Silly analysis

Reading about astrology (greek for "thinking about stars" - beautiful no?) and watching Elementary at the same time resulted in me analyzing traits a little. I have decided that Sherlock Holmes (at least the version of the character portrayed in Elementary) is a Virgo, born late in august. I have no idea if the character has an actual "birthday" (in the show or books) but he has a lot of Virgo traits. Joan Watson could be a Cancer. Possibly born in the first half of july.

Now it's really late and I can feel the night hunger starting to sneak up on me. And night eating leads to an even crappier sleep schedule so to bed I go!

I did do the cleaning today! And I paid a bill. Tomorrow I'll pay the other one. And meet my mother. And maybe start a new knitting, I have been experimenting with a design that I can't really get to work but I have some new ideas.

rebirth

So to try to do something about my depression I decided to start by changing some habits. I'll tell you about them.

Today:

• No coffee, one cup of black tea
• No candy or sugar (except for small amounts of added sugar in my food since I don't want to throw out stuff I bought just a couple of days ago...)
• lots and lots of water
• workout

The plan for the close future is a cleanse, which will start in a couple of days and which will be HORRIBLE. In no way am I going to try to kid myself that it will be easy or in any way fun. It's gonna suck. It consists of mostly broth and nutritious drinks but also allows some vegetables. Gonna try to stop smoking and I think that will be fine, it's the coffee that's difficult. Coffee is the main reason why I'm not doing the cleanse thing right away. I'm gonna try to be a bit kind to my body and do stuff gradually. So a day or two of tea before caffeine is totally out. 

Now I'm gonna start by cleaning my room. A clutter-free environment might help give me a clutter-free mind.

-----edit--------

Okay, I think Emelie might have shared her cold with me after all, or it's caffeine withdrawal, but I think no workout. I feel dizzy.

two. TWO!!

Sweet baby buddha made of candy. The nerves are NOT calming down. Not even a little.

I have been feeling extremely ugly the last few days, don't know what that is about, normally I think I look pretty nice.

My creativity has some kind of cramp and I have a bit of nausea even. Jeez.

Still I don't feel worried. What's the deal? Why am I so nervous?

Every time we talk my nerves calm right down and I'm just happy to see him. So hopefully that will happen when he gets here.

Until then I need to pack a weekend bag, do some laundry, maybe epilate my legs again (there's a reason for doing it twice! I promise!), finish a shitload of work, bleach my sidecut, move my skis to somewhere where they're not in the way... aaaand I guess that's it? Not sit and hyperventilate constantly?

And oh yeah. I might have bought a new phone last night. I blame the nerves!

Listening to: My Spotify starred list which has a lot of Buraka Som Sistema on it.
Working on: Making paper and clay models of a ring that I'm going to make. And sketches of it. A wedding gift. A large shawl. Metal fake nails.

6

Reading online comics about trying to figure out stuff like sexual orientation and labels and self image and stuff like that, realizing I'm very very lucky to have a mother who never ever tried to pressure me into any sort of label or system or anything else. I don't have a definition of my sexuality and I don't want one. I feel uncomfortable trying to fit into any label, even "harmless" ones like bisexual.

I don't want any labels at all. I'm perfectly fine just being me.

If you feel like you absolutely have to, go with something like this:

• woman
• creative
• chaotic
• loving
• anarchist
• feminist
• beautiful
• young

Thanks mom, for giving me a solid trust in who I am. I can have problems with my looks, I can feel bad about my weight or my difficulty to handle economy, but I never felt any need to label myself for anyone else. I know that that stuff is 100% my own business.

SO yesterday I was gonna spend all day in the workshop but I ended up cleaning a lot and then going to systemet and having dinner with a friend.

I fell asleep around ten, fully dressed with my contacts in. 

But today is a brand new day and I moved my laptop to my desk again! First time in a couple of months actually. Since I started leaving my cam on over night. 

Six days. Exactly. Right now, in six days, I'll be kissing my boyfriend for the first time. It's the strangest thing. 

Now I'm going to make another cup of coffee, then go up to the design classroom for a short visit and then to the workshop where I will hopefully be staying all day. Might bring sandwiches? Hmm.

Six days.

7

11:30-ish

I dreamed that the hotel booking was screwed up. And that he was totally weird in real life. And that I was too. And the hotel and everything was just really horrible.

I want to keep cleaning but I should be in the workshop. Ugh.

---
13:37

So after cleaning for a while I had breakfast (eggs and bacon! Yum!) and the sun was shining. I felt the pep return.

I watched half an episode of true blood with Sanna and when I went out to have a smoke the sun was gone, the wind was wild and it started raining. Yeah. Thanks.

Now I'm back in my room again.

