Monday 30 March 2009


So a guy at work sent me a link to this video. "Heh" I thought. Then I found a large number of other videos. I saw the original years ago and laughed until I cried but I had no idea that there were so many other versions! (Both good and bad.)

tab shopping

As opposed to window shopping. Of all the things I found today most have just inspired me to make things of my own (I'll die if I don't invest in a sawing machine soon!) but I totally fell in love with this sweet candleholder!

Five more days untill I go back to Sweden for a well deserved two week vacation.

Of course I mean sewing machine. Not for cutting down trees, for creating clothes and such. Thanks dad.

Monday 23 March 2009

zombies and colors

So I came home from work and I was going to vacuum and clean the upstairs bathroom but instead I fell asleep instantly and slept untill eight thirty or something. Now my head feels heavy and feel a bit stupid.

Dreamed about the zombie invasion, again. I stopped reading about zombies, stopped thinking about it, stopped beeing a zombie-geek in general but I still have terrible nightmares. This time I had to take care or an orphan, a small baby. I was best suited for this for some reason. We were a small group hiding in some kind of towers, and underground. We had a system of always leaving one person behind if the zombies caught up with us. There was some kind of confusion, consisting of me trying to get back to some place where I had my colors. I was all of a sudden in my room, throwing all my colors and paintbrushes and papers and as much as I could possibly grab into my backpack (yeah... my ICE-bag). At the same time holding a baby and being panicked and it was me and some guy who got left behind and there was something with a boat and I woke up covered in sweat feeling like shit.

So I made fish soup with tomato, carrots, broccoli, bean, lentils, saffron, creme fraiche, orange, chilli and garlic. The soup is great but I have no idea what happened with the fish. Tastes... just bad. 

And I'm watching Dragon Hunters which so far might be the most awesome animated movie I have seen in a very long time. This was what computer animated graphics was supposed to do! Erratic gravity! Dragons! Awesomeness!

Apart from that it's eleven pm and it feels like... it feels just strange. I've been sleeping for hours. It's probably because I woke up last night and couldn't go back to sleep so I've been very tired all day. But I'm completely thrown off balance.

Listening to: Three 6 Mafia.


There's a fork in the road, up ahead
I'm not there yet but I'm getting closer

The fork used to look different.
None of these roads are yellow, none in a forest.

One road is straight, broad
the other I cannot see but I know it's there

It used to be different. Used to be three roads, one clearly visible, the two others not.

Now, since I seem to have made a choise
I kept to one road, left the other ones behind
everything looks different.
I'm still on the same road but the landscape changed
around me it's spring
ahead I cannot see.

So how can I choose?
I know now that the choise I will make - the choise I have to make
will be
of utmost importance.

How can I know which road to take?

The one less traveled is not really an option
nor am I at the middle of my life's road.

Nor am I in a forest, lost.

I have two roads ahead. One leads on
the other, I cannot see

But wherever I choose to go I have been before
and yet never ever seen.

Both lead to mountains,
both mountains, when the top is reached, give me a splendid view
If I can get there.

There is a fork, ahead.

Sunday 22 March 2009

my room

My dad asked me to take some pictures of my house. So here's some pictures of my room!

bag art

Sara, do you recognize your old bag?

the wall

So here's a link to the album with my kitchen wall spring decorations. Enjoy!

Listening to: Scary sounds from Bioshock.


                                       Like... If the sun was really not a morning person. Maybe.

              So yeah this one is really hard to photograph since it's in silver and stuff.

Listening to: Danish boys muttering about CS.

Thursday 19 March 2009

person of the week

Awlrite! This week gets a person.

Jodie Foster. She recently came out and that is so cool. So GO Jodie! She lives with her girlfriend of fourteen years and their two sons. I just wanted to note this since I think she's absolutely awesome, beautiful, and a fantastic actress.

In other news my tickets for Sweden are all booked and rebooked and finally everything is as it should and I'm going back to that place that I might call home maybe, in just a couple of weeks! Feels good. Going to try to see everyone I know in two weeks. I will fail but I really want to.

I have plans of purchasing an MP3-player. So... That's pretty intresting. For me. And also... time flies by and I have no idea what's going on and as the days grow longer and daylight actually is something I experience on a regular basis I still seem to have less and less time for anything. Like blogging, which might be noticable.

Well. Gotta work some.

Listening to: The ramblings of Johan mostly.

*EDIT - When I say recently I actually mean a couple of years ago. Haha. I'm totally slow. Go Jodie either way.

Saturday 14 March 2009

back to life

So I've been twittering a lot, instead of blogging, since I haven't had much to say that needed the use of more than 140 characters. I like Twitter. It's fun, and it's a brilliant idea. 

