What a weekend

On Friday I think I partied for 11 or 12 straight hours which is unusual for me! At least the last few years. I was at a mingle event and met an old friend, ate amazing sushi at izakaya koi, drank wine and irish coffee and weird grogs at Kalle's place and went to a party where I met a lot of new and exciting people! Some of whom I later had a fantastic night with.

On Saturday I was pretty hung over but it was a good day anyway. Today is my mother's birthday and we went to a viking market with Robin, who bought me a necklace that I fell so madly in love with. It's made of black oak with a bronze bead. I can't really say what I love so much about it but I never want to take it off. I think I'm going to make it my turn around symbol. Years of pressure and hardship has made me stronger and wiser and better. Black oak is mostly reclaimed wood from old sunken ships. (Robin has a peice found in an old well, and one found deep underground while making the city tunnel in Malmö.) I recognized it immediately and the man who sold it said that I was the first who did. I wish I had asked where this particular wood is from.

Anyway; my turn around symbol because I am getting stronger and things are turning around. I feel better and better. When stuff is difficult I think that I'm one of billions of people on a small rock hurtling through space. And as such I have everything I need. So the black oak, from a tree that grew over hundreds of years and then, after that, was probably felled and made into something by someone, and then, after that, waited for hundreds of years more before coming to me, will remind me of a lot of things.

Everthing passes. Everthing has an end. Good and bad.
Life is amazing and filled with surprises and love and beauty.
I, too, am made stronger from my experiences.
My whole existence - from womb to tomb - is nothing compared to this tiny peice of wood, once a living thing. And THAT in turn is nothing compared to the silly little rock it once grew on. This silly beautiful rock hurtling through space.
Stuff is going to get better from now on.

I also bought a small pot of smoked salt and some other small trinkets. And I finally did the vacuuming.

Now I think I'll watch a horror movie before bed.

Slow sunday

30 ones with white borders. 24 ones with blue.

We got a new sofa today! From D's sister and her husband.

I'm crazy tired.

close to the end

I had the most wonderful weekend. Last week was kinda slow but it ended with happiness and cake on Friday night, which was my farewell-beer-night. The best farewell-beer-night ever. I had so much fun and I was so drunk and I ate chicken and everything was wonderful.

On Saturday I was asleep until four in the afternoon, then I staggered home from Maria's place and managed to take a shower and eat some microwave lasagna before I fell asleep again, and then on Sunday me and Maria went into town and hung out, I bought a bag, we bought some food, we went back to her place and bleached my hair and had dinner. My hair looks great now, finally managed to make it look pretty even and nice! Thanks Maria! I love it!

Today I'm packing some and tomorrow I'm hanging out with Maria for the last time. There's a very cold little stone in all the shiny happiness, the "leaving your bestest friends"-stone. I'll miss Cork, and everyone, but probably Maria the most.

Listening to: T J Rehmi - Who Killed Bhangra

wishes

So people have started asking what I want for my birthday. There's a list in the sidebar there but I'll tell you right here anyways.

• Electric Picnic tickets
  
• debts payed
• sewing machine
• a tattoo
• a nice backgammon board
• a digital system camera
• Adobe Photoshop
  

...or if you don't feel like spending shitloads of money, get me stuff from Lush (like the shampoo Big) or a voucher at Urban Decay or crafty stuff like yarn in beautiful colours or paintbrushes or Sims 3 or a decent gamer mouse or vouchers at Vibes & Scribes or cinema tickets or a nice dinner. (Although I guess a nice backgammon board doesn't have to cost a shitload of money.)

So there's not a lot of news or I would post more often. Joe is still a good guy and he still makes me smile and I like being with him. My last trip to Sweden was, as mentioned, horrible, stressful and sad but I also met some wonderful people who made up for stress and angst. Sandra (Sandy Twotimes), Ida, my baby sister Kajsa and her wonderful mother Ulrika, beautiful Hannah, Kristoffer, and others. You guys are all so rockn'roll and I don't know what I would do without you. (I would deffo fail at moving anyways.)

Yesterday me and Joe went to see Coraline (after like a hundred years I finally got to see it! In an empty theatre no less!) and I LOVED it and he liked it more than he thought he would so that's all win. I want to make little me-dolls now. Then we celebrated the 4th of july with a BBQ in his backyard, with his housemate Danny the American. Good times. Went out after and even though I was drinking from like five in the afternoon untill one at night I never got drunk, just a bit of a headache. Had lot's of fun though, lot's more fun than I usually have when I go out, mainly just because I was in a really good mood. So I would say a very good weekend.

