New nightmare

I need to go home. I woke up so many times tonight, and I had more nightmares, and I did a full spin during the night, so now I am lying the wrong way. My head hurts.

I miss J, but I can't help feeling that I should stay away to give him some space. I feel so neurotic and annoying. I wish I could just relax but at the same time I feel a bit hurt when he doesn't call or text unless I do it first. He shouldn't have to, I know he cares about me loads.

I feel so stupid for thinking this way.

Ugh. I hate myself when I'm whiny and neurotic. It's not me. The real me is relaxed and happy and confident. I can feel that real Kristina struggling to shut the whiny, depressed Kristina up. But my evil twin keeps on winning. Keeps on whining.

And I hate myself, and I hate myself for hating myself.