news or something

So I'll be coming to Sweden in ten days - the eighteenth of june. With my boyfriend. (Getting used to the word a bit. Even more, feeling very happy about it. He is amazing. Enough cheesiness!)

Anyways there will be giveaways of stuff, as I have mentioned, and I want to see everyone and get drunk every night and go to the beach and have bbq's and whatnot, but it's mostly gonna be sorting stuff. So yeah, now I've said that.

Bought Pride and Prejudice and Zombies today and now I'm gonna read it.

Working nine to six this week and it's SWEET.

Listening to: Richard Cheese on Spotify.

t-shirts

I admit it, it's a bit... unhealthy, how many t-shirts I have, and how many more I am likely to purchase. Here is the t-shirt of the day. I love zombies, t-shirts and A Softer World so this tee is so totally made for me. Wow.

The project of my hair is going good! Going to bleach it big time today. Hoping for white, but it's probably going to be more yellow. I'm having dinner with Ida as well. I did yesterday too. And Johan, we had indian, at Indian Palace, and I think it's my favourite indian place so far actually. Then we watched In Bruges which is so good I could cry. Smart, funny, beautiful... it has everything a movie needs and if it was a person I would fall in love and elope with it. It's like the perfect film. Really. I loved it the first time I saw it about a year ago, but I loved it even more the second time. Think I'll see it again, soon.

Wasting my lunchbreak now... But since I'm working the early shift I'm not really hungry yet, and also I have no lunch and no cash on me, so getting food would require more effort than it's worth. I'll grab a sandwich later or something.

Listening to: Philemon Arthur and the Dung - Men Va Fanken

holy crap

This is so extremely scary. It's going to give me nightmares. Insects and zombies. Both really scary. Thanks Cracked.com.

In other news I painted a painting for Sandra M today. I finish abstracts way quicker than non-abstracts. Also I loose track of time and all of a sudden it's really late. So no more writing now.

Listening to: Philemon Arthur and the Dung - Den Sista Veckan

zombies and colors

So I came home from work and I was going to vacuum and clean the upstairs bathroom but instead I fell asleep instantly and slept untill eight thirty or something. Now my head feels heavy and feel a bit stupid.

Dreamed about the zombie invasion, again. I stopped reading about zombies, stopped thinking about it, stopped beeing a zombie-geek in general but I still have terrible nightmares. This time I had to take care or an orphan, a small baby. I was best suited for this for some reason. We were a small group hiding in some kind of towers, and underground. We had a system of always leaving one person behind if the zombies caught up with us. There was some kind of confusion, consisting of me trying to get back to some place where I had my colors. I was all of a sudden in my room, throwing all my colors and paintbrushes and papers and as much as I could possibly grab into my backpack (yeah... my ICE-bag). At the same time holding a baby and being panicked and it was me and some guy who got left behind and there was something with a boat and I woke up covered in sweat feeling like shit.

So I made fish soup with tomato, carrots, broccoli, bean, lentils, saffron, creme fraiche, orange, chilli and garlic. The soup is great but I have no idea what happened with the fish. Tastes... just bad. 

And I'm watching Dragon Hunters which so far might be the most awesome animated movie I have seen in a very long time. This was what computer animated graphics was supposed to do! Erratic gravity! Dragons! Awesomeness!

Apart from that it's eleven pm and it feels like... it feels just strange. I've been sleeping for hours. It's probably because I woke up last night and couldn't go back to sleep so I've been very tired all day. But I'm completely thrown off balance.

Listening to: Three 6 Mafia.

dead children

Always the theme of all my worst nightmares. I'm starting to wonder if I have some kind of supressed, extremely bloody childhood memories.

So; the dream: I'm in some kind of tropical paradise with my mom. We are for some reason taking care of these three troubled little kids. The sun is shining very brightly, it's really hot, there's a lot of sand around, but not in a desert-y way. Were outside some kind of trainstation, 'cause were going somewhere with these kids. I'm thinking there's been a war or something, maybe they lost their parents. Well. Enter three other kids, starting with the classic ghost twin girls. They look like the girls from The Shining only a couple of years older. And... not so scary. These might or might not be "our" kid's sisters. My mom cant see them and I find this amusing. They, and their younger brother, who is blonde, start hanging out around us. Not really with us but they approach us sometimes. I urge "our" kids to be careful, but they are anyways. They are extremely reluctant to talk to anyone.

