Sunday 15 September 2013


Its sunday afternoon and my head hurts. I just had breakfast and now I'm drinking coffee and smoking a cigarette. 

I feel creative and frustrated about because I can't get it out. I can't do the things I want to do. 

But soon I'm moving south! I feel optimistic, more so than I've felt in a while. 

Friday 13 September 2013


Been in such a turbulent mood today. Wavered between calling my psychiatrist and being over the moon. 

Now it's super duper late and I'm really happy and I feel like my life might come together somehow. Not sure how but still. It might work out. 

Miss Ben. But I'm so happy that I get to be his girlfriend and see him smile and talk to him. I'm so in love. 

Tuesday 10 September 2013


I smoked too many cigarettes and didn't drink enough water. My head hurts and my stomach. 

I'm confused and sad and sometimes it feels like I'm getting a grip of that elusive little sliver of thread that will let me unravel this mess, but mostly I just cry a lot and feel apathetic. 


Maybe I'll never be happy. Maybe I'll always be falling, falling. 

I'm frightened and my heart is hurting. I want my life to begin but I have no idea if it ever will. I don't know what I want. I don't know anything. 

I want to make things, paint things. Be creative. Unstoppable, happy, on fire. 

Maybe that's my goal. A small cottage. A bit of savings. Try to live of my art and crafts and writings. Jewelry. My dreams. 

A house in the forest, a dog. Far away.