Saturday 28 February 2009


Like... So much good stuff all at once

So still in bed, watching movies and eating raisins and playing Heroes of Might and Magic and feeling a bit sorry for myself. But resting is good for me. Physically as well as mentally. And even though last night sonded like enormous amounts of fun and something that I really would have wanted to experience (three people's last day-beer-thingy) I think that taking it easy is very good for me, in so many ways. Economic as well as the before mentioned.

Crossroads was completely wonderful, and Punch-Drunk love was as far from "an Adam Sandler-movie" you can possibly come while still having Adam Sandler in the movie... Sweet and romantic and touching and not at all the usual idiotic crap he usually acts in. I can't stand that stuff, really, but Punch-Drunk Love is something else. Watch it. Do it now. You will not regret it. Watch it! I'm serious! It has wonderful Emily Watson in it as well.

Time for pills! And probably some painting! And then the third episode of Dollhouse!

Listening to: Deep Forest (complete discography on shuffle)

Friday 27 February 2009

home again

Home... Which in this case means "home from work" and also "not down at the pub". Tonsilitis and an ear infection made that happen.

Another angle: I feel more like a stranger than ever at the moment.

So I realized something, anyways. I got basically everything I need. There is a bunch of stuff i want but nothing I can't do without. So that feels kinda good. New attidude. 

This week has been mainly pain, art and anime. And Ghormenghast. Painting for the first time in years and man I like acrylics better than oil! Mostly staying in bed though. Ear infection equals dizzyness equals nausea. Sucks.

Found a new webcomic that I like; The Zombie Hunters. Also been listening a lot to Jan Garbarek and Deep Forest, great stuff to paint to. 

Wish canvas was cheaper. 

Watching: Crossroads, from '86 (not the one with Britney, the one with the blues! It's great!)

Monday 23 February 2009

spontaneous massive existence failure

"Your voice is much smaller now than it used to be"

Maybe I'm not really stronger. Or maybe I am, but I can't really feel it, since everything is so much heavier now than before. So even if I'm stronger everything is harder. Nothing feels... right.

Time moves so quickly and nothing happens at all but everything is changing and I feel so meaningless that I don't want to get out of bed in the morning and I feel so lonely that I don't want to go to bed in the evening.

On top of that I think I'm getting sick again. My throat hurts like hell.

So I don't know exactly why my voice is so much smaller than before. If it is because I'm tired, because of the almost-cold, because I had a pretty rough weekend, because I feel like shit, because I feel like the most meaningless creature in existence or just a lack of confidence.

Listening to: Preferably 16 Horsepower - Secret South, but also some Be Good Tanyas, Cowboy Junkies, Great Lake Swimmers and a bit Kings of Leon.

Thursday 19 February 2009

do's and don'ts

My do today.

beautiful thoughts

As mentioned, once you get in to the more bacon-themed parts of the blogosphere, there is so very very much to read. I am bewildered.

Also thinking about making spinach and bacon soup for dinner. But Maria is sceptical.

Anyway due to economical... not greatness, I decided not to get the perm I dream of. I want big, fluffy curls. Or rather, bigger, fluffier curls. But priced around 70 - 100 euros it's out of my leauge, for now. Later maybe. So I'm going for the other alternative: becoming even blonder. And maybe throwing in some funny colours.

Other thing's I'll be prioritizing away is a new MP3-player with bluetooth, sewing machine, a new bra, food... Uhm... Failing with the positive attitude. Not in a great mood.

I got my vacation approved, but mentioned economical situation hinders me from booking tickets... Also I very very much want to meet my dad and sisters and brothers and dad's lady friend and more importantly the mother of Kajsa, my little walking sister, Ulrika, and since my dad doesn't answer my emails asking when he will be home I had to go ahead and book the bloody vacation anyways and now it looks like he's working for the whole time... Whoa, long sentence there. The point is; my family is very much my priority. And if it turns out I cant see them I'll be very sad.

My other family, on mom's side, seems to be more managable, which is great. Looking forward to meeting all my new-found relatives so much!

