Trippin and coughin

So I did bake that thing, I wasn't very pleased with it unfortunately.

I went to Sweden to get the last of my stuff, and I'm happy to have it all in one place even though the stress from traveling and moving killed my immune system and I was sick for about a week after.

By now the complete chaos is subsiding. There's still a few boxes standing around and some things that don't really have a home yet but most stuff is sorted.

My curling iron wasn't there, and a few other things that I thought I'd get back, but there was a lot of stuff that I'd missed and that I'm really happy to be reunited with! And a lot of stuff that I'm giving to welfare.

I've started knitting christmas gifts! And today I went to the doctor for the first time since I moved over. I hope to be able to get a therapist here but it might be tricky and take time. I feel worried and sad about that. Even though we're surrounded by large cities here - Gothenburg is right to the East, North of here is Oslo, and Denmark is small so Copenhagen is just a 40 minute flight away - it feels like we're close to stuff! But we're in North Jylland (jutland?) and there's not much of anything here. (Except students and bars.) Doctors and psychologists are thin on the ground, unfortunately. We're pretty much in the countryside.

---EDIT---

Uhmmmm my curling iron was one of the first things I did unpack. Depression forgetfulness is SO MUCH FUN.

comfort and chaos

I'm still in moving limbo. It's pretty crappy but Chris makes it bearable. I'm super sensitive and unbalanced, just waiting, in mental transit. In a few weeks I'm getting my furniture and in a couple of months the last of my stuff. It's going to be amazing having (almost) all of my stuff in one place! For the first time in years!

Right now the thing I'm looking most forward to is getting my hand carders. They are in Stockholm right now, since more than two years. Then I'll be able to blend fibers on my own! I miss spinning so much, I've used up all the fibers that I had. Or all the fibers that I can spin on my homemade Turkish spindle. It's super light weight, made from a chopstick and some plastic from a juice bottle. I have some silk and bamboo tops but I want to blend it. And I have some super rough wool roving that I bought at the viking market in June but there's no way I can spin that on my spindle... need a "real" weighted spindle for that, and hopefully the one I own is among the things in Stockholm too. And if it isn't I recently treated myself to a wooden Turkish spindle! Really looking forward to that delivery!

Alright, I don't know if any of my readers know anything about spinning. If you do, there's some photos in my Instagram feed, @monsterkittie.

Springtime in my blood

I wake up at eight every morning (for days now) and manage to fill my days with things that feel meaningful.

Last night I stayed awake until real late and talked with my darling and it was good. Now I think that I might crawl back into bed for a tiny bit even though I've been up for two hours and had breakfast and coffee and stuff.

My plan for today is to clean my room thoroughly. And find some way of mixing watercolors in a spray bottle and maybe some more stuff.

Right after this nap.

the right direction

I did stuff! I feel good when I do stuff, when I get out of the apartment. Of course. I'm a human. Humans need to not only sit inside all the time.

Stuff:

• Went to the doctor
• bought hair dye
• bought a new tank for the electric cigarette
• bought some tea tree oil and stuff for making hippie stuff
• collected my bike from the repair shop
• made dinner
• made new dry shampoo (arrowroot, corn flour, baking soda, some cinnamon and a couple of drops of orange essential oil)

and now I have coconut oil in my hair, prepping for bleach and then a brand new pretty color! Yay!

---edit---
Soooo suddenly it was really late and too late to shower and WAY too late to start hair projects! So I guess my hair will get an overnight coconut oil treatment. 

WHAT UP MY WITCHES

Okay so after another day of not taking my happy pills I feel even more calm and happy. My thoughts are settling in my head and I finished the sky bit of my mural and did laundry and stuff. All good.

The last few days I have been researching "no poo", the practice of washing hair without shampoo, since shampoo is actually pretty harmful to your hair. If anyone can remember that far back I used to wash my hair with only conditioner for a year or so. I stopped about two years ago because I wanted to use styling products and stuff but I almost never do anyways. So intense research has been underway! I'm really exited about it, since I get really exited about stuff in general.