In other news I really want a pair of Ray-Bans. (Yes the video is thuroughly disturbing but as eighties songs go the song is alright. Well, if you ignore the lyrics that don't really make sence,unless Corey Hart is insane. Still, he has very cool sunglasses. And pretty cool red shoes too. And the girl that for some reason sits in a corridor stamping paper like her life depended on it has very cool sunglasses as well, and a cute hairstyle!)

Me and a random spanish dude switched glasses late at night outside a pub.

Last night I went down to Shelbourne for a while after first going home and having chinese and painting. Today I'm going to go down to the city to buy some coloured paper and a pyjama top. And tonigt I'm probably gonna go for a beer or so with Eva and then head over to Ida's for some hanging out wit her, Liz and Karolin. 

Best thing right now is that I'm painting a lot and it makes me happy. I forget about everything in the whole world and time flyes by and its great. Just wish canvas was cheaper.

Listening to: Sixteen Horsepower - La Robe A Parasol (it's in french!)

Sunday 8 March 2009


This past week could have been the worst of my life. Yes. Really. Everything has been awful. Working six to three and everything has f***ed up at work. There has been a constant qeue of calls all the time. New problems every day. On thursday I managed to stay awake and see Milk, which was a very very good film, but apart from that I've mostly been sleeping when I'm not working. Between friday and saturday around twelve hours. Saturday me and Maria went shopping a bit and then we went to Dan's b-day party at night. We didn't stay for long which felt a bit bad but we were both insanely tired. Today; painting.

Also I had a lot of strange dreams tonight. I dreamt of a talking monkey and a crow flying backwards in the sunrise. And lot's of other things. 

Listening to: Dråparen (A Maze of Death) by Philip K Dick on audio book.

Tuesday 3 March 2009

oh look

It's in English! Thanks Kallux for this one. 

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
No way!

If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
Have already. And what's whith "what if I could"? I can! Obviously!

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
Hot sauce? Like... Depends, I guess? Probably not though. 


How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
One. I had awesome ones with fishys on them in Sweden but both pairs got worn out... Always buy the chepest kind.

Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A run-in? When I was young and wild I guess.

Last person you talked to?
Danish Björn on the way home. 

Last person you hugged?
Sandra, of course, yesterday.


Gotta say summer. I like skiing but it's got nothing on the beach.

Most of them... Love anything where a fire's involved. But probably christmas.

Day of the week?
Gotta say mondays are underrated. But saturday, easily.

August maybe.


Missing someone?
Oh yes. Deffo. Lot's of people.

Creative, tired, hungry, a bit tense.

What are you listening to?
Dunno actually, some kind of choir/jazzy thing called "03. Ringing". Probably Jan Garbarek.

You when you sleep. (Also the view from my room (over Cork) and yes - my screen.)

Worrying about?
Work, a bit, flight tickets, money... 


First place you went this morning?
Ran down the stairs to the bathroom, washed my face, grabbed my lunch, hurried off for work.

What's the last film you saw?
Uhm, That's gotta be Punch-Drunk Love. (More on that in an earlier post.)

Do you smile often?
I actually don't know.

Sleeping Alone Tonight?
Most definitely.


1) Do you always answer your phone?
Think so.

2) Its four in the morning and you get a text message, who is it?
Could be Ida, telling me to come to an afterparty. (Always includes a promise of cute boys.)

3) If you could change your eye color what would it be?
Oh... Dark greenish brown maybe. But I don't really want to.

4) What flavour do you add to your drink?
Have to copy Kallux here; What drink?

5)Do you own a digital camera?

6)Have you ever had a pet fish?
No but I really wanted to when I was younger.

7) Favorite Christmas song(s)?
I only like one but I dont know what it's called...

8) What's on your wish list for your birthday?
Sewingmachine, camera. (Look to the left.)

9) Can you do push ups?
Maybe... One.

10) Can you do a chin up?
Don't even know what that is...

11) Does the future make you more nervous or excited?

12) Do you have any saved texts?

13) Ever been in a car wreck?

14) Do you have an accent?
Ashamed to admit it but I have an Irish dialect when I speak English. In Swedish I have little to no dialect at all though.

15) What is the last song to make you cry?
Well, song? Dunno. But I am quite weepy. When no one's around.

16) Plans tonight?
Chinese, painting, cleaning the bathroom, transferring money, maybe buying flight tickets.

17)Have you ever felt like you hit rock bottom?
Many times.

18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday.
Oil pastels, a canvas and two pads.

19) Have you ever been given roses?

20) Current worry?
Tickets, money... Wait, didn't I already aswer this? 

21) Current hate right now?
I don't hate. To qoute Maria; "why spend energy on hating someone I don't even like?"