It might not be a trainstation, it might be a bus station. Anyways we're sitting on the ground, waiting, outdoors, in the sun. Laughing at the ghost twins who run around and play and fight and behave generally loud and amusing. They start fighing over a song, and one of them runs off. This is where the dream changes. The details are a bit hazy. I think mom got away with the kids, but I'm inside the station house and there's blood everywhere, and lot's of stuff happens, but towards the end it's just too late, I've been to slow, I've tried to save everyone else and now all of a sudden me and this guy called Lawrence are the only ones left alive and there are zombie children everywhere and they are not really decaying and slow, they are more like the insane running living dead and we climb on to a desk and are just about to climb up somewhere when I realize that there's a zombie walking towards the big glass doors just a few metres away, and a lot of them coming towards the other big glass doors at the other end of the station house, but we can still make it, and then one climbs in through a window or something right next to us and we wont both make it it's too late, it's impossible, and all the blood, the red red blood, in the sunshine, and the small, confused children, covered in blood, empty, dead eyes. I wake up with my heart beating so hard I thought it was going to crack my ribs. 

Now it's thirty minutes later and my alarmclock has already managed to ring twice. Work starts in an hour. 

Oh and by the way; Lawrence was very good looking and funny. 

need

Youre like a drug to me. I need you to be happy.

I guess it was true (I've been here so many times now) then, but it's not the truth now and I should totally let go let go let go!

I'm feeling better, the sun is shining, Jupiter (who seems to be so in tune with me that he gets really low when I'm not well) is also up and running again and I'm in a creative mood, watching mostly good stuff and not so much crap, painting, writing, reading about interesting stuff on wiki. I realized that if the end really came, if some kind of apocalypse wiped out electricity and civilisation and everything, the internet would go away. My internet. It would cease to exist. All the servers of the world would go down and probably stay there. The mere thought makes me want to cry. Really. And I think I can say easily what I would miss most. Wikipedia and Google. I spent more time on wiki than I did reading books last couple of years. 

I don't play online games, I don't have online friends, I don't hang in chatrooms or whatever, I just want to have all the information I could ever possibly want at my fingertips. I want to be able to find out what kind of disease I have when the doctor says "Tonsilitis", I want to know how many kinds of melons exist, I want to have the possibility to learn that rats are metacognitious, I want to be able to learn what that means, I want to learn exactly what Durga is the godess of, I want to be able to choose my favourites from hundreds of pictures of albino peacocks, I want to download Marvin Gaye and the Starship Titanic-novel as a pdf and obscure anime and japanese action movies that never ever made it to DVD and I want to know exactly what a specific car model looks like when mentioned in some book and so on. And oh yeah. IMDB. ("Uhm... what's that actors name... you know, he starred in... uuuhm... that movie with that guy that was also in Stand by Me?" Lets see... Stand by Me - River Phoenix - My Own Private Idaho - Keanu Reeves! Man, I never remeber his name. Or, I do, sometimes. But mostly not. And as I also suck at film titles IMDB is something I totally rely on on an everyday basis.) 

So... I got stuck in a forum (with it's own wiki) called Zombie Squad, as I might have mentioned. Im good at getting stuck in stuff like that. Nerdpoints for me. Anyways I totally had to make one of these.  But I preffer reffering to it as an ICE-bag; In Case of Emergency. I am that kind of person for real, I want to be prepared if something shitty happens. Like war or earthquake or if Maria would have an allergic attack due to fish poisoning. We have a list of important phone numbers in the kitchen, I have several ICE-numbers in by phone, the first page of my Filofax has information about who to call if something would happen to me. Several numbers. I am that kind of person, really, I don't want to stand there like an idiot if something happens and not know what to do. I want a plan. 

Anyways. I started making this BOB or ICE-bag on thursday. That night I had terrible nightmares, all night. This could be because my ear infection made me dizzy wich in turn lead to nausea, as mentioned, but the fact that my nightmares where all about a zombie apocalypse, all night, as soon as I fell asleep, does not necessarily have to be because of that. So no more bagplanning for me. Especially since I in the dreams where I did not die realized I had brought the wrong stuff. My survival will not depend on if I have a bag of dry socks and batteries and bandaids, it will depend upon me. I don't really expect an apocalypse, not really, but I do find the thought interesting - but when it comes - if it comes - I will not survive by having a damn bag ready. So I decided that when the end comes, if I still live, I'll just throw all my paint and brushes and pens and pencils and papers and everything in a bag (any bag) and try to make the best out of the situation. Maybe try to make what's possibly left of the world a little prettier. In my dream I realized what I really needed whas the same things I need now - my basket of crafty stuff. Peices of string and rolls of copperthread and different kinds of colour and small stickers. And a basic range of acrylic colours (exept blue, I have like five different blue, my favourite being prussian). So yeah. That was a very calming revelation. 

Today I have spent way to much time thinking about my past and way to little time being outside in the sun. So time for a shower.

Listening to: All of my music on shuffle. At the moment Deep Forest - Sweet Lullaby (apollo Mix) and before I had finished writing that it swtched to Lamb - Little Things (Klute Mix) wich I don't like very much so I skipped on to Vybz Kartel - Ni ni ni. 

in case of zombies

I might spend to much time planning for the coming* Zombie apocalypse. Today I came to the conclusion that our beloved home would be way to hard to protect. But I thought of someting: Tesco. It has all we would need to survive, and it would be protectable, as long as we could barricade off the entrance (all the way up to where free sushi-guy is standing, across from the candle shop). 

