night in Stockholm

When you know what you want, when you're really sure, then it's not so hard. When you know what you're willing to give to get what you want.

Time, money. Anything.

I want one thing. I'm willing to wait for it. As long as it takes. I know it's worth it.

I'm at Irena's place, we're having a good time, watching movies, eating, chillaxing in general. It's great.

It's really nice seeing everyone again. And seeing some for the first time! Ylva is a sweet sweet baby girl and I had a great time at Emilia's. Now we're making applepancakes I think...

Last night was better than I had imagined.

And tomorrow I'm going south.

payday

It is here. The money. Or actually not here, it's flowing through cyberspace, on it's way to my account. From my other accound. Gonna be interesting to see when I'll get it.

Yesterday I met my uncle and cousins for some tacos and some talking and it was really nice, then I came to Emilia's and we have been hanging out, drinking tea, watching How to loose a guy in 10 days, walking, playing with her beautiful baby daughter, talking, drinking wine, playing cards, eating lasagna and ice cream and you get the point.

Tomorrow we are going for lunch in Enköping and after that I'm going back to Stockholm for a little while more before I go down south to see dad and Ullis and all of my brothers and sisters, one of them for the first time ever. And I come bearing no gifts at all, for anyone. Exept dad.

Now It's late, spent the last hour or so deleting spam and doing some tired, confused FFF-work. Since I'm half asleep I have to admit I did't get very far.

Looking forward to a weekend in Stockholm even though I would have loved to stay here in Enköping for another week or so...

---Edit---
Right below here, where it says what time posts are posted, that's Irish time. I'm actually posting this at twenty to three at night. Swedish time. Oh your GAWD I'm tired.

I know, I know

This is blogger death. I know this. But as usual, I blame Maia. It's in Swedish but I don't think I have many readers who don't know Swedish... Don't even know why I write in English actually... But why not?

Here goes;


UTSEENDE
1. hur lång är du? Vet inte. Runt en och sjuttio tror jag.
2. hur mycket väger du? Inte den blekaste.
3. hårfärg och frisyr? Rött, från rödbrunt till blekt kopparrött och allt därimellan... Stort och lockigt och börjar dessutom bli rätt långt.
4. ögonfärg? Varierar mellan blått och grönt med gult i mitten.
5. mest nöjd med? Kan nog vara håret, ögonen kanske.
6. minst nöjd med? Tja... Kan väl vara vikten jag lagt på mig sen jag kom till Irland.
7. skostorlek? Brukar vara runt 5 1/2 - 6. Runt 39 i Sverige.
8. glasögon? Linser, snarare.
9. har du några piercingar/tatueringar? Nej!

KLÄDER
1. vad använder du just nu för jacka? Det är sommar! Men har jag jacka är det en fuskläderjacka i MC-stil (egentligen inte riktigt men det är tanken) från Penney's.
2. vad använder du just nu för skor?Flipflop's från Penney's eller gröna Gola-skor som... jag inte riktigt kan beskriva. De är väl lite knasiga.
3. favoritfärg på kläder? Svart och lila tror jag, men när jag är nöjd med min vikt kan jag ha precis vad som helst.
4. favoritmaterial på kläder? Bomull, linne.
5. vilka kläder skulle du vilja ha just nu? En snygg kappa med huva, ögle-halsduken från indiska.
6. favoritaffärer? Indiska, bortsett från att ingenting därifrån sitter bra om man har bröst, vilket jag råkar ha. HM eftersom de har en sorts linne i sin baskollektion som är ungefär hälften av min garderob, Penneys, Monsoon om jag hade haft råd att handla där...
7. för ungefär hur mycket köper du kläder för i månaden? Ja inte fan är jag modebloggare i alla fall. Men tja... mellan trettio och hundra euro tror jag.
8. favoritmärke(n)? Gillar inte märken.
9. vad har du för byxstorlek? Ingen aning.
10. vad har du för tröjstorlek? Medium kanske.

BLANDAT
1. vad heter din morfar? Kommer inte ihåg.
2. var har du i din:
¤ jackficka just nu? Har ingen jacka här. Har ingenting i fickorna på min tröja.
¤ väska just nu? Plånbok, penna, voodoodocka, glasnagelfil, Darkly Dreaming Dexter av Jeff Lindsay, nycklar, anteckningsbok med elefanter, rosebud salve, läppglans från HM, hörlurar/headset, gummisnodd, choklad, spegel, plåster, visitkort, lås och nycklar till min resväska, två vykort, Malaconyckelring, Tescokort.
3. vad är du beroende av? Kaffe.
4. vilket land kommer du i från? Sverige.
5. vilken sorts lypsyl använder du? Rosebud salve
6. vad tror du på? Mig själv, att sopsortera, att inte dricka vatten som smakar klor.
7. vilken religion tillhör du, om du nu tillhör någon? Jag tillhör ingen.
8. vad köpte du senast? En bussbiljett från Västerås flygplats till Uppsala.
9. har du nåt husdjur? Ja. Mina två katter, som bor hos min mamma, vilket jag också gör för tillfället, Artemis och Jupiter. De är finast i hela världen.
10. vad bor du i? Ett hus i Cork. 22 Vicar street.

