It hit me that this thing with rejection is very much about feeling stupid for trusing someone. Feeling small and naive and a bit pathetic for believing. Believing in yourself for a little while.
Don't get me wrong now, I do believe in myself. But theres a cold shadow of a doubt, the doubt of a fourteen year old girl, a very naive girl, that stirrs inside upon the total rejection of a lover, actual or hoped.
I do reject as well, but never as harshly as the latest two times I have been rejected myself. Or at least I hope not. This is not about my feeling for the people who reject me, this is about my feeling about being rejected in general. I have to admit that if I'm down it's not because of this, and I'm not really down, its mostly philosophical ponderings.
Apart from stupid it makes me feel angry, most of all angry. What right do people have to make me feel for them and then turn their backs? What right to make me feel stupid? Then again. All of a sudden I realize I've rejected poor defenceless people worse than this. People who beleived in me. That makes me feel naive too though. Not powerful or respected.
With these thoughts I bid you goodnight, but first I want to encourage all my readers to check out my new picure-posting place, pixbox, where my photos will be posted from now on. Unfortunately without an easy-to-remember direct adress. But on the other hand accessible to people who are not part of the great machinery known as Facebook, the great monster of subtle copyright theft. Feel free to do the rss-thing. And remember - all my photos (as well as everything else I create) - are copylefted.