At the moment I'm experimenting a lot. So my hair looks like.. I don't know, troll hair. Zero shine and stuff but really structured? And it smells faintly of chocolate. So that's nice. The interesting thing here is that the internet is full of people who have no idea what they are talking about. I mean look at this. I've seen this tip about bleaching your teeth at home with hydrogen peroxide loads of times. Like... No. Dude. "Just keep it in your mouth for 20 minutes" - that's corrosive chemicals that you're mixing together and putting in your mouth. Your mouth. Just... No.

I'm trying to go by "if I can't eat it I don't want to put it on my body". I know it sounds a bit dirty hippie, but, well, okay. I might be. I'd rather be smelly (chocolate smelly! It feels okay!) than fucking eating hydrogen peroxide. I know those are two extremes but whatever. Shampoo is a really new invention, people have always had hair. I washed it with coffee grounds and baking soda yesterday but that might not be a great idea since on a different page the same mix is used to remove hair. So maybe not that. I also put a lot of lemon juice in it, which was a popular thing for girls to do when I was in eighth grade because they wanted to bleach it but they also made it really brittle, so that might not be super clever either, even tho it might? I'm not sure yet. I think the hair mask of coconut oil and honey that I put in my hair before "washing" it probably protected it a bit. Also it didn't really wash out. Heehee. After arriving at really kind of oily but still clean-feeling and completely odorless hair I wanted to go out, so I put some more baking soda in it, mixed with arrow root and cocoa powder and some cinnamon. I reached the current state of big, matte, curly, fluffy troll hair. I think I'll leave it until some kind of mix of corn starch, arrow root and cocoa powder stops feeling helpful (maybe within... I don't know, a few days, a week?) before subjecting it to more experiments. (I seldom wash my hair more than once a week, even with shampoo.) I'll keep you posted, whether you want me to or not. I'm also going to make my own deodorant! Ever more dirty hippie-warning!

Don't distrust, I still love science. I still own zero cats. I still don't love lentils. But it's a slippery slope, and being an artsy, slightly "eccentric" (if that's possible for poor people to be even), crafty woman over 30 it's easy to go all the way and just start wearing all linen and not eating pizza and maybe taking a pottery class. I already spin yarn and paint murals, so I mean this could just be a question of "when" rather than "if".

And my extreme distrust in doctors probably doesn't help... Welp, tomorrow is shrink day! Better get some sleep so that I can stride in there like the radiant lunatic we all know that I am, full of energy to change my behavior through understanding it! YES I also have zero trust in cbt. As mentioned. Vigorously.

I understand my behavior and I can change it at will. I would prefer to solve my problems. But we'll see. Tomorrow is the first actual treatment meeting. I wonder what he will say about me deciding against chemical warfare on my brain? (And also my body I guess! Altho I really don't give a fuck about my shrink's opinion on my hair.)

Pod, metaphors, Christmas, motherly love

Some news my beloved readers!

- I have, with my dear, dear friend Alexandra, started a podcast that you should listen to!

- On Saturday I'm metaphor wrestling for the fourth time (I think)! It's great fun! Come and watch it if you are in Skåne! Inkonst, eight o'clock, free entrance! I won't be catpuppy this time. I will channel the Amazing Grace! She is from America and she likes God and Freedom and Guns.

- I have baked ginger snaps, or "pepper cookies" (literal translation from swedish). This is one of my two Christmas traditions. The other is making and sending cards. Woop!

- My mother came by yesterday with a gift calendar! The advent calendar is a big deal in sweden. There are lots of different ones. There's even an official one from the free tv and radio thing. It's a socialist thing. Yay sweden! Anyway the gift calendars are a fun way to spend more money on small objects for your beloved ones. I am so happy for mine! Even though I won't be giving away anything for Christmas myself.

