Duality

I'm happy. And sad. I'm falling apart. I'm on the verge of a panic attack. My stomach hurts. It's hard to breathe.

That feeling, all the time, like I'm going to be broken forever, never fixed, never whole.

And at the same time a feeling of becoming something new. Something never broken.

I want to cry. The tears won't come. My head has been hurting for three days. I want to be close to my person.

I knocked over my coffee cup and spilled coffee all over the floor and broke one of my favorite little cups. Everthing feels horrible and difficult. My body feels tired. I've been sleeping so much but I keep feeling tired.