At the moment I'm looking forward to leaving work in eight minutes, and then going for fika with Sandra. She's leaving soon which really sucks. Seldom has so much greatness and funsies been able to fit in to such a very small person.

Well now. I'm tired enough to fall asleep right here but I'll try to keep awake untill I get home, at least.

new stuff

So you might have noticed the new title... I realized that I don't feel like a stranger any more. Most of the people I got to know when I came here are gone, and most of the people who came here after me are gone too, and I don't feel like a newcomer at all anymore. I know the streets by name, I know obsure little restaurants and shops, they know me by name in some of them...

And through all that has happened to me I feel different, stronger than before. Hence the change of one little letter. A subtle yet very important difference.

I am still stranger than many others though, in their eyes. "You are so strange" is something I hear every day.

And I feel that it's pretty important to remember to try to keep my attitude a bit positive at the moment, since everything feels a bit heavier, for some reason.

As most people might know the word "blog" comes from "web-logg", a way for internet nerds to tell other internet nerds what they're up to on the web. In that great tradition I thought I would share some interesting stuff with you!

This wonderful picture blog has captivated my interest most of the morning. And now I want to see Asia in general, and Thailand in particular, even more than before.

This absurd recipe doesn't really sound strange at all once you read it through... Actually, it sounds very nice... The bacon trend on the internet right now is really flourishing. Also, as a lover of ice cream above all other sweet things, I want, no need an ice cream machine, now! Please please please! Doesn't go too well with the lchf-lifestyle though. Or... Frozen yoghurt should work. But it's not really the same...

As so many other's I've gotten stuck on "Heja Abbe", a Swedish blog about a little boy born with a heart problem, written by his devoted and loving father. Very close to tears a number of times, as I follow Abbe's first couple of years through operations, medicines, hospitals, specialists and pain but also trips to the beach and the joys of family life at it's best.

Now I'ts lunchtime! Leftover's from last nights Peking Duck (one of my lchf-exeptions... only three times a week isn't a very creative idea).

Listening to: 16 Horsepower - Straw foot

Wednesday 18 February 2009

holy cheese

So I've been spending a couple of days exploring the Swedish blog-jungle. There are so extremely many blogs there. Middle aged men who write about sport, middle aged men who write about their children, middle aged men who write about their relationships, middle aged women who write about sex, young women who write about sex, middle aged women who write about their children, middle aged women who write about dieting, middle aged women who write about relationships, young women who write about fashion, young women who write about dieting, young women who write about knitting, young women who write about relationships, young women who write about eating disorders, people in general writing about themselves and feeling like they mean something.

Well. They probably do. They are also, many of them, pretentious asses who perceive themselves to be literary geniuses, but that's okay. Oh, and yeah, many of them work with advertising. There is loads of crap and loads of good stuff.

Anyways they all have one thing in common; this "challenge". No one challenged me because I am not a part of the friendly blog gang commonly referred to as "The Swedish Blog-Elite" but that's okay too. But since work is a bit slow today, and since I am already challenged by nature, I will treat you, my honoured readers, to this highly interesting challenge, in Swedish! Woohoo!

10 Första
Första bästa kompis: Ehm... Mellanstadiet. Anna. Tror jag. Kortlivad vänskap; minns henne knappt idag. Hade ju inte så supermycket vänner egentligen.
Första bil: Det kommer förmodligen bli någon billig skräphög som jag kommer tycka väldigt mycket om.
Första kärlek: Matthew hette han tror jag. Jag var väl fem kanske, på besök i Amerika för första gången. En mycket liten stalker i rosa klänning.
Första husdjur: En kanin som tuggade sönder hemmets alla sladdar.
Första semester: Skidsemester i min tidiga barndom?
Första jobb: Sommarjobbade på en reklambyrå när jag var fjorton eller så.
Första köpta skiva:
Reggae Reggae - 40 happy Reggae hits! Lyssnar fortfarande på den.
Första piercing: Funderar faktiskt på att ta hål i öronen. Prövade en gång när jag var tolv men det gick åt skogen. Samma sak med tungan när jag var femton.
Första konsert: Som foster, Sting and the Police, om jag inte minns fel.