And listen all of you who I invited to come over: I MEAN IT! It looks like it will be a while untill I visit Sweden again, sadly. So here's some advice: if you're flying from the south of Sweden, fly from Copenhagen. Check flights at Skyscanner.net.

So now I think I'll tidy up a bit in my room and then I might drag my ass to the gym.

Listening to: Spotify. Specifically today: Mozart and Jolie Holland.


---EDIT---
My mother mentioned that I did not mention Robin in my list of people that I met up with while I was home. She is right of course, he was both fun to meet and a big help - as always. And he let me play with the forge! Robin is awesome and I hope, Robin, that if you read this you did not feel forgotten.

Sorry about that.

scary stuff

Olof had a motorcykle accident on saturday and broke a vertebra, or a spinal disk. He's in the hospital now. It's a bit scary and I don't want to think about it.

Personally I had a wonderful weekend with my wonderful boyfriend who constantly makes me very happy. We saw Terminator Salvation and I really liked it and we went for a walk in the sunshine and we hung out and we had tea and we did stuff and it was good.

Now it's pretty late and I should bake a cake and take a shower but I'm tired and slow. At least I had dinner. Spagetti bolognese which wasn't as good as I usually make it for some reason.

And oh yeah, Maria comes back on tuesday, not sunday, that was just wishful thinking.

Listening to: Lot's of stuff, at the moment Stardust by Vince Giordano's Nighthawks but also a lot of Loudon Wainwright III and his daughter Martha Wainwright even though I can't get over the fact that some of Loudon's songs are probably about her, and it makes it a bit strange. I don't listen to Rufus Wainwright though, don't like him, or their mother, who is also a singer, named Kate McGarrigle. Most of all I listen to the record Rouge's Gallery.

good times

Theres this game. You're supposed to bluff. The whole game is about putting a card on the table, face down, and say that is is a certain card, and if the opponent does not believe you he or she can look at the card. And if you where bluffing you have to drink. And if it's true the opponent drinks.

Now Tall&Handsome grew up playing poker. I did'nt. He masters the art of the pokerface. I master the art of getting shitfaced. 

Playing this game against someone who has the pokerface of kings might be a bad idea. We finished one and a half bottle of disgusting liqourish vodka.

My head hurts.

Listening to: Buena Vista Social Club - Chan Chan

back to life

So I've been twittering a lot, instead of blogging, since I haven't had much to say that needed the use of more than 140 characters. I like Twitter. It's fun, and it's a brilliant idea. 

In other news I really want a pair of Ray-Bans. (Yes the video is thuroughly disturbing but as eighties songs go the song is alright. Well, if you ignore the lyrics that don't really make sence,unless Corey Hart is insane. Still, he has very cool sunglasses. And pretty cool red shoes too. And the girl that for some reason sits in a corridor stamping paper like her life depended on it has very cool sunglasses as well, and a cute hairstyle!)

Me and a random spanish dude switched glasses late at night outside a pub.

Last night I went down to Shelbourne for a while after first going home and having chinese and painting. Today I'm going to go down to the city to buy some coloured paper and a pyjama top. And tonigt I'm probably gonna go for a beer or so with Eva and then head over to Ida's for some hanging out wit her, Liz and Karolin. 

Best thing right now is that I'm painting a lot and it makes me happy. I forget about everything in the whole world and time flyes by and its great. Just wish canvas was cheaper.

Listening to: Sixteen Horsepower - La Robe A Parasol (it's in french!)

my sister

My littlest sister Kajsa just learned to walk. I hate it that I'm missing so much of her early life, I really would have wanted to see her growing up... Ylva too, Emilias daughter. 

I miss all my brothers and sisters. A lot.

It's sunday night, I'm having a shower and then going to bed. 

Listening to: Morning of Carnaval - Louis Bonfa (Flamenco music)

me, me, me

Well, to me, I am quite interesting. And if you read this, you must think I'm interestin in some way, at least a little, so here comes more ranting about my hair; (by the way, thank you Ida for listening to me talking about myself - more accurately my hair - for two or three hours, and thanks for all the honest input!)

Step one and two is done now. I cut it just a little bit, barely enough for it to be visible, but enough to make it less torn, bigger and curlier. And I changed the colour slightly. From a deeper, darkish red to a more... carroty orange. Quite bright. I love it so far. 

