Springtime in my blood

I wake up at eight every morning (for days now) and manage to fill my days with things that feel meaningful.

Last night I stayed awake until real late and talked with my darling and it was good. Now I think that I might crawl back into bed for a tiny bit even though I've been up for two hours and had breakfast and coffee and stuff.

My plan for today is to clean my room thoroughly. And find some way of mixing watercolors in a spray bottle and maybe some more stuff.

Right after this nap.

SPRING!

I love spring. I love the drunken feeling of life just bursting from the earth. Everything is singing, shouting with happiness. Winter is gone, SPRING IS HERE. Flowers and leaves and grass all sing. Birds sing. The earth sings drunkenly, in love.

I get this feeling when I ride my bike at night, this feeling of floating, a magical feeling with loud music in my ears and stillness all around me. No people. no traffic. Just this song from the earth, the air is thick with it. Like when you fly in a dream, you just focus every fiber of your being into this magical act, this one amazing leap off of the ground and you FLY.

In my dreams I flap my arms when I fly.

At night, on my bike, it's that same feeling. Surreal and powerful.

Spring is here. Life is bearable. Sometimes. At night, riding my bike through the darkness. If I was happy I would be very happy right now.

My boyfriends are both being nice. My friends want to hang out with me. The future doesn't feel like a wet wool blanket wrapping itself around me, covering my face, cold, wet, heavy, so heavy. The future might be okay.

Life is bearable. The night sings. I can breathe.

Night lost

Augh I'm so very tired. Went to bed too late and didn't go to sleep until even later. On the subway now, not so very late! I'm proud of myself!

Today I got my spring jacket from the closet and my winter one will hopefully take it's place rather soon.

I need coffee.

Ah at least it's Friday.

Listening to: Kyuss

springtime

The sun is shining as if there was no tomorrow. As if it was in a hurry, to give all that is has before it is to late. White buildings gleam blindingly, every forgotten drop of rain is drying.

The sun is shining as if it was the first day in existence, as if some diety had just thought of light and the sun was an answer to that thought. Shining proudly, like it had just realized that it was the most important thing in the solar system.

The sun is shining so bright it might seem like wrath, it's sharp rays piercing through the filthy corrugated fibreglass roofing just outside the window, making it all the way in to touch my face, hidden from the sun for so long.

The sun is shining as though it was in love with this dirty old town. Shining on every secret, every hidden peice of filth, every memory, it's touch softer than a lover's, shining happily and free from judgement. Shining on everything, just as bright.

It's not going to stay this way. This is not the truth, this kind of burning love doesn't last. This isn't really spring. In this town, there is no spring, no winter, no summer. Just different states of autumn. But the sun shines on me for now.

Listening to: Great Lake Swimmers - Your Rocky Spine