8 senaste
Senaste alkoholdrycken: Ett litet glas med nåt starkt i på efterfesten i lördags.
Senaste bilfärd: Taxi hem från efterfesten i lördags, betalt av nån spoling som Ida flörtat upp.
Senaste filmen du såg: Welcome to the Dollhouse av Todd Solondz. Den var sådär suburban och mobbing och arg och förtryckt sexualitet lite tung och lite indie och sådär. Bra dock.
Senast ringda telefonsamtal: Igår ringde jag och beställde kinamat på väg hem.
Senaste bubbelbadet: Senaste skumbadet var väl nån gång i höstas. Blir tyvärr väldigt långt mellan gångerna eftersom man måste värma vattnet i ca. 100 år innan det räcker till att fylla det ändå inte så väldigt stora badkaret.
Senast spelade CD-skiva: Spelar inte direkt CD-skivor. Men den senaste fysiska CD-skivan med musik på som jag har satt i en CD-spelare för att lyssna på måste vara Boss Hoss-skivan jag fick av Johan i julklapp.
Senaste gången du grät: I söndags.
Senaste måltiden: Frukost bestående av en liten bytta yoghurt med rabarbersmak och två små Gouda-bitar från kantinen. Sorgligt svårt att hitta nåt att äta som är okej när man går på en halfass-lchf-diet. (Inga kolhydrater, mer fett.) (Halfass för att jag fasar det lite, skär mest ner, gör lite undantag. Men det känns bra.) Snart lunch, blir nog sallad. Jävligt inspirerat.

6 har du någonsin
Dejtat en av dina bästa kompisar: "Dejtat"? Jo, det har jag kanske. Men nu har det återgått till kompis-stadiet. Men han är fortfarande en awesome människa.
Blivit arresterad: Jo.
Blivit kär vid första ögonkastet: Alltså... Jag har sett folk som är så snygga så att man liksom aldrig riktigt glömmer det. En av dem blev jag tillsammans med, men han var ett as. En av dem pratade jag inte ens med, men fortfarande, efter väldigt många år, är han en av de snyggaste jag sett.
Fastnat med blicken i någons urringning: Lätt.
Sagt att du älskar någon utan att mena det: Jag tror det. Men bara kanske en gång eller så.
Busringt till någon: Njaej, hade ju inte direkt några vänner som barn, så det blev inte så mycket sånt.

7 saker du har på dig
1. Lila strumpor
2. "alternativa" chucks
3. Undies
4. Blå jeans
5. Gul T-shirt med gula ballonger från
6. Swipecard
7. Hemmastickad halsduksgrej.

6 saker du har gjort i dag
1. Försovit mig
2. Gått till jobbet
3. Jobbat
4. Ätit tråkig kantin-frukost med gott kaffe till
6. Bloggat

5 favoritsaker utan rangordning
1. Min mobiltelefon, "Concorde"
2. Min dator, "Kitteh"
3. Min nya hårddisk, "Ernst Hugo"
4. Mina svarta ätpinnar från Åhléns
5. Allt mitt smink

4 personer du kan berätta allt för:
Okej... Nu har jag sparat den här frågan till sist. ALLT berättar jag faktiskt inte för någon. Men eh... just nu ser det ut som Kristoffer och Maria kanske skulle kunna kvala in som människor som jag berättar mest för. Men det innebär nog inte så mycket.

3 val
Blått eller rött? Rött vin. Rött kött. Blå blå vindar och vatten, blå blå himlar och hav.
Sommar el vinter? Älskar att åka skidor men bortsett från det sommar. Saknar svensk sommar. Saknar inte svensk vinter.
Choklad el chips? Choklad.

2 saker att göra innan du dör
1. Se världen.
2. Bli lycklig.

