I can tell you

Like drugs.
The hard part is coming down, right? But I might have to. I wish I could see into the future. Foresee the results of my actions before I acted. But I can't. I try to mentally understand what my choises might lead to but still I'm surprised in the moment of truth. Other people do not react as I expect them to. Unexpected situations arise.

I have never regretted anything. It has been a kind of motto; no regrets. It never helps. But right now I know that I might come to a point where I regret something. That is all that I can see in my future. The posibility to do something that might turn out to be wrong. I'm scared.

On wednesday evening I found out that my grandfather is dead. My mothers father. We had no contact. I don't really know what to feel.

I miss you so much

sky falling

Just watched Dobermann, it was awesome, but no surprise there. A bit on the violent side. (I had forgotten the part where they put a grenade inside this guy's helmet... while he is wearing it.) Well, still kinda love it. I think I liked it more when I was a young punk but still, awesome.

Today has been... good. And bad. As most days I guess. This morning I could not beleive it was just tuesday. And after work I had the same feeling. Good thing I'm off friday.

Yesterday I talked to my grandparents. It was really nice, I miss them. Today I was supposed to do a lot of stuff but I was tired and lazy so I just went to Tesco, and then home and made myself some food with both meat and mushrooms for once. And lots of spices. It was good.

The sky has opened up and is showering Cork as if trying to wash away it's sins. Might take a while.

I'm falling and falling and falling faster and harder and I feel like Alice, I just keep falling down that hole. It feels like... like that feeling when you're just about to fall asleep, and you're still a bit awake, and a half-dream creeps up on you and all of a sudden your body looses touch with what is up and down and it feels like slipping, you or reality or both, only instead of opening my eyes and realizing that I'm still in my bed I keep falling, all the time. I just know exactly when I'm going to reach the bottom, it's gonna hurt as hell. It's pretty soon. Too soon.

Enough Year Zero and bullshit about emotions. Nothing is going to change. Does'nt matter how hard I want it to.