So yeah, my week of happiness did not end in a crash, like I had prepared for, but more in a general... sinking feeling. Complete with the feeling of I can't breathe oh god and that kind of thing.
A question arises: If I know what I want, and there is a chance for me to have it, would I be able to live with myself if I did'nt take that chance? I don't think so. Not that I know if there will ever be a chance. But yeah, I would give a lot for that chance.
I guess the weekend was pretty good. The corporate bbq party would have been fun if I was'nt in such a bad mood. I don't know if I managed to act happy. Don't think so. I really tried though. But strangers asked me if I was ok, so I guess I failed.
On saturday we had fun, drinking games and so at home, but then we went out to a party where I felt that I really don't belong in Ireland at all and probably never will. On sunday we had American breakfast and that was great, so many of my friends in the same place. Made me feel... a bit less empty. Sat around in the sofa all day, listening to music, eating candy and icecream and fruit, watching movies (Stardust and Bourne Supremacy), being lazy, which is something I love.