1 sak du ångrar
Ingenting. Någonsin.

och slutligen vilka 3 som ska få fortsätta denna kedja av aldrig sinande utmaningar: Min Mamma borde starta en blogg och fylla i sina svar i den. Annars... Alla som läser den.

plea to my parents

Be kind, sign your comments.

Thank you.

Tuesday 17 February 2009

too late

I really should be sleeping but seriously? I get comments like what, once a month? Maximum? I think I have gotten comments from strangers like... once ever? In approximately three years of blogging?

Was that supposed to be some kind of stupid joke?


     Wordle: pretty obvious interests
So... This is a little thingy I made using a gadget I fund on some blog.

Monday 16 February 2009

ignorance is bliss

So could you please just go on ignoring me?

Saturday 14 February 2009

one more time

Sweet lord Jesus of Cookies! Enough already!

Haha! No!

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.


Will it be ok?
Camions Sauvages

How are you feeling today?

How do your friends see you?
Buffalo Stance

Will you get married?

What is your best friend's theme song?
Money For Nothing

What is the story of your life?
Something in the Way

What was high school like?
Firen Di Mekhutonium Aheym

How can you get ahead in life?
Quiet Now

What is the best thing about your friends?
In The Bush

What is tonight going to be like?

What is in store for the remainder of this weekend?
The Piano

What song describes you?
Fightstarter Karaoke

To describe your grandparents?
Speak the Word

How is your life going?
113 Dead Goons

What song will they play at your funeral?

How does the world see you?
Don Juan

Will you have a happy life?
Hot Stuff

What do your friends really think of you?
Bruk Out

Do people secretly lust after you?

How can I make myself happy?
Know Who You Are At Every Age

What should you do with your life?

Will you ever have children?
She Caught The Katy

just can't stop

So... Got no good excuse this time. It's saturday, I'm being lazy. So here comes some more Swedish crappy shit! Enjoy.

1. Ställ in musikspelaren/mp3:n på blandat.
2. Byt låt efter varje fråga.
3. Skriv ner låten som svar på frågan, fuska inte!

Var bor du:

Beskriv din första kärlek:
Trädgårdmästaren (Villaägarens visa)

Beskriv din förälskelse för stunden:
Shotgun Blues

Vad är din utmaning:
Not the world's prettiest

Vilka är dina vänner:
Oifn Pripetshick

Beskriv ditt utseende:
Backlash Blues

Vad gjorde du förra kvällen:

Vad är målet med ditt liv:
The Way

Vad säger du till dina föräldrar:
On the road again

Vad tycker du om samhället:

Beskriv din senaste hjärtesorg:
I Can See Clearly Now

Vad är din förklaring till allt:
Dickies B

Vad tänker du om fredagarna:
Black is the colour of my true lovs's hair

Till vilka frågor om livet har du inte fått svar:
A Kiss is not a Contract

Vad är din favoritfärg:
Dickies B Feat. Kappa

Vad är ditt råd till de mindre erfarna:
Are You Lonesome Tonight

Vad skulle du helst göra just nu:
Wonder (Lento Mix)

Beskriv din bästa vän:
Don't You Forget About Me

Vad är under din säng:
A Big Hunk O' Love

Vad har varit det största du uppnått:
I'm Ready

Vart åker du på smekmånad:
The Children of Mars

Vad finns på din ATT GÖRA-lista:
Pitbull Terrier

Var skulle du helst vara just nu:
Le Temps De L'Amour


It's friday night and I'm doing nothing... Exept staying up a bit late. Crazy.

Thinking a lot about people that mean much to me. Wondering how old friends are doing. 

It's a weird feeling... The night is silent, dark and still. Words are few and far apart. Things change somewhere else, somwhere else life goes on. I feel like I'm underwater, looking up - everything is distorted. Far away. 

Out of reach.

I still don't think I could have done anything differently. I regret nothing. 

Only... I have changed too. My dreams have changed. I have realized what really matters.