I think that's all the news. I've been feeling down the last few days and decided to quit alcohol for a few weeks. I painted a painting that turned out pretty horrible. I bought a new eye shadow. I watched all of the new season of Downton. I ate some chocolate. I decided to make a doll thing that I still haven't started making.

Hugs and kisses from your favorite bloggie <3

Better better better

I realized yesterday that I haven't cried as much since I moved to my new home as I used to. I still have bad days but the soul crushing blackness is gone.

I was so sad when I lived with him. He made me so miserable. He might have stolen my sewing machine and my underwear and a skein of marks & kattens "Madrid" and all my photos but at least I'm free from the horrible darkness of living with a psycho. At least I'm not constantly worried about his mood. If he's going to explode over some meaningless little thing.

He's a little bit like my ex only more evil and less attractive (and my ex was not very attractive). Come to think of it my ex, the compulsive liar, seems pretty nice in comparison. So there's that. At least I wasn't in a relationship with this one. Hah.

I realize daily things that I miss. A shawl I knitted. Things I made when I was a blacksmith. The last ball of the yarn I needed to finish a project. But the feeling of lightness that comes from not living with him anymore makes it easier to bear.

Adventures! Travel! Emotions!

You like that stuff right! All the good stuff. Yeah.
So today was GREAT. I stayed awake all day. I went to the workshop. I went to Rättvik with Kajsa and bought some yarn. (Not really needed perhaps but pretty. A very nice linen cotton something (rayon? No. Viscose maybe) blend that I'm gonna make a lace scarf of. My first real lace project! Scary and exiting.
I had tasty wonderful pizza, maybe for the last time in a long time, and I bought SO much vegetables! Oh my gosh. All the vegetables.
Gonna be healthy.
Getting sleepy now.
Talked to the best boyfriend ever for a while and played computer games and talked to friends and watched YouTube stuff and trailers for coming movies.
Uh. Almost sleeping now. Goodnight bots. I love you bots.

two. TWO!!

Sweet baby buddha made of candy. The nerves are NOT calming down. Not even a little.

I have been feeling extremely ugly the last few days, don't know what that is about, normally I think I look pretty nice.

My creativity has some kind of cramp and I have a bit of nausea even. Jeez.

Still I don't feel worried. What's the deal? Why am I so nervous?

Every time we talk my nerves calm right down and I'm just happy to see him. So hopefully that will happen when he gets here.

Until then I need to pack a weekend bag, do some laundry, maybe epilate my legs again (there's a reason for doing it twice! I promise!), finish a shitload of work, bleach my sidecut, move my skis to somewhere where they're not in the way... aaaand I guess that's it? Not sit and hyperventilate constantly?

And oh yeah. I might have bought a new phone last night. I blame the nerves!

Listening to: My Spotify starred list which has a lot of Buraka Som Sistema on it.
Working on: Making paper and clay models of a ring that I'm going to make. And sketches of it. A wedding gift. A large shawl. Metal fake nails.

travel

On the road again, pretty soon. But I'm just going to Lund. Or it's not so just, but I wont be going anywhere else. And woop! Joe is coming with me for a few days! We'll be arriving in Lund on the eighteenth and we'll be staying in my apartment. It feels great but I think it's gonna feel weird going back with no Ida here. She left today and I was crying most of the morning.

Been keeping busy reading webcomics like Girls with Slingshots and Hark, a Vagrant. I realized that there's a chance I like female comic artists better. I pretty much love comics, and there are lot's of male comic artists on my list of favourites, but the very very best ones often turn out to be women.

And then there's a crazy amount of crap. That's the nice thing about the internets. The crap. The unbelievable amounts of crap. And other stuff. I love finding pearls of niceness in the ocean of random bad and/or boring stuff. Haha.

