Okay so. Everything has pretty much fucked up. Totally.
It feels like falling out of a roller-coaster, or having everyone you love and trust turn against you, or getting in a car accident on a road you drive every day and think is safe. And beautiful and fun.
This week has been a fucked up week. I started out pretty happy but on Tuesday I found out that I cause huge problems to the people around me. Why was unclear but is now clearer.
Since then I haven't been able to do anything but cry and sleep a chemically induced sleep. Last night I decided that I won't let this keep me down. I'm strong and my heart is whole and I will get through it.
This morning a couple of things happened that made my resolve weaken but then some other things happened that made it stronger again. (The first thing was someone I trust who told me that... Well, pretty much that I was slightly mentally disabled and had to move out, or else everyone else in the house would. The second one was a lovely Texan who got so mad that he actually started saying "y'all".)
When the going gets tough, I also get tough. When the wind gets cold I knit a new hat. I'm going to get through this, one way or another. Even though it feels really hard right now.