Evening

Why do I keep this bloody blog? My whole audience consists of bots.
I've gone to bed again. I've been so tired today. But now I can't sleep, only cry. (Partly because I watched grave of the fireflies and it was crazy sad. Didn't even really like it much. Partly because I feel so extremely alone.)
Everything feels meaningless. This new life is starting to feel like the old one minus coffee and smokes. Which I liked.
My jaw feels better.
Maybe tomorrow I'll... Nah. Who am I kidding. Tomorrow I'll be apathetic and sad. Like today. And all other days.
I'm not getting stronger, I'm getting ready for a mental institution. Fuck.

alone/loney

Maria left for Sweden today and Olof just left for his new house. Got the house to myself for a few days. In just one week I leave for Sweden as well.

And just one week ago me, Maria, Hannah, Eoghan and Ida (and eventually Joe as well) where having goodbye drinks at Tom Barry's. I haven't had a drink since, which is a pretty long time for me. I mean, I not an alcoholic but I live in Ireland. There is one social venue. The pub.

Joe is at his folks place tonight.

So yeah everyone I know goes away in the end kind of feeling at the moment. I mean, I'm not angsty, Maria comes back on sunday and life is peachy in general and I don't mind being alone one evening (or two, or seven) but I'm in a really lousy mood and today I would have wanted to hang out with someone.

Here is where I would have told you the reason why I'm pissed off but I wont. Ask me if you're interested.

Listening to: Buraka som Sistema on Spotify and WOW I love them.

constant buzzing

Seriously. My brain. It never gives me a rest.

Life was so easy for a while. It's still pretty easy. It's mostly good.

It's only that I don't know where to focus. There are things that make me sad wherever I turn. For the first time in ages I'm feeling lonely. I still enjoy being alone, it's just that... Sometimes I wish I could sleep with someone that I really want to sleep with, someone that holds me all night. Someone I want to see when I wake up.

Honestly, It's not very often I can bring up enough interest to actually make the two minute walk down to the pub where the bartender works. He is a great guy, but he is not the bartender that I really want.

I'm really happy to live with people that I like so much. And I really hope my moodswings don't make them hate me. The weekend has been really relaxed, filled with Ben & Jerrys and movies. And the bleaching of Viola's hair.

Some pic's are coming up on pixbox today. At long last.