PRYLAR:
plånbok: Svart, canvas, med körsbär på. Från Penney's.
tandborste: En blågrön.
smycken: Det enda jag alltid använder är en ring som jag har på tummen, slät i silver, gjorde den och en identisk till Emilia när jag gick på gymnasiet. Annars har jag med mig en annan ring jag gjort själv och en jättetunn silverkedja med en liten liten "sten" som jag tror är av glas till Sverige men jag använder dem inte så mycket. Fick dock när jag kom fram ett snyggt Pilgrim-halsband av mamma.
solglasögon: Äger ett par snygga svarta från Penney's som är trasiga men som jag planerar att laga och ett par piloter från HM som Thor, en fd jobbarkompis tvååring, slet sönder lite grann. Planerar att köpa nya nu när jag är i Sverige.
underkläder: Mest boxers från Penney's.
nagellack: Just nu ganska avskavt blekrosaskimrande.


See, wans't that lot's of fun? It's my vacation, I can do whatever I want. (Yes, this is a joke.)

differences

In Cork we go out a lot. I often think the service is bad, because waiters and waitresses often seem kind of distanced and not very service-minded. But if there is something wrong they are apologetic and do their best to fix it, most of the time. I have to say I prefer this before what I get here: the waiting staff is all smiles but they forget stuff, they are quite rude if you express discontent and they don't move a finger more than necesary. So... a overall good attitude would be preffered but Id'e rather have waiting staff that would do their best to make me happy than the kind that treat you great as long as youre a simple customer. And also, in Cork they seem to try to keep to the golden rule of assigning one waiter or waitress to a table; this feels more personal than having three or four different teenage girls run around and ask a million times what it was that you ordered.

So, If you're going out in Uppsala; do not go to Tzatziki. Although the place is quite scenic the service is a disgrace. The main course was alright, might have been slightly overpriced but a generous serving at least. The dessert was awful! We told one of our four waitresses who said she'd tell someone and left without doing anything about it exept for ignoring us for the rest of our stay. We told another one, who told someone else, who came and took the dessert away. We told yet another one of the waitresses. She went and talked to someone and came back and said that they had tried the dessert and that it tasted as it should. We said that we still did'nt feel like paying for something we got in, tasted and that got taken away again. She went and got her boss who told us we were totally crazy to think that we would get some kind of alternative to paying for the dessert we no longer had. We tried to explain that we did'nt really feel like paying for it since they took it away. He tried to explain that that was incredibly stupid of us.

If you're going out in Uppsala I don't know where you should go. We got lousy service everywhere. Jalla, where I had pizza for lunch, put stuff on my pizza that I asked them not to put on my pizza, and when I pointed this out the pizza-baker-man said "that does'nt matter!" Great stuff.

If you like going out, go to Cork instead. Go to Scoozi. Or Puccino's, or Captain America's. Anywhere. They can be stupid and confused and get stuff wrong but they correct it and they don't start to fight with you if you're not satisfied. They correct it. As they should. They apologize.

Well, I also saw a damn cathedral. Here are a couple of pics.



Ceiling, pillars. Also punk mom and her thai contact-kiddo.

scandos everywhere!

And no one speaks skånska! It's so weird! Tall, blonde swedes. Everyone understands my secret language. And they talk like me almost.

Uppsala is a really sweet city, feels a bit small-ish, mentally, with old wooden houses and such, in bright contrast to Lund's wannabe big city-image. This kind of village feeling.

It's really strange being back in Sweden. I can't say I really feel that it's my home, but then again I never lived in Uppsala so maybe that's why. I'm looking forward to going south a lot, meeting my new baby sister and my new computer (thanks again dad) and FFF! It's gonna be so much fun.

Want to say again that my mom is probably the bestest mom evarr. It's really unusual to realize that people turn their heads after her, not me. I am kinda ordinary in comparison for once. Fun stuff!

Looking forward to meeting lot's of friends and having lot's of fun all week! In the sunshine! La vida e bella or something. This is the first day of the rest of my vacation.

hair

I shaved my mom's head today. She still has a mohawk though. This makes my mom one million times better than your mom. Seriously.

My hair is still on. Even though I was more than mildly tempted to follow in her footsteps, just this once.

Untill you can enjoy seeing me with no hair, here's a couple of pics of England from above.




Now I'm gonna head out for pizza. At last. Missed most of the summery day, but hey, I shaved my mom's head. And I talked to Maria on the phone for like thirty minutes. She was sitting on Arlanda. We decided that we should start making daytrips to airports because it's so much fun spending hours and hours and hours just sitting around, waiting, watching people.

below

It's sunday, the sun is shining and the weather is real summery but I am still in a basement... Had a loooong breakfast and watched Princess Bride, gonna take a shower soon, and I think mom has some kind of plan for the day but if she told me about it I probably didn't listen or I was to tired to focus or something. Irena thinks we should come in to Stockholm. I don't know. I still just want a pizza. Maybe some more sleep. Let go off everything.

