I.. I don't understand? How can everything change so quickly? Is it the implant? Is it giving me mood swings? Is that it? 'Cause I just want to cry and everything is terrible and I just can't bear it. And everything was awesome just a couple of days ago!
I don't know what to say, or write, I have so much frustration that I want to get out but I don't know how and I can't really talk to anyone, or I do but it changes nothing.
If I have mood swings at least the "up-swings" are good. But now I'm just depressed.
Listening to: Buraka Som Sistema
Friday, 14 August 2009
Wednesday, 12 August 2009
lost faith
I hate it when everything is great and someone turns it around for you. When someone you believe in just keeps on being... unbelievable. When you know that some things are just broken beyond all repair and there's just no reason to keep trying.
Listening to: Kristoffer's rage-playlist.
Listening to: Kristoffer's rage-playlist.
Tuesday, 11 August 2009
adventure!
Today is tuesday amazingly, feels like... wednesday maybe. Yesterday I was so tired after work I had to have a nap and I didn't make any dinner, had chinese with Joe instead, and watched The Wire at his place, and had a white russian.
Today I went to the gym after work, worked out pretty hard wich felt great and got so much energy! Then I went home and made the best stew ever by simply pouring about a decilitre of Sherry in it. It was awesome. Awesome. I think I might post the recipe at some point.
And when I had finished dinner it was like eight and I had time to clean the upstairs bathroom! Great! And in ten minutes Joe is picking me up and we're going to see Mesrine: Killer Instinct. Seeing the trailer yesterday made me almost frantic ("Oh my god oh my god Vincent Cassel and a lot of guns look at all the guns oh my god I have to see it let's go see it Joe let's see it!") and I've been reading about Vincent Cassel and also his insanely beautiful wife Monica Bellucci all day.
But anyway, today's biggest news is probably not that I got perfume in my eye but that I'll be going to Stockholm for a couple of days next week. Really just a couple of days, but I'm really looking forward to it! Going to see my poor mom before she turns into a pig, gonna hug my crazy cats before they're somebody else's, see some friends before I see them again and that's pretty much all I have time for.
Now: Vincent Cassel and a lot of guns!
Listening to: My Playlist
Today I went to the gym after work, worked out pretty hard wich felt great and got so much energy! Then I went home and made the best stew ever by simply pouring about a decilitre of Sherry in it. It was awesome. Awesome. I think I might post the recipe at some point.
And when I had finished dinner it was like eight and I had time to clean the upstairs bathroom! Great! And in ten minutes Joe is picking me up and we're going to see Mesrine: Killer Instinct. Seeing the trailer yesterday made me almost frantic ("Oh my god oh my god Vincent Cassel and a lot of guns look at all the guns oh my god I have to see it let's go see it Joe let's see it!") and I've been reading about Vincent Cassel and also his insanely beautiful wife Monica Bellucci all day.
But anyway, today's biggest news is probably not that I got perfume in my eye but that I'll be going to Stockholm for a couple of days next week. Really just a couple of days, but I'm really looking forward to it! Going to see my poor mom before she turns into a pig, gonna hug my crazy cats before they're somebody else's, see some friends before I see them again and that's pretty much all I have time for.
Now: Vincent Cassel and a lot of guns!
Listening to: My Playlist
Sunday, 9 August 2009
jeans and happiness and soup
Today has been a most effective and good day. It started with me waking up after a million years of sleep, feeling funny and kind of thick they way you do after too much sleep. After waking I made myself some breakfast - chilli sandwiches - and painted. My latest painting is kinda coming along, looking less bad and strange and more like I have a good feeling of what I want it to look like.
Then I went to the gym with Hannah, which felt good, and then I went to Penneys and bought a pair of jeans, new gym-pants, a belt and a top. (And a hoodie but I'll return it.) I decided the days of feeling big and heavy and draping myself in ill-fitting big clothes to hide all the new kilos are over. Less comfortable, more nice looking. Less sugar, carbs and fat, more vegetables. With this in mind I thought of some food I would like to eat during the week and asked Joe to drive me to Tesco in Wilton which he did without complaining. So now I have three days of food at home and no reason to come home and find nothing to eat but pasta. It's a good thing.
For dinner I'm making a pretty simple cauliflower soup, just because I wanted to use up the cauliflower I had over from the curry I made yesterday. I think I'll post the recipe in my food blog if it's good. With pictures!
No other news from the week, or weekend, exept for my mom having the swine flu. She's not worried and I'm trying not to be either.
And also Spotify wont work since a couple of hours which makes me sad.
But apart from that I's been a good day and a good weekend and a good week and I feel happy.
