inside

Why am I feeling so low? Like... my heart is made out of led, cold and heavy, and I'm just so sad.

Well, to answer my own question, I think it's lots of different things. Making decicions and changing my mind, being reminded of old pains, being generally confused and forgetful and feeling even worse about it. Feeling scared and powerless and lonely.

Basically none of these feelings make any sence. They don't have anything to do with the reality I live in. If I could just move the black, heavy veil from my eyes I would maybe see reality and feel better but I see everything through a thick layer of pain, misery, regret and confusion.

I have felt worse than this. Most of my life. It's not really so bad. It's just that it's... not real, and I still can't shake the feeling.


Listening to: Robert Pattinson - Never Think (Yes. Robert Pattinson. Looks stupid, acts stiff, sings like a grown man who just lost his whole family in a fire or something. Really good.)