It's not blinding passion. It's not suffering, consumed by fire. It's something else. Something in the shadows. Something that grows slowly. Something strong, forever lost.

Enjoying the silence. Breathing. Calm.

Friday 13 February 2009


So Dollhouse premies tonight, in the great country in the west. Although I have a long time allergy to Eliza Dushku I'm really psyched about it.

Not much more to say... It's friday and me, Hannah and Maria are watching Twilight tonight. Again. Deal with it.

Thursday 12 February 2009


Random surfing is dangerous. I want - no, need! - this hoodie. Or... I really do need a hoodie, and that one is just so... cool, and gorgeous!

Aw, and look! This one is a men's hoddie, but still... And this one is great as well. Or this. Or this. I could even imagine a white one. Or an outrageous one. Or how about a pricey, bamboo one?


Today I started taking calls. And now I'm going home.

Wednesday 11 February 2009

in case of zombies

I might spend to much time planning for the coming* Zombie apocalypse. Today I came to the conclusion that our beloved home would be way to hard to protect. But I thought of someting: Tesco. It has all we would need to survive, and it would be protectable, as long as we could barricade off the entrance (all the way up to where free sushi-guy is standing, across from the candle shop). 

On the other hand, I think that spending to much time planning for the coming Zombie apocalypse is impossible. 

Three things are vital: weapons, some kind of hiding place (easily protected, food, shelter etc.) and knowledge of how the Zombies function. Primary sences, easiest ways of killing them, re-animationing functions, etc. Guns are hard to come by, and I don't know how to use them. I would go for an axe, or a shovel.

In case of vampires: go "Oh sparkly!" and have some sexual tension and you'll be fine... (Sure, sure, I'll admit. I am a huge Twilight fan. Read all four books in five days or so. And then bought them. Sure, sure.) (Go Team Jacob!)

In case of Supervillains: Call for Captain Hammer

Next saturday I'm having a party. A masquerade. I was really happy about it but lot's of people just go "Oh, c'mon, annoying, I hate maquerades, that sucks" so I'm kinda really doing my best to keep up the feeling of YAY... Pretty hard. So far only three people are leaving town though. 

If they don't want to, why cant they just shut the **** up about it and not come? Why are people so inconsiderate? 

Whatever, nevermind. I'm getting drunk in funny makeup. Even if I'm doing it on my own. (I'm not though, there are some people in this town who appreciate a party, even though they have to think a little...)

Pretty good day today, all in all. I moved, at work, for the last time, and now I am in my final seat. (Not in the dying way, I'm just not moving around anymore.) Worked one hour overtime. Ate chicken for dinner. 

Listening to: Shashkin (Hefner remix) - Omar Faruk Tekbilek (From the album Back to mine: The Voodoo Sessions)



Seriously thinking about ordering this ring. It's not very expensive, but then on the other hand, I'm not very rich.

And I was thinking... About psychic lines. If theyr'e psychic they should know that youre calling, and call you first, right? Probably an old thought. But anyways.

Now I'm going home! I'm RAVENOUS!

Tuesday 10 February 2009


Maximum points at resolve! Yessss... 
(Note: That's only funny for roleplaying nerds. All you others: Ha!)

I am getting better. I am getting happier. I think the writing helps. I'm climbing back up again. Getting back on my feet. Feels good. 

Or; I'm becoming myself again.

I listen to Great Lake Swimmers because they are great. (Lake swimmers. Ha!)

Gym: good. Half ass diet: good. Hair: good. Dreams: good! Not painful, cutting through me like ice and glass and needles. Not making me empty, weak. Now I'm back to dreams of traveling, dreams of seeing the world, dreams of meeting a lot of interesting people there. Or more modest dreams, of returing to a place that used to be my home, seeing all the friends I miss so much, seeing my sisters and brothers and my mother and father and my uncles and aunts and cousins and grandparents and second cousins and great granparents and so on. A lot of people to see in a short little while, but it will probably be around easter. 

