Friday, 21 August 2015

Me forever

I'll always be me. I'll never get to be anyone else. I'll never get rid of my past. The things that have happened to me will always have happened. The person that I am will always keep being me. I'll never get rid of myself. I'll never be free from my memories. From the insane pain of all those betrayals.

I don't know how to move on, let go. I don't know how to handle my feelings. I don't know how to process my memories. I don't know how to live, how to find myself or get back out into the light.

People keep telling me that I'll get better but I have no idea how. It doesn't just pass by itself. It doesn't just get better. The memories don't go away.

I want to accept that but I don't know how to do that either. I'm stuck between hate and pain and I have no idea what to do about it.

I think that I'll be sad, angry, in pain for the rest of my life. I'm not okay with that. Maybe I should be? Maybe I should accept that this is what I am now? A broken down mess, a few jagged pieces of my former self. Maybe I should try to fight it? Put myself back together? Or build a new me? I don't know. I don't know what is right or wrong. Good or bad.

All I know is that I'm tired of all of it.

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