Monday 3 November 2008

safety in numbers

Sometimes I get so scared it feels like my heart shrinks, and it's hard to breath. Scared that nothing will ever work out, that I will fail at everything, that everyone will be mad at me.

That everyone will find out.

I made a desicion to tell people. Not everyone maybe, but everyone that could be affected, and so far no one really seems to care.

I havn't been keeping it a secret actively, I've told people if it comes up for some reason or if I want them to know for some reason, but I havn't been very open with it.

And the thing with telling people is that it's fucking scary. But I need to accept it and I need people to know because if they don't know they wont understand things about me. Why I do things the way I do. And I realized that there's a bigger chance that they would get mad, or at least annoyed, if they don't know the reason for my actions.

So I don't hide it. I tell people. And it almost makes me choke.

But well... I can't count.

Numbers has no relevance to me. I have problems with time and money and everything else measured in numbers. I can't handle basic math. I don't know by heart what 8+6 is. I don't know the times tables over three.

There. Now you know; I'm an idiot. Feel free to judge me if you want to.


Anonymous said...

Way to go girl!
Lycka till, ett steg mot frihet. Allt som man fokuserar på att dölja tenderar att bli starkt och värre.
Du är helt perfekt.
Din mamma

Anonymous said...

You are a lovable idiot... kramar