whoa

Like... So much good stuff all at once. 

So still in bed, watching movies and eating raisins and playing Heroes of Might and Magic and feeling a bit sorry for myself. But resting is good for me. Physically as well as mentally. And even though last night sonded like enormous amounts of fun and something that I really would have wanted to experience (three people's last day-beer-thingy) I think that taking it easy is very good for me, in so many ways. Economic as well as the before mentioned.

Crossroads was completely wonderful, and Punch-Drunk love was as far from "an Adam Sandler-movie" you can possibly come while still having Adam Sandler in the movie... Sweet and romantic and touching and not at all the usual idiotic crap he usually acts in. I can't stand that stuff, really, but Punch-Drunk Love is something else. Watch it. Do it now. You will not regret it. Watch it! I'm serious! It has wonderful Emily Watson in it as well.

Time for pills! And probably some painting! And then the third episode of Dollhouse!

Listening to: Deep Forest (complete discography on shuffle)

home again

Home... Which in this case means "home from work" and also "not down at the pub". Tonsilitis and an ear infection made that happen.

Another angle: I feel more like a stranger than ever at the moment.

So I realized something, anyways. I got basically everything I need. There is a bunch of stuff i want but nothing I can't do without. So that feels kinda good. New attidude. 

This week has been mainly pain, art and anime. And Ghormenghast. Painting for the first time in years and man I like acrylics better than oil! Mostly staying in bed though. Ear infection equals dizzyness equals nausea. Sucks.

Found a new webcomic that I like; The Zombie Hunters. Also been listening a lot to Jan Garbarek and Deep Forest, great stuff to paint to. 

Wish canvas was cheaper. 

Watching: Crossroads, from '86 (not the one with Britney, the one with the blues! It's great!)

spontaneous massive existence failure

"Your voice is much smaller now than it used to be"

Maybe I'm not really stronger. Or maybe I am, but I can't really feel it, since everything is so much heavier now than before. So even if I'm stronger everything is harder. Nothing feels... right.

Time moves so quickly and nothing happens at all but everything is changing and I feel so meaningless that I don't want to get out of bed in the morning and I feel so lonely that I don't want to go to bed in the evening.

On top of that I think I'm getting sick again. My throat hurts like hell.

So I don't know exactly why my voice is so much smaller than before. If it is because I'm tired, because of the almost-cold, because I had a pretty rough weekend, because I feel like shit, because I feel like the most meaningless creature in existence or just a lack of confidence.

Listening to: Preferably 16 Horsepower - Secret South, but also some Be Good Tanyas, Cowboy Junkies, Great Lake Swimmers and a bit Kings of Leon.

do's and don'ts

My do today.

beautiful thoughts

As mentioned, once you get in to the more bacon-themed parts of the blogosphere, there is so very very much to read. I am bewildered.

Also thinking about making spinach and bacon soup for dinner. But Maria is sceptical.

Anyway due to economical... not greatness, I decided not to get the perm I dream of. I want big, fluffy curls. Or rather, bigger, fluffier curls. But priced around 70 - 100 euros it's out of my leauge, for now. Later maybe. So I'm going for the other alternative: becoming even blonder. And maybe throwing in some funny colours.

Other thing's I'll be prioritizing away is a new MP3-player with bluetooth, sewing machine, a new bra, food... Uhm... Failing with the positive attitude. Not in a great mood.

I got my vacation approved, but mentioned economical situation hinders me from booking tickets... Also I very very much want to meet my dad and sisters and brothers and dad's lady friend and more importantly the mother of Kajsa, my little walking sister, Ulrika, and since my dad doesn't answer my emails asking when he will be home I had to go ahead and book the bloody vacation anyways and now it looks like he's working for the whole time... Whoa, long sentence there. The point is; my family is very much my priority. And if it turns out I cant see them I'll be very sad.

My other family, on mom's side, seems to be more managable, which is great. Looking forward to meeting all my new-found relatives so much!

