Baking with depression

Day 1: Think about baking. You want to bake something. It would be nice.
Day 2: Try to figure out what to bake. Look at pinterest for a few hours.
Day 3: Decide on a cheesecake. Not TOO complex, but still good!
Day 4: Find the right recipe.
Day 5: Get someone to buy you some of the ingredients.
Day 6: Anxiety.
Day 7: Watch cartoons.
Day 8: Sit down and look through the recipe. Realize that you still need some ingredients.
Day 9: Try to go to the shop! Fail. Get drunk instead. (Not as drunk as you want to be. You started too late.)
Day 10: Be hungover? Not as much as you could have been if you were as drunk as you wished that you were! So... small win. Get someone else to come to the shop with you. Buy the last couple of things. Combine ingredients according to recipe  (more or less). Follow instructions (more or less). Maybe success? (We'll see! Haven't made it all the way there yet.)

Pod, metaphors, Christmas, motherly love

Some news my beloved readers!

- I have, with my dear, dear friend Alexandra, started a podcast that you should listen to!

- On Saturday I'm metaphor wrestling for the fourth time (I think)! It's great fun! Come and watch it if you are in Skåne! Inkonst, eight o'clock, free entrance! I won't be catpuppy this time. I will channel the Amazing Grace! She is from America and she likes God and Freedom and Guns.

- I have baked ginger snaps, or "pepper cookies" (literal translation from swedish). This is one of my two Christmas traditions. The other is making and sending cards. Woop!

- My mother came by yesterday with a gift calendar! The advent calendar is a big deal in sweden. There are lots of different ones. There's even an official one from the free tv and radio thing. It's a socialist thing. Yay sweden! Anyway the gift calendars are a fun way to spend more money on small objects for your beloved ones. I am so happy for mine! Even though I won't be giving away anything for Christmas myself.

I think that's all the news. I've been feeling down the last few days and decided to quit alcohol for a few weeks. I painted a painting that turned out pretty horrible. I bought a new eye shadow. I watched all of the new season of Downton. I ate some chocolate. I decided to make a doll thing that I still haven't started making.

Hugs and kisses from your favorite bloggie <3

In three minutes the last work hour of this week begins. One hour and three minutes untill freedom and maybe some wine. And dinner I guess. Good stuff! I had the sugar buzz of a lifetime all morning and didn't come down untill after lunch when reality caught up with me... Something happens on monday that I'm really not looking forward to.

But in the meantime I'm yarnsurfing! (Yes I really should be working I know but my brain... it just wants to think about knittitng...) Right now I'm knitting a hat for someone special but I really want to make something like the big red... scarf? Blanket? That I found on the start page of BodhiYarn. (Have a look at the recycled silks!)

I also have lot's of other ideas spinning around in my head, and a lot of requests as well. Mom, friends, friends of friends ask me to knit things for them. But that someone special I mentioned is on the top of my list, and I think I'm on second myself. I have enough yarn and projects to last untill christmas and then I hope I have a sewing machine!

Oh knitting... It's the best. If only World of Warcraft was more boring!

Also the best: Cupcakes. So easypeasy and so much fun! It's like... I could make them every day just for the fun of it! Icing and sprinkles and yummy fillings and so much niceness. I made a batch last night for cake friday (I finally felt ready to start this fabulous tradition here at my new job) wich was very appreciated! I think I might even upload a few pics and recipe if you are all nice and well behaved. Mmmmm... Strawberries and dark chocolate...

Well well, back to work.

hey now

Well this just won't do now will it? No it won't. I have been writing about lot's of different things in this blog but now I'm not writing anything at all. This is because I don't do much mostly. And what I do isn't very interesting.

But I miss blogging and I have so much interesting thoughts in my head now!

So I'll start sharing some inspirations and ideas instead of stories from my life. I have lots of ideas but not so much life. Haha. (Okay to be honest I'm playing a lot of world of warcraft. I'm level 27!)

I have done something though, on sunday! I went to dinner at my grandparents and it was so great! My uncle and aunt and cousins where there and we had really good chicken casserole and it was lovely meeting them all! I was very happy!

I'm happy otherwise too.

Soon I'll start sharing all my crafty projects, baking, knitting and so on. And pictures. And ideas and dreams and plans and inspirations. Now I guess I have to get back to work.