Listening to: Dr John aka the Night Tripper - I Walk On Guilded Splinters, from the album Gris-Gris, 1968.
Then I went to the gym with Hannah, which felt good, and then I went to Penneys and bought a pair of jeans, new gym-pants, a belt and a top. (And a hoodie but I'll return it.) I decided the days of feeling big and heavy and draping myself in ill-fitting big clothes to hide all the new kilos are over. Less comfortable, more nice looking. Less sugar, carbs and fat, more vegetables. With this in mind I thought of some food I would like to eat during the week and asked Joe to drive me to Tesco in Wilton which he did without complaining. So now I have three days of food at home and no reason to come home and find nothing to eat but pasta. It's a good thing.
For dinner I'm making a pretty simple cauliflower soup, just because I wanted to use up the cauliflower I had over from the curry I made yesterday. I think I'll post the recipe in my food blog if it's good. With pictures!
No other news from the week, or weekend, exept for my mom having the swine flu. She's not worried and I'm trying not to be either.
And also Spotify wont work since a couple of hours which makes me sad.
But apart from that I's been a good day and a good weekend and a good week and I feel happy.
Listening to: Dr John aka the Night Tripper - I Walk On Guilded Splinters, from the album Gris-Gris, 1968.
Wednesday, 5 August 2009
dreamsong
I don't do this very often but since I had a very vivid dream tonight featuring this beautiful song, and because it's storytelling at it's finest, song-lyric-wise, I'll have to share the lyrics with you.
Bobbie Gentry - Ode to Billy Joe
It was the third of June, another sleepy, dusty Delta day
I was out choppin' cotton and my brother was balin' hay
And at dinner time we stopped and walked back to the house to eat
And Mama hollered out the back door "y'all remember to wipe your feet"
And then she said "I got some news this mornin' from Choctaw Ridge"
"Today Billy Joe MacAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge"
And Papa said to Mama as he passed around the blackeyed peas
"Well, Billy Joe never had a lick of sense, pass the biscuits, please"
"There's five more acres in the lower forty I've got to plow"
And Mama said it was shame about Billy Joe, anyhow
Seems like nothin' ever comes to no good up on Choctaw Ridge
And now Billy Joe MacAllister's jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge
And Brother said he recollected when he and Tom and Billie Joe
Put a frog down my back at the Carroll County picture show
And wasn't I talkin' to him after church last Sunday night?
"I'll have another piece of apple pie, you know it don't seem right"
"I saw him at the sawmill yesterday on Choctaw Ridge"
"And now you tell me Billie Joe's jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge"
And Mama said to me "Child, what's happened to your appetite?"
"I've been cookin' all morning and you haven't touched a single bite"
"That nice young preacher, Brother Taylor, dropped by today"
"Said he'd be pleased to have dinner on Sunday, oh, by the way"
"He said he saw a girl that looked a lot like you up on Choctaw Ridge"
"And she and Billy Joe was throwing somethin' off the Tallahatchie Bridge"
A year has come 'n' gone since we heard the news 'bout Billy Joe
And Brother married Becky Thompson, they bought a store in Tupelo
There was a virus going 'round, Papa caught it and he died last Spring
And now Mama doesn't seem to wanna do much of anything
And me, I spend a lot of time pickin' flowers up on Choctaw Ridge
And drop them into the muddy water off the Tallahatchie Bridge
Aw man it gives me goosebumps. And her voice is beautiful and the dream was wonderful and I met old friends and dyed my hair in purple and black and pink using henna.
Today I beat my highscore in Tetris; 335268 points. Back to work.
Bobbie Gentry - Ode to Billy Joe
It was the third of June, another sleepy, dusty Delta day
I was out choppin' cotton and my brother was balin' hay
And at dinner time we stopped and walked back to the house to eat
And Mama hollered out the back door "y'all remember to wipe your feet"
And then she said "I got some news this mornin' from Choctaw Ridge"
"Today Billy Joe MacAllister jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge"
And Papa said to Mama as he passed around the blackeyed peas
"Well, Billy Joe never had a lick of sense, pass the biscuits, please"
"There's five more acres in the lower forty I've got to plow"
And Mama said it was shame about Billy Joe, anyhow
Seems like nothin' ever comes to no good up on Choctaw Ridge
And now Billy Joe MacAllister's jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge
And Brother said he recollected when he and Tom and Billie Joe
Put a frog down my back at the Carroll County picture show
And wasn't I talkin' to him after church last Sunday night?