8

Been cleaning my room for like two days, so that it now resembles a merely regularly messy room instead of the half packed chaos it was last week.

Okay, maybe a bit messier than a regular messy room. (All my make up is in order though!)

I've been polishing an old unfinished piece of jewelry.

I've finished watching "The Legend Of Korra".

I've epilated my legs. Oh yes. Really. I had given up completely on keeping my leg hair short but this guy for some reason makes me silly!

I really haven't gotten enough done in the workshop though, and that really bothers me. Maybe tonight.

Now I'm off to eat pancakes!

Dishes done!

So for about two or three weeks time has moved too quickly and no one has had time to tidy up and crap. We've all done loads of dishes but we never quite got through the mountain that took up half the kitchen.

Until today. I had severe stomach pains, a sore throat, a headache, bad sleep due to extreme RLS and a bad case of angst to top it of. So I stayed at home today, and did pretty much nothing but dishes.

J helped out with cleaning the kitchen as well. And we took some pics of him for his CV. Now I'm gonna vacuum as well, and then the kitchen will be cleaner than it has been in ages! It feels so great. The mess has been killing us all.

a plea (and other stuff)

Oh I have been so active today! I was going to go to the gym but as I was trying to convince myself that I really should do the dishes I realized that however good it is to go to the gym, when you would rather do dishes... well, it's not that important. I don't want to take the joy out of it.

So I went home and did all the dishes, sorted the washing, cleaned up my room lots, finished a painting, started a new one that I've been thinking about for ages and listened to Neil Gaiman reading The Graveyard Book for a couple of hours and I love it. And I ate Peking Duck.

If, or when, I leave Ireland I will miss Eva House. I'll have to come back now and then to eat Peking Duck here.

So yeah that brings me to the other point: I am looking for jobs in Sweden and I'm hoping (um, obviously) to move home. At some point. If I can find a job and place to stay. In Ireland you can find a place to rent in an afternoon and move in the next day. I'll miss that too.

And I'll miss how the hairs on Joe's arms are almost invisible untill the sun shines on them and they light up like fiery copper. It's very pretty.

Anyway if any of you Swedish people who say that youre going to visit me actually do, that would be great, because you could do me a huge favour: (and this is the plea) come over and bring stuff back. I have so much stuff. I won't bring it all home but there's so much that I really don't want to leave. I've had a life here for soon two years. That means a lot of stuff. (Of course the same things work for people in Ireland, if you want to come and visit me in Sweden, but you guys are like... three. So yeah, not getting my hopes up there.)

I'll have to leave my very comfortable desk chair, Moses, that I bought in Belfast. I'll miss that. (I once had a cat named Moses, he was huge and black and he would look at you like you where insanely inferior to him. And a little annoying.)

Listening to: My Playlist on Spotify - Everything from The Aposte of Hustle to Howlin' Wolf, aw yeah.

wishes

So people have started asking what I want for my birthday. There's a list in the sidebar there but I'll tell you right here anyways.

• Electric Picnic tickets
  
• debts payed
• sewing machine
• a tattoo
• a nice backgammon board
• a digital system camera
• Adobe Photoshop
  

...or if you don't feel like spending shitloads of money, get me stuff from Lush (like the shampoo Big) or a voucher at Urban Decay or crafty stuff like yarn in beautiful colours or paintbrushes or Sims 3 or a decent gamer mouse or vouchers at Vibes & Scribes or cinema tickets or a nice dinner. (Although I guess a nice backgammon board doesn't have to cost a shitload of money.)

So there's not a lot of news or I would post more often. Joe is still a good guy and he still makes me smile and I like being with him. My last trip to Sweden was, as mentioned, horrible, stressful and sad but I also met some wonderful people who made up for stress and angst. Sandra (Sandy Twotimes), Ida, my baby sister Kajsa and her wonderful mother Ulrika, beautiful Hannah, Kristoffer, and others. You guys are all so rockn'roll and I don't know what I would do without you. (I would deffo fail at moving anyways.)

Yesterday me and Joe went to see Coraline (after like a hundred years I finally got to see it! In an empty theatre no less!) and I LOVED it and he liked it more than he thought he would so that's all win. I want to make little me-dolls now. Then we celebrated the 4th of july with a BBQ in his backyard, with his housemate Danny the American. Good times. Went out after and even though I was drinking from like five in the afternoon untill one at night I never got drunk, just a bit of a headache. Had lot's of fun though, lot's more fun than I usually have when I go out, mainly just because I was in a really good mood. So I would say a very good weekend.

And listen all of you who I invited to come over: I MEAN IT! It looks like it will be a while untill I visit Sweden again, sadly. So here's some advice: if you're flying from the south of Sweden, fly from Copenhagen. Check flights at Skyscanner.net.