Yesterday, after work, me and Olof made wok and watched Resident Evil. Today me and Ida hung out and had sirloin steak, and watched Disney's Brother Bear.

But most of all I'm googling hairstyles.

Listening to: Avishai Cohen - Smash (from the album Contiuo)

not sleepy enough

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of next week, and I will be starting work an hour earlier, which is pretty good since I get off work an hour early as well... Just hope I can sleep, and wake up in time.

Tonight I was dreaming a lot, just as stressful as usual. The only thing I remember is buildings, and that I could fly. 

The weekend has been short but nice, A few beers at Shel on friday, Maria's birthday on saturday, with a nice lunch at Luigi Malones and a nice dinner at Casanovas (filled the quota of eating out for this month in one day). Today me and Ida had chinese and watched Disney movies, Alice in Wonderland being the strangest movie ever, probably... No real storyline, totally psychedelic, strange, nightmarish and quite scary. Very strange. If I ever would get the idea to do acid, I would watch that movie. Or... I wouldn't have to do acid if I watched it. Seriously. Extremely well made, though, great artwork, superb animation. Lot's of beautiful detalis. But yeah. Psychedelic.

Now it's past my bedtime, as usual. I wonder why I always get the urge to start writing when I should go to bed?

Listening to: Cocteau Twins - Five Ten Fiftyfold

rum and ginger ale

Instead of shopping. Got absolutely nothing done yesterday, exept from the dishes, and I had quite a lot of rum in the evening at Björn and Viola's place, with Emil, Egon, Hannah and Eoghan. (Eoghan is not from Rohan, as you might think. He's a local boy and his name is pronounced Owen.)

It was a very nice night. Actually the day wasn't so bad either, in retrospect. Relaxing. Now I'm having some breakfast and then I'm cleaning up a bit and then I'm going over to Viola's again to have some christmas coziness with her and Hannah. Risgrynsgröt which is the Swedish equivalence of rice pudding and stuff like that. 

Listening to: Ananda Shankar - A Life in Music (SR Världen, Swedish webbradio with world music and such.)

spaz

So yeah I appreciate a compliment as much as the next guy but after ten or twenty times "your tits are so great" gets a bit boring. Or actually annoying.

But apart from that sunday night was great. Me and Ida went for a beer before we went to the movies but we never made it to the movies. Sunday day was equally good with Heroes and knitting all day.

Saturday was gingerbread mayhem! All day! And now Maria is gone and I miss her but I started my training today and it's interesting to sit over there, several metres away, and listen to Hannah's calls.

Also; if you live in Cork, or visit Cork, ever - go to The Berries and have their Hotpot. Best chilli ever. Really.

Listening to: N*E*R*D - Time for some action

overload

There has really been to much going on in my head this week. It's impossible to write when I'm thinking this much. It's been a lot of drama and mixed emotions and shit, honestly. On so many levels.

I feel that I can safely share that this weekend is christmas cleaning weekend. And that I had a sight test today. And that I payed a debt.

When I catch up with reality I'll write about all the stuff that's going on, which is mostly work stuff.

And also... just so much. Nowhere to start.

Exausted I sleep instead

wreck

Today has actually been a truly shitty day, apart from buying some yarn. And that was a five to ten minute experience. The last... four days have been shitty. No, five. I have been feeling physically and emotionally drained the whole week and I still do.

Everything feels wrong and awkward and off.

At least mom seems ok. I really hope she is.

All the time it seems like life is trying to show me that there is no way of knowing anything at all, ever. It is the only firm belief I have. That I know nothing. I know no one. Especially not myself.

"Know thyself" a famous doorway once said. But how?

The neighbours are fighting. The nice ones. In the street. It's friday night and it's late and I'm at home, sober. It's happened before. It must have happened before.

I feel empty.

make it real

The weekend is almost over. Soon enough I'm going to bed. At the moment I can't stop listening to Regina Spektor even though I want to listen to a book... Knitting the most complicated thing I've ever knitted, which is fun, but I'm not going to say very much about it since it's going to be a christmaspresent.

At home I hang out a lot in the living room, Olof and Maria are hanging out more upstairs. I enjoy being alone as much as I enjoy company. Basically I'm happy all the time. I bought modelling paste and I'm gonna make lots of fun stuff to put in our tree (which is probably going to be plastic from Argos) and probably a lot of other stuff as well.

