whirlwinds

I could fall in love with him, I thought. I could love him.

He kept surprising me. I kept surprising myself. He was so perfect, and in my head that "could" disappeared. I love you my inner voice whispered. I couldn't say it. It was too soon. The voice got louder. Soon it was difficult to not say it out loud.

Every time I was close to saying it I kissed him instead. And in the kisses I felt him answer. I love you too.

In his eyes, in his hands, it was there. I love you.

I tried to explain it instead of saying it. Those words are taboo, so hard to say. Instead I said all the other things, all the parts of the feeling. He did too.

Still, saying it out loud felt like a release. The feeling that had come into me and started shining like a sun. I was so scared that I made him say it first but we both knew by then, I think. He was scared too.

It was like all the clichés in the world. It was romantic and beautiful. It felt, still feels, like everything is going to be okay. Or better than okay. It feels like... I didn't even think it could feel like this, I could feel like this. I thought I was too broken.

It feels good.