no words

I just... I don't know.

It takes me a while to realize things. Yesterday evening I realized something, after like hours. Today as well. It's like... Whatever happens during the day sinks in in the afternoon. After work. Probably because I do my best to deny it and then, after dinner, my resistance is weak. I fail denial and it slowly comes creeping.

The realization. The knowledge. I should not have gotten my hopes up. Why, why do I allow myself to dream about this?

Emotional extreme bungyjump - you don't know if you have a rope or not. And you jump blindfolded. And you don't know where you are, or what waits down there. Might be rocks, might be flames, might just keep falling and falling through darkness for ever, might land in... a big bed somewhere. Might open your eyes and realize your not falling at all, but flying.

Only I'm fucking scared.

Today we went to Leisureplex after work and played airhockey for a hundred years. Then we bought pizza, and Johan managed to order pizza with meat, and he got mad and went home, and I'm playing with my sucky bluetoothheadset that can't do any tricks at all, like, say, play music from my mobile phone. Noooo. Also transferring lots of new music to my mobile through my new cable. Which does exactly what it was meant to do. I also have a new water cleanser thingy. So water now tastes beautiful.

And today a call came in from New Zealand and the caller was a Swedish guy. Really cool.

And there's lots of concerts to see in Cork this summer! Tinariwen, Alabama 3, Hammell on Trial, José Gonzales...

Yeah, trying to focus on everything else but that thing that I keep thinking about, trying to seem happy. For everyone.