So now I think I'll tidy up a bit in my room and then I might drag my ass to the gym.

Listening to: Spotify. Specifically today: Mozart and Jolie Holland.


---EDIT---
My mother mentioned that I did not mention Robin in my list of people that I met up with while I was home. She is right of course, he was both fun to meet and a big help - as always. And he let me play with the forge! Robin is awesome and I hope, Robin, that if you read this you did not feel forgotten.

Sorry about that.

rum and ginger ale

Instead of shopping. Got absolutely nothing done yesterday, exept from the dishes, and I had quite a lot of rum in the evening at Björn and Viola's place, with Emil, Egon, Hannah and Eoghan. (Eoghan is not from Rohan, as you might think. He's a local boy and his name is pronounced Owen.)

It was a very nice night. Actually the day wasn't so bad either, in retrospect. Relaxing. Now I'm having some breakfast and then I'm cleaning up a bit and then I'm going over to Viola's again to have some christmas coziness with her and Hannah. Risgrynsgröt which is the Swedish equivalence of rice pudding and stuff like that. 

Listening to: Ananda Shankar - A Life in Music (SR Världen, Swedish webbradio with world music and such.)

overload

There has really been to much going on in my head this week. It's impossible to write when I'm thinking this much. It's been a lot of drama and mixed emotions and shit, honestly. On so many levels.

I feel that I can safely share that this weekend is christmas cleaning weekend. And that I had a sight test today. And that I payed a debt.

When I catch up with reality I'll write about all the stuff that's going on, which is mostly work stuff.

And also... just so much. Nowhere to start.

Exausted I sleep instead

settled

I'm moving over to the IT helpdesk. On the first of december. Or, well, training starts then.

And today Ida came home from her two month vacation in the big world, and Hannah too.

And tonight there's a party at Fransiscan Wells for a lot of people who quit at the same time.

And tomorrow there's a party at some french guy's house and there's some going out going on but me and Maria are chillin' since we're doing our christmas cleaning this weekend.

And I'm still so tired I could sleep and work there is some drama and it makes me sad and more tired and other things make me tired as well... And work is slow and I am slow and sometimes I really want to have someone, but there's really no one here that I want.

sitting in bed

...eating Hongkong style sweet and sour chicken with noodles from the Chinese takeaway around the corner. The sun is setting, the air goes blue, everything feels more distant.

My leg hurts like shit. I guess from the running. So no more untill it stops hurting.

Today has been a shitty day. Everyone has been in a grumpy mood at work. I have been so tired I almost felt depressed, and it's not really better now, exept that I'm home, wich is good.

Well, I'm not depressed. I'm happy actually. Beneath the shitty mood. Happy to have friends that I can trust even though the situation is kinda rough on us both. Happy that I have the complete Nirvana discography. Happy that we're going to IKEA in just a couple of weeks.

This morning I realized I'm going back to Sweden on thursday. I kinda thought it was next week. I don't really want to go back again so soon, as might have mentioned, especially since I wont be going south at all. Well, I'm going to stay with Emilia for a night or two and I really look forward to late nights of talking and maybe playing some cards.

Now for some more food before I clean the kitchen and the upstairs bathroom. And play some wow.

late again

Yeah, today I was sitting in my bed at ten, eating ice cream and playing wow, and I shut the game down and put the ice cream in the freezer and brushed my teeth, and thought "Oh! I will transfer pictures from my camera to Mr. Pink! That should only take a couple of minutes!" I was right about that. Then I remembered that I wanted to transfer some music to my mobile. Okay, I realized that would take a few minutes more. But I thought that it would be okay. And now here I am, blogging while files are being transfered, and it's half past eleven. Why you ask? Because my laptop could not live having my telephone connected to it. It totally freaked out and started... behaving. Now, about three reboots later, everything is fine. At least I feel tired. And waiting for the laptop to reboot had a few moments of pure wait, so more tidying! Hooray! The floor is now clearly visible!

I am really not as messy as you would think if you saw my floor a week ago, but the latest few months have been chaotic at best. Yes, months. Seriously months of chaos. It's shaping up now. I spend all my time at home, looking to myself and all my belongings, sorting them like the Swede I am. Organizing my things and my thoughts, yes. deciding what is important to me and what's not.

Well, I still have some time before all those files are finished transfering so I'll treat you to some pic's. Caroline, my boss, took her extremely cute baby daughter to work, and the little wonder just sat there and smiled, and was particularly interested in my hat, so I let her try it on. Here it is, my first hat!