Lund... the thought of the city where I have lived since my childhood but never really felt welcome is intriguing; so much has changed since I left but the real difference is that I can think about it with warm, happy thoughts. There are so many people there I want to see. I'm very much looking forward to spending a few days there. 

Oh yeah; I named my new 500 gb harddrive: Ernst Hugo. 

And tonight, in just an hour or so, Maria comes home from a weekend in Sweden with powder snow and family. But I'll be asleep by then. Even now my eyelids are getting heavy.

Tonight was Chinese and Disney with Ida. The Sword in the Stone. Great. Now seriously; bedtime.

Listening to: Uhm, guess? Great Lake Swimmers - Your Rocky Spine (the glaciers made you and now youre mine...)


The sun is shining as if there was no tomorrow. As if it was in a hurry, to give all that is has before it is to late. White buildings gleam blindingly, every forgotten drop of rain is drying.

The sun is shining as if it was the first day in existence, as if some diety had just thought of light and the sun was an answer to that thought. Shining proudly, like it had just realized that it was the most important thing in the solar system.

The sun is shining so bright it might seem like wrath, it's sharp rays piercing through the filthy corrugated fibreglass roofing just outside the window, making it all the way in to touch my face, hidden from the sun for so long.

The sun is shining as though it was in love with this dirty old town. Shining on every secret, every hidden peice of filth, every memory, it's touch softer than a lover's, shining happily and free from judgement. Shining on everything, just as bright.

It's not going to stay this way. This is not the truth, this kind of burning love doesn't last. This isn't really spring. In this town, there is no spring, no winter, no summer. Just different states of autumn. But the sun shines on me for now.

Listening to: Great Lake Swimmers - Your Rocky Spine

Sunday 8 February 2009

my sister

My littlest sister Kajsa just learned to walk. I hate it that I'm missing so much of her early life, I really would have wanted to see her growing up... Ylva too, Emilias daughter. 

I miss all my brothers and sisters. A lot.

It's sunday night, I'm having a shower and then going to bed. 

Listening to: Morning of Carnaval - Louis Bonfa (Flamenco music)

Saturday 7 February 2009

me, me, me

Well, to me, I am quite interesting. And if you read this, you must think I'm interestin in some way, at least a little, so here comes more ranting about my hair; (by the way, thank you Ida for listening to me talking about myself - more accurately my hair - for two or three hours, and thanks for all the honest input!)

Step one and two is done now. I cut it just a little bit, barely enough for it to be visible, but enough to make it less torn, bigger and curlier. And I changed the colour slightly. From a deeper, darkish red to a more... carroty orange. Quite bright. I love it so far. 

Yesterday, after work, me and Olof made wok and watched Resident Evil. Today me and Ida hung out and had sirloin steak, and watched Disney's Brother Bear.

But most of all I'm googling hairstyles.

Listening to: Avishai Cohen - Smash (from the album Contiuo)

Thursday 5 February 2009

bored now

So naturally I decide to answer some stupid questions... That I answered in October 2007 as well. The difference feels interesting, if you think boring things are interesting. (I do.) They are in Swedish. Live with it. (Or just don't read it.)

1. Ta närmaste bok och slå upp sidan 18, rad 4 – vad står där?
okt. 2007 - 'I told you already', the curator stammered, kneel-
feb.2009 - He made a disgusted sound. "I don't envy him the

2. Sträck ut din vänstra arm så långt du kan, vad rör du vid?
okt. 2007 - vägg
feb. 2009 - absolut ingenting

3. Vad var det senaste du såg på tv?
okt. 2007 - tvspel i ytlighetskollektivet
feb. 2009 - kommer inte ihåg, har ingen tv, kollar aldrig på tv.

