Monday, 4 April 2016

The rage

I'm so sick of myself, so sick of this uncontrollable anger that bubbles up inside me without warning, sometimes without reason. I get so angry that I want to tear apart the whole world, I want to rip down the sky. It rises like pressure and I can't do anything to subdue it, it rises and then I explode. I hate it. I can't keep it inside, I can't silence the screams that tear themselves from my throat. Primal, hysterical rage grabs my entire body, surges through me like wildfire, like an explosion in a vacuum. I don't have the slightest idea how to handle it, how to de-pressurise my mind, how to make it stop. It comes from nowhere and takes over everything, and after I feel empty and weak and stupid and powerless. And mean and selfish and horrible, for the things I've said and done.

What's wrong with me? Why am I like this? Why do I get this way?

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