Well, from the nineteenth this month and about a week forward I'll be giving away stuff, hugs, books, furniture, teacups, cd's, clothes, ducks, more stuff and some other stuff and accepting drinks, hugs and hangouts. You can't have my skiis though. I want to keep them. And a couple of other things. But apart from that, lot's of free stuff for pretty much anyone who shows up and grabs it! Yay! (Also you can spy on my handsome boyfriend.)

Also yeah not really getting used to that concept holy cow boyfriend? Wow. It's scary and awesome but mostly we have lot's and lot's of fun. Like the other day when we went to the beach and I hurt my foot. Uhm. Crappy anecdote yeah but it was a really good day. My foot still hurts.

Yeah scary stuff, boyfriends.


Listening to: Rachid Taha - Ida (by coincidence!)

tab shopping

As opposed to window shopping. Of all the things I found today most have just inspired me to make things of my own (I'll die if I don't invest in a sawing machine soon!) but I totally fell in love with this sweet candleholder!

Five more days untill I go back to Sweden for a well deserved two week vacation.

---EDIT---

Of course I mean sewing machine. Not for cutting down trees, for creating clothes and such. Thanks dad.

beautiful thoughts

As mentioned, once you get in to the more bacon-themed parts of the blogosphere, there is so very very much to read. I am bewildered.

Also thinking about making spinach and bacon soup for dinner. But Maria is sceptical.

Anyway due to economical... not greatness, I decided not to get the perm I dream of. I want big, fluffy curls. Or rather, bigger, fluffier curls. But priced around 70 - 100 euros it's out of my leauge, for now. Later maybe. So I'm going for the other alternative: becoming even blonder. And maybe throwing in some funny colours.

Other thing's I'll be prioritizing away is a new MP3-player with bluetooth, sewing machine, a new bra, food... Uhm... Failing with the positive attitude. Not in a great mood.

I got my vacation approved, but mentioned economical situation hinders me from booking tickets... Also I very very much want to meet my dad and sisters and brothers and dad's lady friend and more importantly the mother of Kajsa, my little walking sister, Ulrika, and since my dad doesn't answer my emails asking when he will be home I had to go ahead and book the bloody vacation anyways and now it looks like he's working for the whole time... Whoa, long sentence there. The point is; my family is very much my priority. And if it turns out I cant see them I'll be very sad.

My other family, on mom's side, seems to be more managable, which is great. Looking forward to meeting all my new-found relatives so much!

At the moment I'm looking forward to leaving work in eight minutes, and then going for fika with Sandra. She's leaving soon which really sucks. Seldom has so much greatness and funsies been able to fit in to such a very small person.

Well now. I'm tired enough to fall asleep right here but I'll try to keep awake untill I get home, at least.

rich

I got everything really. I can't think of anything better than spending the evening with a couple of good friends (Johan and Olof), watching a very very good movie (Romero's Diary of the Dead), eating my favourite food (peking duck from Eva House of course) and my favourite ice cream (B&J's Caramel Chew Chew). 

Spending a couple of hours listening to music and talking shit about nothing at all is also great stuff. 

And oh! I made someone happy today! Maybe the best thing ever. "Best christmas present in 27 years" could be the best review I've ever got. 

My first day working "for real" (not that I had a clue what I was doing or anything) went rather well. Everyone was very helpful and nice. 

Also I've decided what I'm going to do with all my stuff in Sweden. Since it doesn't look like I'm going back I'll get rid of most of it. Give it away probably, maybe sell some, throw some away. So; if you're in Lund this spring, and you want free stuff (and trust me, I've got some nice stuff) just let me know. If you want to buy stuff that's okay too. 

Less than one week to Maria's birthday now. 21 - internationally all grown up. I've got five days to find a perfect perfect gift, since that's what she always get's me. 

Shit.

Well. Going to get myself a couple of gifts too. T-Shirt Hell is closing down.

Just wish the nightmares would give me a break. Seriously. So much death and pain and stuff going wrong and everything is absurd. Things breaking. 

Listening to: Party Ben bootleg mashups. Like Drop It Like It's A Whole Lotta Love.