Thursday 22 May 2008

I change my mind daily

Damn! I feel so unfocused. Sometimes everything is alright and sometimes it's not. Sometimes I'm very forgiving, sometimes I'm genuinely pissed off. I just realized something yesterday, something I told someone a while ago. Something like not wishing to return to what was. Not wishing to return to sporadic emails every now and then. Wishing to maintant a certain amount of contact. Some days (tha days that I actually get an email) it's ok. I forgive everything. Then, a few days later, it comes creeping. I miss him, and I feel dissapointed. Because what little contact we actually have now is less than we had when he had just moved to London and I was still in Sweden. Eventually I feel less irritated and just stop caring.

So I do my best to focus on the feelings I actually have for him. On how nice he is when we actually get to spend time together. That he cleans the coffee machine and brings me airport whiskey and how funny he can be. But it drifts of into the past, further off for every day. My focus shifts. I find new areas of interest. Even though I try as hard as I can not to.

Youre right, I do think too much. Way too much.

1 comment:

Jopa said...

there are other things in life than boys. Dont get hung up on such!