Oh first, my old friend Tom is in town!! It's gonna be great to see him! Oh and last night I cut my hair again. Now it's just like it was this spring. I'll try to get a picture.

spaz

So yeah I appreciate a compliment as much as the next guy but after ten or twenty times "your tits are so great" gets a bit boring. Or actually annoying.

But apart from that sunday night was great. Me and Ida went for a beer before we went to the movies but we never made it to the movies. Sunday day was equally good with Heroes and knitting all day.

Saturday was gingerbread mayhem! All day! And now Maria is gone and I miss her but I started my training today and it's interesting to sit over there, several metres away, and listen to Hannah's calls.

Also; if you live in Cork, or visit Cork, ever - go to The Berries and have their Hotpot. Best chilli ever. Really.

Listening to: N*E*R*D - Time for some action

ouch

I have been eating way to much gingerbread today, and even more gingerbread dough. My stomach hurts! I havn't been doing much more than baking today, apart from chillin', watching a couple of episodes of Buffy, and spontaneously cleaning the fridge.

Ida, Hannah, Sandra and Rob came by to hang out, at different times, and tomorrow will possibly be a bit the same. Exept Maria will be gone. She leaves for Sweden early tomorrow morning. And Olof is leaving to! So strange to be alone in the house. Can't imagine what it will be like. Exept that I might eat a lot of fish. And playing video games with Johan. But I'll miss Maria (and maybe Olof to, a little bit). 

Last night was great fun and I have my new glasses now! With great eyesight and a few glasses of wine and quite a lot of rum and the most fun friends anyone could wish for I had a truly good time. And today I didn't have hangover at all! Great stuff like!

Speaking of like, I have started talking with a really broad Cork-dialect. And it's really annoying me. I'm not from here and it's kinda... poser. But I really don't try to! It comes all natural like... 

What's wrong witcha'?! Story like?! (Yes. I sound silly. I didn't talk skånska in Skåne so why all this now?)

Tonight I had the strangest dream. My mother and I were walking down this long road. All around us there's beautiful autumn nature, but the road is muddy and covered in trash. There is someone else there, it might be Maria, I don't know. And I meet - someone, someone who is very special to me and who I miss very much. I'm walking beside him, talking, when we encounter a guard in the road. Behind him is a hill, the road goes over the hill. To our left there is a lake and to the right there is some kind of house. The sun is shining, the air is scandinavian cold. The person by my side is silent and grumpy, smoking a cigarette. My mother asks the guard if we can pass, explains that we really want to continue walking on the road, but he says no. She says "we promise to be nice" and he says that well, alright. But this persone, this special person, he picks something up from the road, a long stick with a peice of broken glass on it, I have no idea what it is, and he throws it in the lake. The guard is really mad and says that we absolutely can't pass. We beg him and tell him that this is the road we always walk, but he says no. Then we hear a sound, and the guard tells us to run and hide. Over the hill comes a very big bull running. He is big as an elephant with long, sharp horns. We turn and run, and try to hide behind the corner of the house, because that is the only shelter around, but the bull sees us and follows us around the corner and it's coming against us, and I wake up. 

Now. It's a bit late and I think I'll maybe watch an episode of Flight of the Conchords or something. 

Sleep well world.

Listening to: Sun Ra and Be Good Tanyas.

stand tall

So I reach my limit and I break down and I'm lost in darkness and I loose all hope and I fight through it and go insane and start laughing at the pain and shake it off and go back to normal.

Normal in ths situation being shutting up about how I feel until I reach my limit and it repeats.

I can't really talk about it. I am surrounded by people who care about me and who I care about but I don't tell them anything and I feel kinda bad shutting them out but I don't have a choice.

But I'm cool. I hold it together. I have a stable ground of happiness to build myself on.

It's strange, to be happy and still hurt so much.

And I'm sorry but it does really hurt. Of course it hurts. I can't think of anything but you.

Today work was kinda slow. I got a really nice email saying that my support was great and stuff. I was a bit insane and funny and it's really easy to be happy in my workplace. It's so nice to have Ida and Hannah back. And me and Maria ate taco fries for dinner, and gingerbread (peppercookie!) dough for dessert while watching Buffy and Angel. I'm almost done knitting a baby hat for Carolines baby again since the first one I did was to small. After that I'm going to finish three christmas presents, and then I'll have to take it easy with the knitting for a while if I want to finish all the christmas cards and stuff...