And here it is on me, in Cork, wich is particularly beautiful in the sunset.

good intentions

Although I had intended to be a good girl and go to bed at ten last night, I of course started cleaning my room and blogging and being just generally awake. So I think I went to bed around twelve. And of course I did not wake up when my alarm started ringing, at 05.40, and I still fell a bit icky and flu-ish, so I decided to take it a bit easy and not go running. Also I realized that the sun goes up when I go to work so all running would be running in darkness. A bit scary but I think I would be alright. I might not live in the safest area but just before dawn I think the bad guys are asleep. And most of the bad guys I've met are not guys so much as fourteen year old girls who had a little bit too much to drink. So I'll be fine.

And well yeah, of course I spent maybe half an hour or so this morning on cleaning my room...

I'm very much looking forward to christmas. My mom is coming here and I'm goint to force her to make me liver stew. And I'm going to make her chocolate pie. And It will be so nice.

It's really never happened before but all of a sudden I want snow for christmas. Me and Nils and Astrid (my brother and sister) are thinking of going skiing in the alps some time this winter. I'm not sure I'll be able to, bu oh how I want it!

In other news the "fish of the week" has come to an end. It started 21 weeks ago as a weekly email that I sent out within the team, and it still is. Only that the team has changed. Well, anyhow, from next week on a new era will start, and I plan to start posting stuff here as well.

The first and the last is the same.

future proof

Today has been a good day. The kind of day that makes me feel that I can make my life. The kind that makes me feel that I'm in the right place. A place I can stay.

I woke up, played some World Of Warcraft (Warlocks! Hooray!) and then I made insanely good chocolate pie from a recipe I found at Homesick Texan's blog, which is a lovely blog filled with little food stories and recipes. I really like it.

We had our weekly cleaning of the house: Olof vacuumed, I cleaned the downstairs bathroom (and moved my stuff down there from the upstairs one wich is great, more room for everyone) and wiped the floor of the first floor and Maria took care of the bathroom upstairs. Even my room got it's fair share of tidying (even though there's a long way to go still). Then I (and new Swedish Björn who showed up in the middle of our cleaning process) went over to Viola's place with pie and yarnthings and we had junta! Syjunta even. And kafferep. (Translation: old ladies sitting around knitting, sawing, drinking coffee and gossiping.) With Sandra. I knitted, Sandra embroidered a skirt and Viola had her needlepoint embroideries. (Björn mended his jeans.) We talked about lots of interesting things, had lovely pie and coffee and it was really nice and cozy.

Later me, Viola and Björn had chinese takeaway. I really like living on Barrack Street. Everything you could ever want within three minutes walk. (As long as what you want is beer, books, halal meat, chinese or indian takeaway or to rent a bike.)

Tomorrow morning I might start running. If I feel healthy enough. I'm a bit scared of working out when I still have traces of this flu thing in me after a story when I was in eighth or ninth grade of some girl who appearently died from running when she had a cold. Or maybe I'm just making up excuses 'cause I've been a slacker for so many years.

At some point I'm going to post pictures of stuff I've knitted (exept for things I knit as christmas presents). Be patient. Soon.

I can live here. This is my home. And I will stay here.

Oops

Again, a week flew by without blogging at all. I think you will survive, dear readers. So the week was quick. I was extremely tired after sitting up almost every night, talking on msn to this guy that I really like. So most days I was very tired. The weekend came, friday was fun, Shelbourne, Tom Barry's and Crane Lane. Met interesting people, had a good time. Ate tacofries. Fell asleep late, woke up after thirteen hours. Five in the evening. I cleaned the house a little and then we went to Ida and Hannah's place for cocktails... Many cocktails. And shots. We went out a bit to late, but found an afterparty. Not so much to say about it. Some of the girls might have done some silly things, but most of all we had a lot of fun. At least I did.

Today I have been extremely lazy. Woke up at eleven, have really not done anyting at all. I should continue cleaning. Really. But I'm so tired. I should make some dinner as well.

And oh yeah. He's coming here. It makes me happy. He makes me happy. I just really hope I can get a couple of days of when he comes.

So yeah, tacofries, tequila, high heels, party. Fancy hairdo. Lots of boys showed me a lot of interest. One emo-looking guy who always hang around trying to work up the confidence to talk to me actually managed to tell me he found me very attractive. Better then last time, when he told me he had seen me before, wich I find isn't a very good pickup line. It's a bit of a boost, to have those weekends where you just seem to look fantastic. You get drunk without making a fool of yourself. You receive compliments.

I think it's the shoes. Sara's high heels. My god. Best looking shoes ever.

My mind was elsewhere. No one caught my interest at all.

I'm importing people. Viola is going to start working at my job in may. It's awesome. Johan is going to be interviewed sometime this week.