4. Utan att se efter, gissa vad klockan är:
okt. 2007 -1830
feb. 2009 - 1230

5. Bortsett från datorn, vad hör du just nu?
okt. 2007 - webbradio, Cibelle - about a girl
feb. 2009 - 16 Horsepower - Phyllis Ruth

6. När var du senast utomhus och vad gjorde du då?
okt. 2007 - cyklade hem från ytlighetskollektivet
feb. 2009 - gick till jobbet imorse (halv sju)

7. Vad tittade du på innan du började svara på den här undersökningen?
okt. 2007 - astrids foton från en promenad, ett mail från min bandmedlem ulf
feb. 2009 - gamla bilder på mig sjælv

8. Vad har du på dig?
okt. 2007 - svarta strumpbyxor, jeanskjol, linne
feb. 2009 - converse, jeans, t-shirt, hoodie

9. Drömde du något inatt? I så fall – vad?
okt. 2007 - att en stor man i brun skinnjacka sa att han var min baksmälla.
feb. 2009 - att jag hade en tam råtta

10. När skrattade du senast?
okt. 2007 - När Jesse frågade om Johannes var seriös när han uppenbarligen ljög
feb. 2009 - sækert åt något Hannah sa eller gjorde, skulle jag gissa på

11. Vad finns på väggarna i rummet där du är nu?
okt. 2007 - Ett orange(t) omslagspapper med nån sorts indisk text på, en affisch med ett foto på en häst, en affisch med ett foto på en fabriksarbetare, en affisch med ett foto på en naken tjej, en fff-affisch.
feb. 2009 - en massa informativa plancher om att man ska vara førsiktig med sina løsenord, telefoner och flaggor.

12. Har du sett något konstigt på sistone?
okt. 2007 - En jobbig kille på festen
feb. 2009 - irlændare

13. Vad tycker du om den här utmaningen?
okt. 2007 - den är ganska kul
feb. 2009 - den är ganska kul

14. Vilken var den senaste film du såg?
okt. 2007 - hum. vet inte.
feb. 2009 - Treasure Planet

15. Om du blev multimiljonär, vad skulle du köpa?
okt. 2007 - Hyran, skulderna. Eller köpa. Men betala. En hoppborg till katterna. En flygbiljett. Eller flera.
feb. 2009 - en bil, en båt, typ

16. Berätta något om dig själv som folk inte känner till.
okt. 2007 - jag är religös
feb. 2009 - jag ær snygg

17. Om du kunde förändra EN sak i världen, utan att ta hänsyn till politik och skuldkänslor, vad skulle det då vara?
okt. 2007 - Kanske ta bort sexuella övergrepp helt och hållet ur verkligheten. Speciellt de mot barn.
feb. 2009 - inga mer religøsa konflikter någonsin

18. Tycker du om att dansa?
okt. 2007 - Som fan.
feb. 2009 - njae

19. George Bush?
okt. 2007 - Vad är det för fråga? Inte ens till frukost.
feb. 2009 - Barrack!

20-21. Vad skulle dina barn heta, pojke resp. flicka?
okt. 2007 - Ernst Hugo är ju ett stenhårt namn. På alla.
feb. 2009 - Ernst Hugo ær fortfarande riktigt bra. June ær fint, eller Eris.

22. Skulle du nånsin överväga att bo utomlands?
okt. 2007 - Ja gud ja. Överväga och överväga, föredra snarare.

23. Vad vill du att Gud ska säga när du kommer till pärleporten?
okt. 2007 - bulle
feb. 2009 - han kunde kanske sjunga en fin låt før mig eller nåt

24. Vilka fyra personer vill du ska svara på de här frågorna?
okt. 2007 - Min farmor
feb. 2009 - ALLA


Anyway I'm thinking about a haircut. Unlike most times I changed my hair I will not just get the idea and cut it of two minutes later without any plan or thoughts of the results whatsoever. This time I'm seriously sketching, looking at old photos of myself in different haircuts and looking at pictures of a lot of other people in different haircuts.

I am trying to be honest to myself and I know that just because I looked better when I was thin (mostly because of poverty) and had shorter hair at the same time that does not mean I will look good just because I cut my hair... So I'm going to start working out and dieting as well. If I'm lucky, maybe my face will get it's old shape back. (Like on the picture right here on the blog, from may 2007. Young and ... well, honestly, very drunk.)

