Stockholm

I miss coffee.

Last few days has been intense and hectic and a bit nuts. Right now I'm standing outside SIBA waiting for them to open so I can give them my laptop and then get to the train, which is an hour late. 

I miss Ben. 

We had a bachelorette party for Tindra on Saturday. It was great fun but my recent mental plummet into depression made it a bit strange. I get weird when I'm sad. 

SIBA should open now. Please?!?

19 days left. Almost nothing.

And now they're letting me in! 

Grawr

My throat hurts in a weird way and my stomach and I feel sad and angry and I'm not sure why.

I packed stuff. I have lots of work left to do in school. I don't have enough money. The stress makes me want to vomit. 

Oh and my sleeping patterns are totally fubar and I'm taking lots of different pills and I'm extremely sensitive and it feels like everybody hates me. 

Ugh. 

Oh my goodness

Whole wheat pasta

Some falafel

One head of broccoli 

Pumpkin seeds

Garlic butter

Pesto 

Linseed 

Parmesan

Do stuff to it. Whatever you want. Boil a bit and fry and stuff. 

TASTIEST. THING.

Trick is to have quite a bit of butter and salt and fry it all together with Parmesan in there. So good. So insanely good. 

I have not yet closed my eyes

It's half past four. I'm hungry but not very tired. Too tired to make food. Not tired enough to fall asleep.

Soon though. 

I just read a very long article about children dying in cars. Forgotten by parents. The article won the Pulitzer Prize. I could not stop reading. It was horrifying. And it made me never want to own a car. 

So much to do. So little time. My head feels like it could break from all the noise inside. 

My sleeping patterns get stranger and stranger, despite the new medicine that was supposed to help me sleep at the right times. I think I might try going back to the medicine that just helped me sleep and simply take it at exactly the same time every night for a few nights. 

Four day weekend now. Tomorrow I'm going to go into town and pick up my dress, buy some food, call a couple of friends and make some plans, sort some stuff... Maybe start taking some photos of finished products?

It's almost five. The birds have started singing. I'm going to bed. 

So tired

My hands are tired and my arms. My whole body. My mind and my soul. I just want to sleep. For a thousand years.

I moved all my things last night, my friends helped me. They where very kind.

I have too much things. So many things. So little hope. Everything feels hopeless and bad.

Awh man. So tired. So much to do.

F this s

I'm in a foul mood. I'm angry and cross and uninspired. School is boring and I had nightmares and everything just sucks in general.

Grrrrrrr.

Can't sleep

In bed. Tired. Body aching from restlessness.

Looking at pictures of dogs. Looking at Instagram. Looking at Facebook.

Missing my man.

It's late and I have to get up early. Think I'll take a sleeping pill.