Wednesday 27 May 2009

what I know and what I believe

I had a kinda shitty day today, in ways. I look a bit like Hulk Hogan from a kinda maybe not supergreat dye last night (redoing it in a couple of days though) and woke up when I was supposed to leave with a mad throatache. Everything went wrong all morning.

But work was extremely slow so I survived. Went to buy some food after and went home to cook it. Unfortunately I kinda failed the cooking! Me! The food wizard! Yes. Too bad. Shit happens. Joe smiled and said "It tasted great darling" and I don't believe him for a second but I do appreciate it and I like it so when he calls me darling.

At the same time this double feeling. Right underneath the happiness, worry, anger, sadness. Feels shitty.But I'll get over it, because I don't want this weight. I don't want that again. But the memory is clear as daylight, the memory of the pain. The anger is close. 

But I won't get angry. I'm unforgiving this once but I don't want to fall back into that darkness. Let you forget... Sure. Whatever. I'll forget.

Maybe I should forgive? For my own sanity's sake? Or maybe I should just try to not think about it? Because the more I do the angrier I become. Don't want that, don't need that, not now, not ever.

So how about I do the dishes now?

Listening to: Lykke Li - I'm Good, I'm Gone (spotify)

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