22) Met someone who changed your life?
Yeah. Not always in a good way. Or maybe... since I think change in itself is a good thing.

23) How will you bring in the New Year?
C'mon, a little early to say, isn't it?

24) What song represents you?
"Jag Vill Va Ifred" - Philemon Arthur and the Dung. (Sometimes...)

25) Name three people who might complete this.
Haha, I can actually only think of one, but I'm persona non grata there, so nevermind.

26) Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

27) Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
Dated? No... I hardly dated anyone at all. But I have had relationships last longer than a year, yes.

28) Do you have any tattoos/piercings?
I actually peirced my ears for the first time last week! A little late maybe (around 10 - 15 years after everyone else).

29) Will you be in a relationship 4 months from now?
Statistically no. Been single for a couple of years. 

30) Does anyone love you?
My family, some of my friends, I guess.

31) Would you be a pirate?
Not much for the whole "rape-murder-have syphilis-be an alcoholic"-thing.

32) What songs do you sing in the shower?
The first part of
this song, for some reason, haven't really heard it for years (before finding it in order to link to it that is).

33) Ever had someone sing to you?
Uhm... Don't really remember. 

34) When did you last cry?
When I saw some Youtube vid presenting arguments for how peace on earth was within reach.

36) Do you like to cuddle?

37) Have you held hands with anyone today?
Don't think so. Maybe Maria a little at work.

38) Who was the last person you took a picture of?
Apart from myself; myself and Sandra with the same hairdo at the masquerade.

39) What kind of music did you listen to in elementary school?
Elementary school? I dunno.

40) Do you believe in staying close with your ex's/prospects?
Depends. I was dating this bartender called James a while back, and we weren't even really close when we were dating. I almost got it together with one of my best friends and he's still one of my best friends. My ex from a couple of years ago hates me.

41) Are most of the friends in your life new or old?
New. Or, soon one and a half year. But my old friends are still as close to me as before, I just don't see them, since I live in another country.

42) Do you like pulpy orange juice?

Listening to: Mon Amour, Ma Cherie - Amadou et Mariam

Monday 2 March 2009

ooh, shiny

Hehe. Hehe. 

Twilight: Something for the emos, something for the furries. 

Sorry, couldn't help myself.

Painted a lot today. Feels good. Bad when I forget important stuff like bathroom cleaning and the world but it's a very special feeling, painting. Not like writing, where every word means so much. A picture means something to me. Words do to but you know the difference. I like writing. I have to write, I write way more than I paint, my soul is black and white, words, words. 

Painting feels like laughing with my hands, with colours. (Vermilion like fire!)

Oh please. Writing about writing. That's so... Meta. Metawriting. I take it all back. (Haha, writing about painting is just as bad. How can anyone possibly describe a picture in words?)

Listening to: Regina Spektor - Us


Goodbye Sandra. I'll miss you so much, but I'll see you soon. 

Everytime I feel sad I'm reminded of the rest of my sadness. Everytime someone leaves I'm reminded of all the others who left. Everyone I miss. I miss everyone. 

Today when I looked into the mirror I saw myself. My own face, as it used to look. Low carb diet it is then. (And hey, bacon salad. Yeah.)

Bought oil pastel crayons today. Funsies!

But yeah. Damn. Everyone I know goes away, in the end.

Listening to: Nirvana - Heart shaped box (still all my music on shuffle though.)

dead children

Always the theme of all my worst nightmares. I'm starting to wonder if I have some kind of supressed, extremely bloody childhood memories.

So; the dream: I'm in some kind of tropical paradise with my mom. We are for some reason taking care of these three troubled little kids. The sun is shining very brightly, it's really hot, there's a lot of sand around, but not in a desert-y way. Were outside some kind of trainstation, 'cause were going somewhere with these kids. I'm thinking there's been a war or something, maybe they lost their parents. Well. Enter three other kids, starting with the classic ghost twin girls. They look like the girls from The Shining only a couple of years older. And... not so scary. These might or might not be "our" kid's sisters. My mom cant see them and I find this amusing. They, and their younger brother, who is blonde, start hanging out around us. Not really with us but they approach us sometimes. I urge "our" kids to be careful, but they are anyways. They are extremely reluctant to talk to anyone.

