It's worse than the usual "full of bees". It's storming in there, I can't sit still, intense, panicky anxiety and stress takes over body and mind.
Saturday, 24 September 2016
Thursday, 22 September 2016
Changes are so stressful! I've had a ... not good, but not very bad summer. I've felt lonely and isolated. I've missed Sweden. I've dealt with psychiatrists that did not give a flying flunk about me, my feelings, my experiences and my thoughts. I've mostly been indoors. But I've been with my darling. I've been in love. I've been carefully dreaming a little about the future instead of only trying to shut all thoughts up. I've been feeling hopefull. Now fall is here and it brings storms of change, good change but still stressful because it's change.
It's difficult when you have a lot to do and remember, and your brain just sort of shuts down. I get to keep some functions. I can cook, even though I get really stressed if there's anything that doesn't go according to plan. I can worry about stuff. I can make stuff even though I also make a mess. I've been patching my infinity skirt the last couple of days, at the moment I'm on patch number 20 for this specific round and there's still a ways to go. It makes my back ache but I want to get it done. I've been making some cards and spinning some yarn and carving some stamps.
And I've started thinking about Christmas! Mmmm Christmas. I still love Christmas. Even though I've experienced some shitty ones.
More specifically I've started to think about what I should get for Chris. He's a super tricky guy to shop for.
And of course having several panic or anxiety attacks every day! Woop! Fun stuff!
Anyway, I'm going to bed.