Thursday 31 July 2014

Roller coaster

Last week has been insane! Now I'm 30 and I feel pretty good about it. I had a great party and got some great presents.

Sunday 20 July 2014

Summertime cold

Right before I turn 30 is NOT the moment when I want the flu. Thanks but no thanks. I'm sneezing. My eyes are tearing up. And of course I'm super restless and can't sleep.


Tuesday 8 July 2014

It is the night

My body's weak
I'm on the run
No time to speak
I've gotta ride
Ride like the wind
To be free again

Now I'm not sure those are the right lyrics to the eighties hit "ride like the wind" or whatever. But I'm pretty sure about "it is the night" and I like that bit.

It's ten to three and I feel like I'm bursting with creativity and longing and energy. If I was a manic depressive I would be manic, but I'm just a boring old depressed person who feels like a million bucks for a little while but can't really keep that feeling or turn it into action.

If I was manic I would have cut my hair short and started writing two new books. I would sketch a lot of different sketches for different paintings and started a couple of them. I would cut up a lot of fabric for clothes I wanted to make. And then fall asleep. And then never finish any of those things.

Now I'm not manic. So I'm lying in bed (wait, is that the right spelling? I'm not telling lies, I'm lieing? No. Lie down? Not standing, not sitting. You get it. Whatever.) trying to muster up the energy to take my meds before I fall asleep. With a small storm inside me.

If I was manic I would have started fixing up my cv. Maybe even sent it to someone. I would have eaten something. I would have been awake until even later than this unholy hour.

I should sleep. Or take my meds and sleep. And stay off pinterest at night.

Monday 7 July 2014

Beat the heat

For a couple of days the south of sweden has been extremely hot. Yesterday I made a moussaka and a banoffi pie with a merengue topping. It was insanely hot in the kitchen. And outside it. I tried putting on makeup. It didn't really work out.

I bought a fan, the kind that folds up and doesn't need a battery. I'm happy that I did.

The dinner turned out great and in the evening I went for a sunset swim. Very lovely.

Today there has been quite a lot of thunder and lots and lots of rain. It's sticky and hot and my friend's car's alarm went off because of a lightning strike close by. We're watching top gear and sweating.

Over and out.

Friday 4 July 2014

Silly analysis

Reading about astrology (greek for "thinking about stars" - beautiful no?) and watching Elementary at the same time resulted in me analyzing traits a little. I have decided that Sherlock Holmes (at least the version of the character portrayed in Elementary) is a Virgo, born late in august. I have no idea if the character has an actual "birthday" (in the show or books) but he has a lot of Virgo traits. Joan Watson could be a Cancer. Possibly born in the first half of july.

Now it's really late and I can feel the night hunger starting to sneak up on me. And night eating leads to an even crappier sleep schedule so to bed I go!

I did do the cleaning today! And I paid a bill. Tomorrow I'll pay the other one. And meet my mother. And maybe start a new knitting, I have been experimenting with a design that I can't really get to work but I have some new ideas.

Thursday 3 July 2014


The faces that I draw are smiling. They used to look serious before, or sad. Even before my depression.

I'm at my most creative at night. I know in my heart that this is good.

I've been reading a lot about the zodiac. Not the murderer but the old astrological stuff. It's interesting, just a lot of symbols really. I know my mom has Jung's book on symbols somewhere. I would love to read it. Symbols are very interesting.

My thoughts flutter around like drunk butterflies, I love it. I'm inspired. Full of ideas, thoughts, fantasies, dreams.

The night time is the right time. The only thing I have to do tomorrow is some cleaning. And I hope I'll be able to make myself sew some things.

Either way I can stay up late and draw things. Smiling faces.

Tuesday 1 July 2014

Like a dream

Some days I feel like my dreams are close. I can almost touch them. Strange memories mingle with real ones.

Today is such a day. I feel inspired and restless but at the same time ... I don't know, distanced, detached.

Being awesome is hard

Soooo... I already throw amazing parties. I don't want to relive my childhood. I have the answers to a lot of questions - either in my heart or in my smartphone. I am def a rugged badass (when I want to be). I am witty enough. Dinosaurs never interested me much. The people that matter think I am smart enough. And I have lots of random no-strings sex. So I guess the only thing left to wish for is magic. My life must be pretty perfect.