"I'll have another piece of apple pie, you know it don't seem right"
"I saw him at the sawmill yesterday on Choctaw Ridge"
"And now you tell me Billie Joe's jumped off the Tallahatchie Bridge"
And Mama said to me "Child, what's happened to your appetite?"
"I've been cookin' all morning and you haven't touched a single bite"
"That nice young preacher, Brother Taylor, dropped by today"
"Said he'd be pleased to have dinner on Sunday, oh, by the way"
"He said he saw a girl that looked a lot like you up on Choctaw Ridge"
"And she and Billy Joe was throwing somethin' off the Tallahatchie Bridge"
A year has come 'n' gone since we heard the news 'bout Billy Joe
And Brother married Becky Thompson, they bought a store in Tupelo
There was a virus going 'round, Papa caught it and he died last Spring
And now Mama doesn't seem to wanna do much of anything
And me, I spend a lot of time pickin' flowers up on Choctaw Ridge
And drop them into the muddy water off the Tallahatchie Bridge
Aw man it gives me goosebumps. And her voice is beautiful and the dream was wonderful and I met old friends and dyed my hair in purple and black and pink using henna.
Today I beat my highscore in Tetris; 335268 points. Back to work.
Monday, 3 August 2009
oh YEAH
Why have I not mentioned it on my blog? I'm talking about it like, everyday in real life.
I got a sewing machine for my birthday!
Like, best present ever! Thanks!
Wow!
I got a sewing machine for my birthday!
Like, best present ever! Thanks!
Wow!
a plea (and other stuff)
Oh I have been so active today! I was going to go to the gym but as I was trying to convince myself that I really should do the dishes I realized that however good it is to go to the gym, when you would rather do dishes... well, it's not that important. I don't want to take the joy out of it.
So I went home and did all the dishes, sorted the washing, cleaned up my room lots, finished a painting, started a new one that I've been thinking about for ages and listened to Neil Gaiman reading The Graveyard Book for a couple of hours and I love it. And I ate Peking Duck.
If, or when, I leave Ireland I will miss Eva House. I'll have to come back now and then to eat Peking Duck here.
So yeah that brings me to the other point: I am looking for jobs in Sweden and I'm hoping (um, obviously) to move home. At some point. If I can find a job and place to stay. In Ireland you can find a place to rent in an afternoon and move in the next day. I'll miss that too.
And I'll miss how the hairs on Joe's arms are almost invisible untill the sun shines on them and they light up like fiery copper. It's very pretty.
Anyway if any of you Swedish people who say that youre going to visit me actually do, that would be great, because you could do me a huge favour: (and this is the plea) come over and bring stuff back. I have so much stuff. I won't bring it all home but there's so much that I really don't want to leave. I've had a life here for soon two years. That means a lot of stuff. (Of course the same things work for people in Ireland, if you want to come and visit me in Sweden, but you guys are like... three. So yeah, not getting my hopes up there.)
I'll have to leave my very comfortable desk chair, Moses, that I bought in Belfast. I'll miss that. (I once had a cat named Moses, he was huge and black and he would look at you like you where insanely inferior to him. And a little annoying.)
Listening to: My Playlist on Spotify - Everything from The Aposte of Hustle to Howlin' Wolf, aw yeah.
So I went home and did all the dishes, sorted the washing, cleaned up my room lots, finished a painting, started a new one that I've been thinking about for ages and listened to Neil Gaiman reading The Graveyard Book for a couple of hours and I love it. And I ate Peking Duck.
If, or when, I leave Ireland I will miss Eva House. I'll have to come back now and then to eat Peking Duck here.
So yeah that brings me to the other point: I am looking for jobs in Sweden and I'm hoping (um, obviously) to move home. At some point. If I can find a job and place to stay. In Ireland you can find a place to rent in an afternoon and move in the next day. I'll miss that too.
And I'll miss how the hairs on Joe's arms are almost invisible untill the sun shines on them and they light up like fiery copper. It's very pretty.
Anyway if any of you Swedish people who say that youre going to visit me actually do, that would be great, because you could do me a huge favour: (and this is the plea) come over and bring stuff back. I have so much stuff. I won't bring it all home but there's so much that I really don't want to leave. I've had a life here for soon two years. That means a lot of stuff. (Of course the same things work for people in Ireland, if you want to come and visit me in Sweden, but you guys are like... three. So yeah, not getting my hopes up there.)
I'll have to leave my very comfortable desk chair, Moses, that I bought in Belfast. I'll miss that. (I once had a cat named Moses, he was huge and black and he would look at you like you where insanely inferior to him. And a little annoying.)
Listening to: My Playlist on Spotify - Everything from The Aposte of Hustle to Howlin' Wolf, aw yeah.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)