And I'm dreaming about going to America, or getting lazer eye surgery. But I get my new glasses on friday and they are so gorgeous that I might want to keep my bad eye sight. So I'll probably just keep paying debts untill they're payed.

Tomorrow I'm making gingerbread dough, not the kind I ate today, which is prefab, but the real real kind, that's tricky to make without a machine. But I'll give it my best. And hopefully I'll make it. And maybe have a beer with Ida later. On friday, exept for getting my glasses, we have a team dinner, which will probably be awesome, as they tend to be.

There. Back to normal.

Listening to: Tracy Chapman - Collection

skyfall

It rained today. My new boots proved to be just as reliable as fishnets when it comes to keeping my toes dry.

It rained a lot.

I baked this cake to take to work tomorrow, for cakeday. I added real rum instead of essence though, and orange. I have high hopes.

Listening to: Quincy Jones - Ai No Corrida

good intentions

Although I had intended to be a good girl and go to bed at ten last night, I of course started cleaning my room and blogging and being just generally awake. So I think I went to bed around twelve. And of course I did not wake up when my alarm started ringing, at 05.40, and I still fell a bit icky and flu-ish, so I decided to take it a bit easy and not go running. Also I realized that the sun goes up when I go to work so all running would be running in darkness. A bit scary but I think I would be alright. I might not live in the safest area but just before dawn I think the bad guys are asleep. And most of the bad guys I've met are not guys so much as fourteen year old girls who had a little bit too much to drink. So I'll be fine.

And well yeah, of course I spent maybe half an hour or so this morning on cleaning my room...

I'm very much looking forward to christmas. My mom is coming here and I'm goint to force her to make me liver stew. And I'm going to make her chocolate pie. And It will be so nice.

It's really never happened before but all of a sudden I want snow for christmas. Me and Nils and Astrid (my brother and sister) are thinking of going skiing in the alps some time this winter. I'm not sure I'll be able to, bu oh how I want it!

In other news the "fish of the week" has come to an end. It started 21 weeks ago as a weekly email that I sent out within the team, and it still is. Only that the team has changed. Well, anyhow, from next week on a new era will start, and I plan to start posting stuff here as well.

The first and the last is the same.

future proof

Today has been a good day. The kind of day that makes me feel that I can make my life. The kind that makes me feel that I'm in the right place. A place I can stay.

I woke up, played some World Of Warcraft (Warlocks! Hooray!) and then I made insanely good chocolate pie from a recipe I found at Homesick Texan's blog, which is a lovely blog filled with little food stories and recipes. I really like it.

We had our weekly cleaning of the house: Olof vacuumed, I cleaned the downstairs bathroom (and moved my stuff down there from the upstairs one wich is great, more room for everyone) and wiped the floor of the first floor and Maria took care of the bathroom upstairs. Even my room got it's fair share of tidying (even though there's a long way to go still). Then I (and new Swedish Björn who showed up in the middle of our cleaning process) went over to Viola's place with pie and yarnthings and we had junta! Syjunta even. And kafferep. (Translation: old ladies sitting around knitting, sawing, drinking coffee and gossiping.) With Sandra. I knitted, Sandra embroidered a skirt and Viola had her needlepoint embroideries. (Björn mended his jeans.) We talked about lots of interesting things, had lovely pie and coffee and it was really nice and cozy.

Later me, Viola and Björn had chinese takeaway. I really like living on Barrack Street. Everything you could ever want within three minutes walk. (As long as what you want is beer, books, halal meat, chinese or indian takeaway or to rent a bike.)

Tomorrow morning I might start running. If I feel healthy enough. I'm a bit scared of working out when I still have traces of this flu thing in me after a story when I was in eighth or ninth grade of some girl who appearently died from running when she had a cold. Or maybe I'm just making up excuses 'cause I've been a slacker for so many years.

At some point I'm going to post pictures of stuff I've knitted (exept for things I knit as christmas presents). Be patient. Soon.

I can live here. This is my home. And I will stay here.

It's official

Christmas. It's here. Like a bad hollywood filmtriology, only it's not a triology, it goes on for ever. It's here again, with basically the same plot, setting, soundtrack and characters as every year.

Well, this year it's different. Exept for the soundtrack that is. But anyhow, it started for real yesterday. I ate the first gingerbread dough of the year. We made lussekatts, peppercookies and knäck. (I don't want to translate it better. It feels wrong.) I even had some glögg! It was great. Today we will Lussa at work, as soon as Sara finds some tinsel.