Shiny

I'm home alone. Home is Ben's apartment. It feels like home.

I've been here for ten days now and I still love it. And I love Ben. He is the most wonderful person I have met. I can't belive my luck to have him.

Grace

By the way, he took me to see his parents yesterday. They where lovely and had made cheese stuffed jalapeños with bacon on top (me and his dad ate most of them) and steaks. 

Before dinner his family said grace and I felt kind of confused. People in Sweden don't usually pray over their lunch. He took my hand under the table and held it. He was silent. 

I really liked that. 

Edit

He calls her 'Mama'. It's very sweet. Very southern. 

Home

I feel loved. I feel like I belong. I feel at home. 

And I'm pretty happy about the fact that there's a pool here!

Another wonderful thing my wonderful boyfriend said, when I told him that it's better to keep nail polishes refrigerated than to keep them in room temperature; "I have a small refrigerator meant for soda cans, you can keep your nail polishes in that". 

Now the sun is setting and I'm thinking about having a swim before I cook dinner for that wonderful man of mine before he comes home from his meeting. Ha! How about that.   

Real love

"Would you help me rearrange my kitchen?"

"Here, this closet is for you."

So this is like really the most beautiful things anyone has ever said to me. I love this man. 

Like a bird

I feel free. It's nine in the morning and I'm up, but my jet lag could have had me wake up at midnight if I didn't stay awake for 26 hours yesterday. (After sleeping four hours the night before.)

I feel good. It's Saturday and the sun is shining. It's extremely warm. 25 degrees Celsius. But it feels okay. The air pressure isn't like in Sweden, but maybe that's just because it's still early. 

There's a pool outside of the front door. My boyfriend is wonderful. I could get used to this place even if my haircut is pretty extreme here. In Stockholm I felt ordinary. 

Opi nailpolishes are cheap and there's lots of sweets in the supermarket and everyone seems friendly and I'm really excited. 

Fly away

So I had to buy a return ticket fast as balls before I could check in. Extremely fucking happy that I got my tax returns so I could. Extremely fucking happy that I live in the future and can buy tickets for international travel from my phone, in ten minutes, standing by the check in desk. 

I saw Joe Labero, a Swedish show magician, on the airport. Very exciting. 

And what is the deal with angry birds? Oh my gods. So sick of seeing those stupid toys and crap everywhere. 

My flight to Reykjavik leaves in twenty minutes. Why aren't we boarding?

I'm so excited

Standing on the gas station waiting to pay for the gas for the van. In twenty four hours I'll be on the plane! I don't feel stressed anymore. Just happy. Although I have lots of stuff to do today, I have to get meds, get my computer, pay bills and most important meet as many friends as possible!

And then I'll be with my wonderful boyfriend! I'll be flying for sixteen hours but I'll land after nine. Pretty nuts! 

Let's play a game

It's called "ulcer or migraine?" and it is played to find out what it is that makes me nauseated. The pain in my head or in my gut? Exciting for the whole family. Breaks the ice at parties. 

I'm curled up in my bed right now. Not finished, not even remotely. Should have been out yesterday. Feel like - yeah, I've said it before - a failure. 

A failure in pain. Massive pain. 

Fall apart

It's evening. Pretty late. I'm not finished at all. 

I'm one inch from breaking down, crying. In fetal position. 

The fact that I had nothing but two sandwiches today probably doesn't help. 

Fffffffffff

I'm going nuts. Crazy nuts. 

WHY have I not gotten my license yet? I feel like a total failure. 

Stab my own eyes out with a rusty spoon-panic.

It's late

I want to spam my boyfriend with emo texts but I know he's having fun and I don't want to put my crap on him. 

But yeah. Emo as fuck. My brain hurts. There is too much. Just too much. 

Six days

I'm getting nervous now. Stress and nerves. And fear. 

What if it doesn't work? What if the man I love is a jerk? 

It's Saturday night and I got so much left to do and I just want to cry.