On the other hand, I think that spending to much time planning for the coming Zombie apocalypse is impossible. 

Three things are vital: weapons, some kind of hiding place (easily protected, food, shelter etc.) and knowledge of how the Zombies function. Primary sences, easiest ways of killing them, re-animationing functions, etc. Guns are hard to come by, and I don't know how to use them. I would go for an axe, or a shovel.

In case of vampires: go "Oh sparkly!" and have some sexual tension and you'll be fine... (Sure, sure, I'll admit. I am a huge Twilight fan. Read all four books in five days or so. And then bought them. Sure, sure.) (Go Team Jacob!)

In case of Supervillains: Call for Captain Hammer! 

Next saturday I'm having a party. A masquerade. I was really happy about it but lot's of people just go "Oh, c'mon, annoying, I hate maquerades, that sucks" so I'm kinda really doing my best to keep up the feeling of YAY... Pretty hard. So far only three people are leaving town though. 

If they don't want to, why cant they just shut the **** up about it and not come? Why are people so inconsiderate? 

Whatever, nevermind. I'm getting drunk in funny makeup. Even if I'm doing it on my own. (I'm not though, there are some people in this town who appreciate a party, even though they have to think a little...)

Pretty good day today, all in all. I moved, at work, for the last time, and now I am in my final seat. (Not in the dying way, I'm just not moving around anymore.) Worked one hour overtime. Ate chicken for dinner. 

Listening to: Shashkin (Hefner remix) - Omar Faruk Tekbilek (From the album Back to mine: The Voodoo Sessions)

*Indeed.

It's cold out there

Or so they say. Själv har jag verkligen inte märkt av denna omtalade kyla. Jag använde min vinterjacka ett tag men det var för vamt, så jag återgick till lättare höstvarianter tills jag kom på att en tröja räcker. Dygnet runt faktiskt, det är faktiskt inte alls så kallt som ni tror, era... hrm. Fjollor.

Sitter och dricker kaffe. Har försökt städa. Det har gått halvbra. Hade tänkte skura, men det får bli imorrn.

Igår såg jag 1408 igen, med Ks. Den var bra den här gången också, för att vara ganska oorginell. Läskig at times. Fika med Maja och Maia (och Robin en stund) var trevligt. En mycket trevlig kväll också. Såg Zibakhana (också igen). Den var bra (men sällskapet var den stora behållningen).

Idag har det hänt två roliga saker: Irländarna som aldrig ringde igår ringde istället idag och bad om uräkt för att de inte ringt igår. De ska ringa på fredag och intervjua mig. På fredag ska jag också på en annan intervju. Om jag har tur kanske jag far på en intervju i Göteborg den fjortonde också.

På lördag har Moa fest! Det kommer bli kul. Och snart är det dags för efter-fff-festen. Och jag funderar på en till ångestfest. Eller poesifest utan tonvikt på ångest. Får se.

Mja... Mitt liv är som ett oskrivet blad, det kan ta vilken väg som helst just nu. Har ingen aning om vad som kommer hända. Ingen aning om vad jag hoppas på. Ingen aning om vad jag vill.




Lyssnar på: Elvis, Ella Fitzgerald, Slim Gaillard
Dagens Youtube-hit: Baby it's cold outside med nyss nämnda sångerska.
Läser: Prinsessa söker drake av Patricia Wrede, en sjukt mysig barn/ungdomsbok. Man får inte vara för petig.
Pyssel: Har stoppat alla mina trasiga raggsockar.
Skriver: rollspelsäventyr och skapar karaktärer med spelarna.
Dricker: Jättemycket kaffe. Hela tiden.
Oroar mig för: katterna som fortfarande inte verkar må helt bra trots antibiotikakur, flytta utomlands?!?!?!?!

KAFFE

Gud. Min hjärna funkar inte. Jag behöver kaffe, eller batterisyra. NU. (Charles har gått för att köpa kaffe till mig vilket är bra.)

Två jobbiga grejer: mina händer är torra och det är det obehagligaste som finns. Och jag har tre myggbett på magen. Fyfan fyfan.

Två mindre jobbiga grejer: igår såg jag Stardust! Den var underbar och fantastisk och jag blev genomlycklig. Och igår såg jag också 28 veckor senare (with the eye to match) och den var jätteäcklig och läskig. Bra, men inte lika bra som ettan.

Jag fattar inte killar btw. Just nu så känner jag att jag är i behov av lite romantik eller liknande. Någon form av flörtande som leder någonstans, någon som jag kan faktiskt tycka om och vara mysig med. Dock är den här känslan inte så totalstabil. Tanken på att ha ett förhållande känns fortfarande rätt läskig.



Lyssnar på: Nina Simone, Lamb, Feist
Läser: The Pythons när jag hinner, massa filmtexter och sånt
Spelar: Desktop Tower Defense!