Friday was nice, was in town with Maria after work, had the mightiest salad ever, some red wine, talked with someone a lot over msn, then I went out with Sandra, the new Swedish girl at work, for some more wine. It was great, she's really cool. Saturday was also nice, me and Maria went to town, Maria found a great coat, I found great yarn, we had coffee with Sandra at tribes. Then I chilled out by myself, knitted, watched Lost Boys: The Tribe and I'm sorry but it really wasn't any good at all. Sorry Susan. Sorry PJ Pesce. Sorry. Also saw the first episode of Sarah Connor Chronicles which was ok I guess, was not very focused, but it had Summer Glau in it so YAY! Summer Glau I love you!

Eventually New Swedish Björn convinced me to go to Egon's party and we walked through the pouring rain for like an hour and I had high heels, good planning there. Egon lives in Blackpool which is really far away but he had a nice house with a nice party in it and rum smoothies and I had fun. And Egon gave me a pair of converse! So now I have five pairs. Five pairs of converse and four pairs of hight heels. Great stuff. I live in Ireland! Ireland! Rain! So I'm gonna buy a pair of boots and probably use them a whole lot.

I hope I'll get my bag tomorrow! Hope hope hope!

I want to know how to trust someone. I want to. It feels like a good thing. This someone feels like someone good. But I think my basic capability to trust is screwed. I feel betrayed. I don't think I am but I still feel like it. Maybe I want to let go, maybe I don't. I wish I knew. I wish emotions were simple and rational.

woooosh!

So much stuff going on!!! The party was wonderful and the police came and it was great and now it's raining and we're going to Killorglyn for the goat festival and oh god.

I'll write more later.

in the midnight hour

Everybody has gone to sleep. Exept me and Maia. We're watching Arizona Dream which always puts me in a weird mood. It's a movie that really means a lot to me. Even though I don't think about it when I'm not watching it.

Makes me think about dreams and wishes and the way you see your own life.

Also Johnny Depp was extremely good looking when he was young.

We did some shopping today. It was a nice day. Breakfast at Puccino's.

Everything makes me think of the same thing. All the time. It never stops, it never even slows down.

Got my mind set. Got my heart set.

So very much more I want to say...

rather be dreaming

After a good twelve hour sleep you really realize that you might have a problem dealing with reality.



Woke up tonight, in the middle of the night, feeling... not so bad.

---

A bit more that twelve hours and a few glasses of wine later, I decide to finish this post.

So yeah, twelve hours of sleep. When I woke up I went downstairs and called Johan, who told me he was on his way to my house. This cheered me up quite a lot. We had a good day. We bought tickets for Tinariwen, and chips, and we went back home and watched Alien and half of Aliens with Olof. A good day.

After that I got extremely restless and went out for a drink. And a thirtyfive year old woman from Wales was hitting on me all night. Wierd. Really wierd.

So tomorrow is sunday... Might watch Flying Cirkus? It would be fun... But primarily, it's almost three o'clock and I'm going to bed.

Come on, climb in through my window at night. Don't hesitate. Wake me up, surprise me. Come on up and make me smile...

sugar rush

So yeah, my week of happiness did not end in a crash, like I had prepared for, but more in a general... sinking feeling. Complete with the feeling of I can't breathe oh god and that kind of thing.

A question arises: If I know what I want, and there is a chance for me to have it, would I be able to live with myself if I did'nt take that chance? I don't think so. Not that I know if there will ever be a chance. But yeah, I would give a lot for that chance.

I guess the weekend was pretty good. The corporate bbq party would have been fun if I was'nt in such a bad mood. I don't know if I managed to act happy. Don't think so. I really tried though. But strangers asked me if I was ok, so I guess I failed.

On saturday we had fun, drinking games and so at home, but then we went out to a party where I felt that I really don't belong in Ireland at all and probably never will. On sunday we had American breakfast and that was great, so many of my friends in the same place. Made me feel... a bit less empty. Sat around in the sofa all day, listening to music, eating candy and icecream and fruit, watching movies (Stardust and Bourne Supremacy), being lazy, which is something I love.

peachy

Life is so good right now. A week ago I was in the worst mood in years so angry I could hit someone, and the next morning when I woke up I felt... better. And since then it's been better, and better, and better, and now it's kinda awesome. In the "high on life" way almost. Tonight is the Siemens Summer Bbq, wich will hopefully be great. And yeah, new skirt.