It might not be a trainstation, it might be a bus station. Anyways we're sitting on the ground, waiting, outdoors, in the sun. Laughing at the ghost twins who run around and play and fight and behave generally loud and amusing. They start fighing over a song, and one of them runs off. This is where the dream changes. The details are a bit hazy. I think mom got away with the kids, but I'm inside the station house and there's blood everywhere, and lot's of stuff happens, but towards the end it's just too late, I've been to slow, I've tried to save everyone else and now all of a sudden me and this guy called Lawrence are the only ones left alive and there are zombie children everywhere and they are not really decaying and slow, they are more like the insane running living dead and we climb on to a desk and are just about to climb up somewhere when I realize that there's a zombie walking towards the big glass doors just a few metres away, and a lot of them coming towards the other big glass doors at the other end of the station house, but we can still make it, and then one climbs in through a window or something right next to us and we wont both make it it's too late, it's impossible, and all the blood, the red red blood, in the sunshine, and the small, confused children, covered in blood, empty, dead eyes. I wake up with my heart beating so hard I thought it was going to crack my ribs. 

Now it's thirty minutes later and my alarmclock has already managed to ring twice. Work starts in an hour. 

Oh and by the way; Lawrence was very good looking and funny. 

Sunday 1 March 2009


Youre like a drug to me. I need you to be happy.

I guess it was true (I've been here so many times now) then, but it's not the truth now and I should totally let go let go let go!

I'm feeling better, the sun is shining, Jupiter (who seems to be so in tune with me that he gets really low when I'm not well) is also up and running again and I'm in a creative mood, watching mostly good stuff and not so much crap, painting, writing, reading about interesting stuff on wiki. I realized that if the end really came, if some kind of apocalypse wiped out electricity and civilisation and everything, the internet would go away. My internet. It would cease to exist. All the servers of the world would go down and probably stay there. The mere thought makes me want to cry. Really. And I think I can say easily what I would miss most. Wikipedia and Google. I spent more time on wiki than I did reading books last couple of years. 

I don't play online games, I don't have online friends, I don't hang in chatrooms or whatever, I just want to have all the information I could ever possibly want at my fingertips. I want to be able to find out what kind of disease I have when the doctor says "Tonsilitis", I want to know how many kinds of melons exist, I want to have the possibility to learn that rats are metacognitious, I want to be able to learn what that means, I want to learn exactly what Durga is the godess of, I want to be able to choose my favourites from hundreds of pictures of albino peacocks, I want to download Marvin Gaye and the Starship Titanic-novel as a pdf and obscure anime and japanese action movies that never ever made it to DVD and I want to know exactly what a specific car model looks like when mentioned in some book and so on. And oh yeah. IMDB. ("Uhm... what's that actors name... you know, he starred in... uuuhm... that movie with that guy that was also in Stand by Me?" Lets see... Stand by Me - River Phoenix - My Own Private Idaho - Keanu Reeves! Man, I never remeber his name. Or, I do, sometimes. But mostly not. And as I also suck at film titles IMDB is something I totally rely on on an everyday basis.) 

So... I got stuck in a forum (with it's own wiki) called Zombie Squad, as I might have mentioned. Im good at getting stuck in stuff like that. Nerdpoints for me. Anyways I totally had to make one of these.  But I preffer reffering to it as an ICE-bag; In Case of Emergency. I am that kind of person for real, I want to be prepared if something shitty happens. Like war or earthquake or if Maria would have an allergic attack due to fish poisoning. We have a list of important phone numbers in the kitchen, I have several ICE-numbers in by phone, the first page of my Filofax has information about who to call if something would happen to me. Several numbers. I am that kind of person, really, I don't want to stand there like an idiot if something happens and not know what to do. I want a plan. 

Anyways. I started making this BOB or ICE-bag on thursday. That night I had terrible nightmares, all night. This could be because my ear infection made me dizzy wich in turn lead to nausea, as mentioned, but the fact that my nightmares where all about a zombie apocalypse, all night, as soon as I fell asleep, does not necessarily have to be because of that. So no more bagplanning for me. Especially since I in the dreams where I did not die realized I had brought the wrong stuff. My survival will not depend on if I have a bag of dry socks and batteries and bandaids, it will depend upon me. I don't really expect an apocalypse, not really, but I do find the thought interesting - but when it comes - if it comes - I will not survive by having a damn bag ready. So I decided that when the end comes, if I still live, I'll just throw all my paint and brushes and pens and pencils and papers and everything in a bag (any bag) and try to make the best out of the situation. Maybe try to make what's possibly left of the world a little prettier. In my dream I realized what I really needed whas the same things I need now - my basket of crafty stuff. Peices of string and rolls of copperthread and different kinds of colour and small stickers. And a basic range of acrylic colours (exept blue, I have like five different blue, my favourite being prussian). So yeah. That was a very calming revelation. 

Today I have spent way to much time thinking about my past and way to little time being outside in the sun. So time for a shower.

Listening to: All of my music on shuffle. At the moment Deep Forest - Sweet Lullaby (apollo Mix) and before I had finished writing that it swtched to Lamb - Little Things (Klute Mix) wich I don't like very much so I skipped on to Vybz Kartel - Ni ni ni.