two. TWO!!

Sweet baby buddha made of candy. The nerves are NOT calming down. Not even a little.

I have been feeling extremely ugly the last few days, don't know what that is about, normally I think I look pretty nice.

My creativity has some kind of cramp and I have a bit of nausea even. Jeez.

Still I don't feel worried. What's the deal? Why am I so nervous?

Every time we talk my nerves calm right down and I'm just happy to see him. So hopefully that will happen when he gets here.

Until then I need to pack a weekend bag, do some laundry, maybe epilate my legs again (there's a reason for doing it twice! I promise!), finish a shitload of work, bleach my sidecut, move my skis to somewhere where they're not in the way... aaaand I guess that's it? Not sit and hyperventilate constantly?

And oh yeah. I might have bought a new phone last night. I blame the nerves!

Listening to: My Spotify starred list which has a lot of Buraka Som Sistema on it.
Working on: Making paper and clay models of a ring that I'm going to make. And sketches of it. A wedding gift. A large shawl. Metal fake nails.

second floor

Nightmares. Yes. But they actually contain other stuff. I dreamt I shot someone. In the head, four entering wounds in the back of the head and four exit wound in the forehead. Small wounds. He didn't die though. He fell to the floor and I ran away with the machine gun. And I turned back. And he smiled at me. Lying on the floor. Not a nice dream.

The dream about the parking lot was much better. And all the other dreams.

Today is not a good day. Endorfines can be helpful but I wish they would last longer. I wish a lot these days. I dream. I try to stop myself. The dreams hurt.

It's my birthday in a couple of days. I got an unexpected birthdaypresent from Henrik yesterday! Cluedo! My favourite game! He didn't really want it so when I asked if I could borrow it he just gave it to me. He is a nice person in my book now. So far, all the birthday presents that I got have been great.

Basically Iv'e only got one thing on my mind right now. Can't really stop thinking about it.

When I come to Sweden I am going to have my old mobile phone number, just so you know, all of you who will want to call me. I arrive in Sweden on the twentythird of august. At around two thirty in the afternoon.

Love you too dad.

Strange dreams... and also: weekend again.

So, last night was first very warm, because I turned up the heater to much, and after only half-waking and turning it off completely for some reason, very cold. So I woke up from a strange and very real nightmare with a very sore throat and a devilish headache (I always believe in that one beer, but there's allways at least three. At least when you go out with Louis).

In the dream (in the end of the dream) I was attacked by a small old lady, she grabbed my bike and I knew that she was going to kill me. I hit her with my elbow in her face, but she only got stronger, her face wrinkled wierdly and her teeth got sharp and pointy. She tried to grab my arm but I managed to get free, but I had to keep hitting her to keep her teeth away from me. I just wanted to punch her face in, break her nose, but she just kept mutating, babbling, and suddenly I was able to make out a few words from her insane ranting. I turned around and shouted to my friend (or possibly girlfriend) "Make a light!" She looked at me without comprehenshion, I kept shouting, now using all my attention to fight off the old lady who had almost trasformed completely into a tree-like monster with long, sharp teeth and fingers like sharp, spiky twigs. At some point the girl understood that she had some kind of power to help me, and between me and the tree-monster-lady a sharp, white, cold light appeared, like a silent and slow explosion, and then I woke up.

Today has been kind of slow. Or, I have been slow, there's been quite a lot of calls. 32 so far, wich really isn't much compared to, for example, Sara, who sits across the desk from me. She has maybe 60 calls per day. But since I'm new I'm on low priority, and so far I've had around 20 calls per day. Alright, I know this is not very interesting. But the point was that I have been very tired all day, but it's better now, only one hour left untill the weekend actually begins. The week has been insanely short. Tonight we party. Tomorrow I'm taking the longest bath ever.

I'm dreaming of a white christmas...tree

Today the french guys told me that they found a white christmastree! They are the sweetest people ever to come out of France, I'm sure.

And the money I've been waiting for turned up... In someone elses account. Luckily, this someone turned out to be my desk-neighbour and housebuddy Nikolaj! (That's the danish one.) What are the odds?

And tomorrow, the official house warming party!

So yes, life is good, very good, but there's a shadow behind it all, of course, as usual. There has to be I guess.

Talking to Maia and Emilia is always good.