At the moment I'm looking forward to leaving work in eight minutes, and then going for fika with Sandra. She's leaving soon which really sucks. Seldom has so much greatness and funsies been able to fit in to such a very small person.

Well now. I'm tired enough to fall asleep right here but I'll try to keep awake untill I get home, at least.

new stuff

So you might have noticed the new title... I realized that I don't feel like a stranger any more. Most of the people I got to know when I came here are gone, and most of the people who came here after me are gone too, and I don't feel like a newcomer at all anymore. I know the streets by name, I know obsure little restaurants and shops, they know me by name in some of them...

And through all that has happened to me I feel different, stronger than before. Hence the change of one little letter. A subtle yet very important difference.

I am still stranger than many others though, in their eyes. "You are so strange" is something I hear every day.

And I feel that it's pretty important to remember to try to keep my attitude a bit positive at the moment, since everything feels a bit heavier, for some reason.

As most people might know the word "blog" comes from "web-logg", a way for internet nerds to tell other internet nerds what they're up to on the web. In that great tradition I thought I would share some interesting stuff with you!

This wonderful picture blog has captivated my interest most of the morning. And now I want to see Asia in general, and Thailand in particular, even more than before.

This absurd recipe doesn't really sound strange at all once you read it through... Actually, it sounds very nice... The bacon trend on the internet right now is really flourishing. Also, as a lover of ice cream above all other sweet things, I want, no need an ice cream machine, now! Please please please! Doesn't go too well with the lchf-lifestyle though. Or... Frozen yoghurt should work. But it's not really the same...

As so many other's I've gotten stuck on "Heja Abbe", a Swedish blog about a little boy born with a heart problem, written by his devoted and loving father. Very close to tears a number of times, as I follow Abbe's first couple of years through operations, medicines, hospitals, specialists and pain but also trips to the beach and the joys of family life at it's best.

Now I'ts lunchtime! Leftover's from last nights Peking Duck (one of my lchf-exeptions... only three times a week isn't a very creative idea).

Listening to: 16 Horsepower - Straw foot

holy cheese

So I've been spending a couple of days exploring the Swedish blog-jungle. There are so extremely many blogs there. Middle aged men who write about sport, middle aged men who write about their children, middle aged men who write about their relationships, middle aged women who write about sex, young women who write about sex, middle aged women who write about their children, middle aged women who write about dieting, middle aged women who write about relationships, young women who write about fashion, young women who write about dieting, young women who write about knitting, young women who write about relationships, young women who write about eating disorders, people in general writing about themselves and feeling like they mean something.

Well. They probably do. They are also, many of them, pretentious asses who perceive themselves to be literary geniuses, but that's okay. Oh, and yeah, many of them work with advertising. There is loads of crap and loads of good stuff.

Anyways they all have one thing in common; this "challenge". No one challenged me because I am not a part of the friendly blog gang commonly referred to as "The Swedish Blog-Elite" but that's okay too. But since work is a bit slow today, and since I am already challenged by nature, I will treat you, my honoured readers, to this highly interesting challenge, in Swedish! Woohoo!

10 Första
Första bästa kompis: Ehm... Mellanstadiet. Anna. Tror jag. Kortlivad vänskap; minns henne knappt idag. Hade ju inte så supermycket vänner egentligen.
Första bil: Det kommer förmodligen bli någon billig skräphög som jag kommer tycka väldigt mycket om.
Första kärlek: Matthew hette han tror jag. Jag var väl fem kanske, på besök i Amerika för första gången. En mycket liten stalker i rosa klänning.
Första husdjur: En kanin som tuggade sönder hemmets alla sladdar.
Första semester: Skidsemester i min tidiga barndom?
Första jobb: Sommarjobbade på en reklambyrå när jag var fjorton eller så.
Första köpta skiva: Reggae Reggae - 40 happy Reggae hits! Lyssnar fortfarande på den.
Första piercing: Funderar faktiskt på att ta hål i öronen. Prövade en gång när jag var tolv men det gick åt skogen. Samma sak med tungan när jag var femton.
Första konsert: Som foster, Sting and the Police, om jag inte minns fel.

