make it real

The weekend is almost over. Soon enough I'm going to bed. At the moment I can't stop listening to Regina Spektor even though I want to listen to a book... Knitting the most complicated thing I've ever knitted, which is fun, but I'm not going to say very much about it since it's going to be a christmaspresent.

At home I hang out a lot in the living room, Olof and Maria are hanging out more upstairs. I enjoy being alone as much as I enjoy company. Basically I'm happy all the time. I bought modelling paste and I'm gonna make lots of fun stuff to put in our tree (which is probably going to be plastic from Argos) and probably a lot of other stuff as well.

Friday was nice, was in town with Maria after work, had the mightiest salad ever, some red wine, talked with someone a lot over msn, then I went out with Sandra, the new Swedish girl at work, for some more wine. It was great, she's really cool. Saturday was also nice, me and Maria went to town, Maria found a great coat, I found great yarn, we had coffee with Sandra at tribes. Then I chilled out by myself, knitted, watched Lost Boys: The Tribe and I'm sorry but it really wasn't any good at all. Sorry Susan. Sorry PJ Pesce. Sorry. Also saw the first episode of Sarah Connor Chronicles which was ok I guess, was not very focused, but it had Summer Glau in it so YAY! Summer Glau I love you!

Eventually New Swedish Björn convinced me to go to Egon's party and we walked through the pouring rain for like an hour and I had high heels, good planning there. Egon lives in Blackpool which is really far away but he had a nice house with a nice party in it and rum smoothies and I had fun. And Egon gave me a pair of converse! So now I have five pairs. Five pairs of converse and four pairs of hight heels. Great stuff. I live in Ireland! Ireland! Rain! So I'm gonna buy a pair of boots and probably use them a whole lot.

I hope I'll get my bag tomorrow! Hope hope hope!

I want to know how to trust someone. I want to. It feels like a good thing. This someone feels like someone good. But I think my basic capability to trust is screwed. I feel betrayed. I don't think I am but I still feel like it. Maybe I want to let go, maybe I don't. I wish I knew. I wish emotions were simple and rational.