My mind is spinning so fast I almost loose track. Being here makes me feel... strange, mostly.

Uppsala

So after eleven hours of travelling I am now at my mom's place in Uppsala. Woke up at five, kinda hungover after 99 calls, one bottle of wine and four hours of sleep, the taxi picked me up at six, plane left at eight-ish... Or it should have, but it was kinda late. Spent the flight talking to a french girl named Chloé. A couple of hours at Stansted, a croissont, another flight, and I landed in Västerås, smallest airport ever. The bus - the only bus - for Uppsala left without me (and a plastic surgeon named Marcus from England who liked Kevin Smith) but luckily it turned around to pick us up.

Me and mom had the mushroom and fish dish that I love and watched Montalbano which I also love and now I'm super duper tired.

Tomorrow my single goal is a pizza.

ADIOS, SUCKERS!

One hour left! Then I'm off on vacation for six weeks!!! Woohooo!

And my dad has decided to give me a laptop for my birthday!

All is well.

But I still think about you all the time.

Post number 300

I don't have so much time to blog at the moment, hence the not updating. Sorry guys. If I had time I would write about everything that's going on, it would probably be quite interesting, or I would write about how I feel, and it would be pathetic and not interesting at all.

Right now I feel kinda sick from being so tired so it's deffo time for bed.

I miss everyone right now. My heart feels like a wound.

dreams, wishes

I had a dream tonight, the kind you think is real and joy just fills you up like butterflies and then you wake up and it's not true. It's gone and it never was. You wake up to the annoying sounds of the alarmclock (Saint Elmo's Fire by John Parr) and you're back in reality, back in the red darkness of your room. (Maybe not you. Maybe it's just me.)

You get out of your room and realize that the rain is pouring down from a strangely yellow sky. And it keeps doing that all day because you chose to move to Ireland, did'nt you!?! (Uhm yeah, still me.) Ireland. "Summer".

And that dream... It was totally stupid. And it makes me feel stupid for feeling so happy about it. I am so very very tired of feeling like this. I wish I knew... Anything.

honesty

Everything feels empty. There's a hole in my life and I can't tell anyone. I can't do anything. Everything feels meaningless when nothing you can do means anything... Makes sense. If there was anything I could do I would. I would do anything. Really. I know I'm dramatic and stuff but... I'ts no fun here. There was something here, in my life, that made me happy, and it's gone now.

Work is no fun, I'm really tired in the evenings, weekends are short and I'm not in a good mood.

I have been confronted. It made me feel... not as lonely.

But I still feel very lonely.

woooosh!

So much stuff going on!!! The party was wonderful and the police came and it was great and now it's raining and we're going to Killorglyn for the goat festival and oh god.

I'll write more later.

lunches

The sub yesterday (six inch italian herbs and cheese spicy italian toasted double cheese spicy lettuce cucumber olives mayo thanks) was really good. And the Puccinos wrap today as well. But hey, yeah, feels all wrong.

I don't want to be here right now. Don't want to be at work, in Ireland, in my life.

And oh yeah. The pain in my neck wasn't from the AC, it was from the headbanging the night before wich I had kinda forgotten about. Could have something to do with the beer, I don't know.

some crappy title

My neck hurts. Probably from the AC at work. Starting to have problems moving my neck. Lucky for me they just adjusted it.

I'm a bit tired. We went out for a beer after work, me, Johan and Maia, and kinda continued at Viola and Björn's place, watching Ronja Rövardotter and eating Zam Zam-food. A really nice night! I'm not hungover at all, just a bit tired. And hungry. Feel like a sub today. For the first time in months.

Having Maia here is awesome. We're having loads of fun.

We saw Dark Knight again on sunday. It was still really cool. Ledger was still really good as the Joker. Really.

All in all I feel kinda depressed. It's amazing how feelings can be so intense, it sometimes feels like the world around me fades and my memories are bigger, more real, more present. I want to live in my life. I do. Right here and now. It's just that something is missing. Like... there's a hole in my life. Like a wound. I try to move around it carefully, try to make it not hurt so much, but I can't get rid of the feeling of emptyness. Life goes on. Only... wrong.

It' strange because there's so much good stuff going on. There's more than one thing to bring me down, of course, but I want to be happy. Life is good. I want to enjoy it.

Sara got in to medschool in Gothenburg so we're going out tonight to celebrate. Tomorrow I think me and Maia are leaving town for about 24 hours, just to see something else, some nature, some rain, some pub.

in the midnight hour

Everybody has gone to sleep. Exept me and Maia. We're watching Arizona Dream which always puts me in a weird mood. It's a movie that really means a lot to me. Even though I don't think about it when I'm not watching it.

Makes me think about dreams and wishes and the way you see your own life.

Also Johnny Depp was extremely good looking when he was young.

We did some shopping today. It was a nice day. Breakfast at Puccino's.

Everything makes me think of the same thing. All the time. It never stops, it never even slows down.

Got my mind set. Got my heart set.

So very much more I want to say...