Tuesday 31 December 2013

Sashiko-inspired mending embroidery

So I bought this skirt for myself for... I think my 24th birthday. I have loved it so much and worn it until threadbare. I started mending it about a year ago and have kept adding patches to it continuously. I think one day I might have only patches left, and none of the original fabric. I love the idea.

The method I'm using is inspired by the ancient Japanese technique "sashiko", which is originally made into intricate patterns in white on blue background, but my simple technique is still very functional for strengthening the fabric.

There are patches both on the inside and the outside.

Now it's two minutes to midnight and thereby 2014. I guess we're pausing "the holy grail" and having dry cider on the balcony.

New Year

New goals. I hope I find a job.

My new years resolution will be to create one thing every day. I will try to post them all. Here and on my Facebook page, kitten queen. Follow me there!

Saturday 28 December 2013


I'm out with a friend and we're feeling old. We're not very social but it feels pretty good to be around people. Even if we're both boring and old.

I didn't do any of the things I was gonna do.

Tomorrow I'm going to Lund.

Love love love

My darling sweetheart gave me a month of spotify. I love him. And music. Mmm. Thank you.

Friday passed by quickly. Tomorrow I'm going to bake cookies. And apply for a job. Yes.

Maybe go to Lund too. We'll see.

Yes very good

Totally broke my sleeping schedule. Fell asleep around eight, woke up around two. Now it's five in the morning and I'm super awake. Cool.

Friday 27 December 2013

Yes hello

I'm so tired all the time.

I haven't applied for the job. But I made dinner and dishes and tidied up a bit in the kitchen. And I made a little book.

I'm so tired.


I'm broken. I must be. I'm not working properly. I woke up at noon today and now it's midnight and I'm going back to bed.

Tomorrow it's Friday. I'm going to apply for a job. That's my whole list. Nothing else. The only thing I have to do tomorrow is apply for a job. One.

Today I took a shower and did some dishes and cleaned up a little in the bathroom. And I met a friend for a while.

My energy levels are really bad. I must be broken.

Wednesday 25 December 2013


So I did the Christmas thing yesterday and I survived. Today I'm tired.

I got some awesome presents though.

Tuesday 24 December 2013


Nej nej nej nej nej nej.

Vill inte. Allt blir bara skit. Alltid. Allt går alltid åt helvete. Jag mår skit. Jämt. Jag orkar inte. Orkar inte sängen full av jord. Orkar inte jul. Orkar inte illasittande trasiga kläder. Orkar inte. Vill inte. Kan inte.

Sunday 22 December 2013

Vatten över huvudet

Jag promenerar långsamt. Mina fötter gör ont. Igår firade jag yalda, en persisk midvinterhögtid. Jag är trött. Jag vet att jag inte borde ta ut mig så fort jag börjar må lite bättre men jag gör det ändå. Varje gång, utan undantag.

Igår träffade jag en kompis, sen gick jag upp till avdelningen, sen träffade jag Irena och Michal, sen körde de mig till folkets park där jag var till midnatt och dansade tills jag var genomblöt av svett. Det var en bra dag men idag är jag känslomässigt utmattad. Imorgon blir jag utskriven. Ytterligare en stressfaktor.

Kvinnan som bjöd in mig till Yaldafirandet heter också Yalda och är helt fantastisk. Hon är kanske runt sextio och pratar knappt någon svenska och har dessutom olika långa ben vilket gör det svårt för henne att gå. Jag tror att hon har otroligt ont. Trots det är hon alltid glad och dansade nog mer än mig igår. När hon dansar syns det inte att hon är handikappad. Som om det är meningen att hon skulle dansa.

Jag lärde känna henne när jag kom in åå avdelningen, vi delade rum första veckan eller så.

Då var stämningen där alltid rolig och bra, människor i alla åldrar som mest var ledsna, inte så farligt galna. Nu är det mest äldre kvinnor som är rätt ordentligt galna. Det är lite tråkigt men jag har träffat folk där som jag hoppas på att vara vän med länge. Som Yalda, som inspirerar mig med sitt soliga humör, M som är världens yngsta femtioåring, J som är ängslig men snäll, T som nästan känns som en familjemedlem, K som är min nuvarande, jätteroliga rumskompis, J som är fantastiskt intelligent och rolig, I som är dagisfröken och nästan lika liten som barnen hon jobbar med. Många fler. Som jag verkligen tycker om, mycket.

Nu finns det en gammal kvinna som sitter och skriker "maten är lagom varm!" Eller "slutet är nära!" och en annan som tror att man pratar med henne varenda gång man pratar och en som sjunger hela tiden. "Det finns inget vackrare än sanningen, sanningen, sanningen."

Det har varit fem märkliga veckor.

Thursday 19 December 2013

Silent night

Listening to music. Enjoying it thoroughly. A friend of mine gifted me a month of spotify premium and I'm listening to radio based on a wardruna song. Gothy and a bit of black metal and folk. Yummmm.

Very "winter is coming"-feel. Painting my nails again. The last time it failed.

Skyped with Maria for a bit, a long bit, it was lovely.

Dark plum purple this time. I like it. Smoking my e-cigarette.

Tomorrow I'm having lunch with my mom and then I'm going to buy some glögg, swedish spiced mulled wine, and some nice cheese and gingerbread dough and having a very nice evening.

In the right direction

The only way is up! I'm getting better. It feels good.

Most of the guys at the ward who I became friends with have gone back home or on to treatment facilities. And I'm going home on Monday.

I've had free permission to sleep at home and go out whenever I want but on Monday I'm going home for real.

Now I'm painting my nails and watching Disney movies and knitting Christmas presents.

Tuesday 17 December 2013

Just december

Not really Christmas. I'm sitting in my bed at the ward, listening to music and crocheting. Feeling strange and empty. Lonely. But I don't want to be with anyone.

I can smell hospital food. There's minus eighty three crowns on my account. It's raining outside.

Saturday 14 December 2013

Like birds

Embroidered some birds on a t shirt

Lucia science fiction special feature

Barbarella, brownies and crafting. A great night so far. Barbarella is funking amazeballs. Pygar the sexy blind angel, a not just strong but also smart and sensual and confident female lead, it passes the bechdel test beautifully, it's just all wonderfullness all the time. The bit with the dolls and the bit with the birds are both truly creepy. Gods. There's the mathmos that gives the city of night electricity (I think?) in return for hateful thoughts and also flesh.

There's the hairy child collector of the frozen forests and Duran Duran and "Dildano" the revolutionary and the harmonic sex and the "uncivilized" kind. The civilized way seems incredible tho.

Elsa the kitten is asleep on my leg and it feels like a great honor. C is untangling embroidery threads and KS is playing the new version of Terraria and J is mostly eating it seems.

Elsa is dreaming now, her kitten feet twitching madly.

This movie is hilarious. This cat is incredibly sweet. This company is wonderful. What a sweet funking night.

Cotton yarn cross stitch

Tried out some cotton yarn cross stitching thing the other day. Not fun, would not embroider again.

Thursday 12 December 2013

Wednesday 11 December 2013

Medicated feelings

I'm okay.

My feelings are muted. They're there and I can feel them but I don't really know what they want?

I have a new roommate and there's a woman in the ward who gets electric shock therapy.

I'm tired. I sleep a lot.