Friday 24 April 2015

Beginning of the end

...of the week. It's been a long one. Since I came home on Monday evening a million years have passed. I've tried to be strong but I failed as usual. I fuck stuff up.
I just can't make myself feel like anything matters at all. Like there's any point in trying to force myself to get out just for the sake of getting out. Broke and not really feeling like hanging out with anyone else than people who are close to me and who I feel safe and comfortable with.

Fucking Friday. I want to feel happy. I had a thought of going running before I remembered that a physiotherapist told me years ago that I definitely should not run. My hips are too crappy. Jogging will just make me semi invalid. (Really.)

I can't afford a gym membership to try to make my legs, back, stomach and hip-muscels strong enough to survive running, and even if I could I would probably fail to go. Or use the money on things that I need more. Like a new phone or a new laptop or at least a new cooling pad for the one I have now.

I'm so tired of myself. I want to get out of my own head. But I have no idea how.

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