Tuesday 3 February 2009


This is pretty insane... The snow is rushing down, like it wants to hide this dirty town and never let it see daylight again. It wont though; the snow falls and falls and falls but it never settles.

Like me.

Maybe every snowflake loves the ground, every one of them, hurling themselves to certain death just to get to be near it in the process.

I wonder if it's worth it... Sometimes I wonder if there was anything I could have done differently. If any action I could have done, or refrained from doing, would have changed anything. I can never see any different outcome than this one. Every crash that made me stronger, every heartbreak that made me grow, feels like nothing now.

I know he wanted to be with me, he used to, I made him happy and I was the one he wanted, and I think that has changed - I'm pretty sure - I want to say I know, I want to know that he doesn't feel that way anymore but I don't believe he would tell me the truth if I asked. I wish he could have told me when it happened, when he stopped being in love with me. It would have been really hard to hear but not as hard as trying to convince myself to stop hoping.

The snow is falling, violently, like it's trying to punish earth, but earth doesn't notice. The snowflakes melt, die without a whisper, like tears gently falling to the ground. Like the softest touch in the world. A million tiny kisses.

I still can't regret anything. But I want to move on.

Listening to: Kings of Leon - Cold Desert

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