8 senaste
Senaste alkoholdrycken: Ett litet glas med nåt starkt i på efterfesten i lördags.
Senaste bilfärd: Taxi hem från efterfesten i lördags, betalt av nån spoling som Ida flörtat upp.
Senaste filmen du såg: Welcome to the Dollhouse av Todd Solondz. Den var sådär suburban och mobbing och arg och förtryckt sexualitet lite tung och lite indie och sådär. Bra dock.
Senast ringda telefonsamtal: Igår ringde jag och beställde kinamat på väg hem.
Senaste bubbelbadet: Senaste skumbadet var väl nån gång i höstas. Blir tyvärr väldigt långt mellan gångerna eftersom man måste värma vattnet i ca. 100 år innan det räcker till att fylla det ändå inte så väldigt stora badkaret.
Senast spelade CD-skiva: Spelar inte direkt CD-skivor. Men den senaste fysiska CD-skivan med musik på som jag har satt i en CD-spelare för att lyssna på måste vara Boss Hoss-skivan jag fick av Johan i julklapp.
Senaste gången du grät: I söndags.
Senaste måltiden: Frukost bestående av en liten bytta yoghurt med rabarbersmak och två små Gouda-bitar från kantinen. Sorgligt svårt att hitta nåt att äta som är okej när man går på en halfass-lchf-diet. (Inga kolhydrater, mer fett.) (Halfass för att jag fasar det lite, skär mest ner, gör lite undantag. Men det känns bra.) Snart lunch, blir nog sallad. Jävligt inspirerat.

6 har du någonsin
Dejtat en av dina bästa kompisar: "Dejtat"? Jo, det har jag kanske. Men nu har det återgått till kompis-stadiet. Men han är fortfarande en awesome människa.
Blivit arresterad: Jo.
Blivit kär vid första ögonkastet: Alltså... Jag har sett folk som är så snygga så att man liksom aldrig riktigt glömmer det. En av dem blev jag tillsammans med, men han var ett as. En av dem pratade jag inte ens med, men fortfarande, efter väldigt många år, är han en av de snyggaste jag sett.
Fastnat med blicken i någons urringning: Lätt.
Sagt att du älskar någon utan att mena det: Jag tror det. Men bara kanske en gång eller så.
Busringt till någon: Njaej, hade ju inte direkt några vänner som barn, så det blev inte så mycket sånt.

7 saker du har på dig

1. Lila strumpor
2. "alternativa" chucks
3. Undies
4. Blå jeans
5. Gul T-shirt med gula ballonger från Threadless.com
6. Swipecard
7. Hemmastickad halsduksgrej.

6 saker du har gjort i dag
1. Försovit mig
2. Gått till jobbet
3. Jobbat
4. Ätit tråkig kantin-frukost med gott kaffe till
5. Slösurfat
6. Bloggat

5 favoritsaker utan rangordning
1. Min mobiltelefon, "Concorde"
2. Min dator, "Kitteh"
3. Min nya hårddisk, "Ernst Hugo"
4. Mina svarta ätpinnar från Åhléns
5. Allt mitt smink

4 personer du kan berätta allt för:
Okej... Nu har jag sparat den här frågan till sist. ALLT berättar jag faktiskt inte för någon. Men eh... just nu ser det ut som Kristoffer och Maria kanske skulle kunna kvala in som människor som jag berättar mest för. Men det innebär nog inte så mycket.

3 val
Blått eller rött? Rött vin. Rött kött. Blå blå vindar och vatten, blå blå himlar och hav.
Sommar el vinter? Älskar att åka skidor men bortsett från det sommar. Saknar svensk sommar. Saknar inte svensk vinter.
Choklad el chips? Choklad.

2 saker att göra innan du dör
1. Se världen.
2. Bli lycklig.

1 sak du ångrar
Ingenting. Någonsin.

och slutligen vilka 3 som ska få fortsätta denna kedja av aldrig sinande utmaningar: Min Mamma borde starta en blogg och fylla i sina svar i den. Annars... Alla som läser den.