Trying to decide on starting to go to some gym or just go back to running... My hips are almost recovered now! Okay, it will suck to wake up at five just to have time... But still. I can't believe that running will mess my body up, humans are supposed to do that! Without breaking.

But back to my hair. It's really more trouble that fun right now, since it's so damn long and thick. I buy so extremely much shampoo and conditioner, and it takes ages to wash, and even more ages to dry. So I'm thinking about either half-short, like a bob or so (kinda like on the picture) and a little blonder (or maybe darker) than now, or very short, mohawk-ish, spiky, very bright blond or maybe yellow/orange/red or something like that.

Time for lunch now.

Listening to: The Be Good Tanyas - Out of the Wilderness

Tuesday 3 February 2009

what I learned today

Vindaloo is freakishly hot.


This is pretty insane... The snow is rushing down, like it wants to hide this dirty town and never let it see daylight again. It wont though; the snow falls and falls and falls but it never settles.

Like me.

Maybe every snowflake loves the ground, every one of them, hurling themselves to certain death just to get to be near it in the process.

I wonder if it's worth it... Sometimes I wonder if there was anything I could have done differently. If any action I could have done, or refrained from doing, would have changed anything. I can never see any different outcome than this one. Every crash that made me stronger, every heartbreak that made me grow, feels like nothing now.

I know he wanted to be with me, he used to, I made him happy and I was the one he wanted, and I think that has changed - I'm pretty sure - I want to say I know, I want to know that he doesn't feel that way anymore but I don't believe he would tell me the truth if I asked. I wish he could have told me when it happened, when he stopped being in love with me. It would have been really hard to hear but not as hard as trying to convince myself to stop hoping.

The snow is falling, violently, like it's trying to punish earth, but earth doesn't notice. The snowflakes melt, die without a whisper, like tears gently falling to the ground. Like the softest touch in the world. A million tiny kisses.

I still can't regret anything. But I want to move on.

Listening to: Kings of Leon - Cold Desert

Monday 2 February 2009

where am I?

It's been snowing today. Real snow. Our bin still has a thin lacing of snow on it. And it's been pretty sunny today, apart from the snow (and occasional hail). Really, this is not like Cork at all. Strange.

I bought Treasure Island on my way home. Seeing Treasure Planet made me very curious of it. I like the basic idea, and pirates. 

At the moment I'm making liver stew, after Mom's recipe. (Get well soon mom!!)

Listening to: Balkan Beat Box - albums Nu Med and self-entitled Balkan Beat Box.

happy ears

Best song right now: Balkan Beat Box - Joro Boro, from the album Nu Med.

Apart from loving that song I'm working, doing routers today. It's mind numbing.

I want to read. Lot's of books, right now, Robert Louis Stevensson's Treasure Island is pretty high up on my list.

Today the call center turns ten. Hooray. So does the carpet. Hooray hooray.

Nah, back to work.

Sunday 1 February 2009

not sleepy enough

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of next week, and I will be starting work an hour earlier, which is pretty good since I get off work an hour early as well... Just hope I can sleep, and wake up in time.

Tonight I was dreaming a lot, just as stressful as usual. The only thing I remember is buildings, and that I could fly. 

The weekend has been short but nice, A few beers at Shel on friday, Maria's birthday on saturday, with a nice lunch at Luigi Malones and a nice dinner at Casanovas (filled the quota of eating out for this month in one day). Today me and Ida had chinese and watched Disney movies, Alice in Wonderland being the strangest movie ever, probably... No real storyline, totally psychedelic, strange, nightmarish and quite scary. Very strange. If I ever would get the idea to do acid, I would watch that movie. Or... I wouldn't have to do acid if I watched it. Seriously. Extremely well made, though, great artwork, superb animation. Lot's of beautiful detalis. But yeah. Psychedelic.

Now it's past my bedtime, as usual. I wonder why I always get the urge to start writing when I should go to bed?

Listening to: Cocteau Twins - Five Ten Fiftyfold