Alone

Always, forever, never ever. People everywhere. In this apartment there are three others right now, in the apartments under and above us there are people, there are people everywhere. There's a parrot next door. There are mice in the walls, there are pidgeons pretty much everywhere.

There are spiders, insects, bacteria. You are never alone. 

I feel so utterly alone. Like no one has ever been close to me, no one ever will. No one really cares. No one really likes me. 

I'm a whiny bitch. I know. Lots of people love me. Lots of people care. 

Saturday nights just make it so obvious that those people are not here. Not calling me or texting me or contacting me in any way through any form of social media or technology. Not sending me letters. Whatever.

Everyone hates me. Ugh. I don't want to feel that way. This way. But I can't help it. 

Why did she lie? She could have told me the truth, whatever it was. But that thing that she said wasn't the truth. She lied. 

As people do. And after they do I don't trust them. 

It doesn't matter if I lie about everything, about myself. I don't care. I can't trust anyone anyways.